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I have been so sad the past couple days. Like I will feel okay and then it will hit me. My doc said not to test until Wednesday, but I tested yesterday and today and BFNs. He said if I ovulated late, I probably wouldn't show a BFP until CD35..Which will be Wednesday. But ugh. I am so down. I am afraid to even keep hope..I just don't know if I can anymore. I hate to say this, I hate to sound whiney and pathetic- but I really don't know if I can emotionally handle TTC. If I am not pregnant, I am going to feel like a fool- all the symptoms, etc. I had textbook symptoms. Was so tired yesterday it was hard to go to Target with DH. But now, I'm wondering if something else could be wrong. What if I am just sick or something? What if some of the symptoms were all in my head? Surely if so, it's time for mental help. (half smile) ...How do you all handle the push and pull of TTC, the uncertainty, the let downs, the what if's, the whole thing? I haven't even been trying that long so I know I must be a weenie compared to those who do it with hope and faith in their heart for even years. I just feel broken. You know? I feel like this is all my fault. Like I am robbing my husband of dreams of being a dad..(and myself of being a mom) .. I hate that I am having fertility issues and there is nothing I can do about it. I mean I know there is, but why are such good women and future mommies having so much trouble? I remember being in highschool and being a virgin and having a couple friends get pregnant, some have abortions, and one have her baby taken away from her because she couldn't stay away from drug dealer boyfriends and drugs. Why am I having trouble? I wish there was like a support group here I could go to. :-/ sorry to be such a downer and vent to you all, and for anyone who read this- thanks for 'listening'..
Sigh....Thanks ladies. I think DH and I came to the conclusion to hold off for a while. It's been too hard on me, emotionally. I'm already an emotional creature and all of this with the hormones, the hoping, the analyzing has just been too much for me for now. I guess we won't prevent but won't necessarily try with the Clomid and all that.. but if you all don't mind, I still wanna hang around. Thank you for the encouraging words.
*HUGS* I think we have all felt this way at at least one point! Today I was so nauseas I thought I wasn't going to make it through the day without being sick.... and I thought "MAYBE IT'S A SIGN!".... I do this so often and 90% of the time it's all in my head. I hate this!
I too wish there was a support group... my hospital has one, but I never go because I know I'd be one of the youngers there and worry they wouldn't relate, even though I have the same issues.
After years of trying, 2 years of fertility meds, multiple surgeries, blood draws and needle sticks, some awful pre-IVF complications, and endometriosis and PCOS,
We are done TTC. Praying for peace as we accept this...
Hoping for some comfort after our most recent (and 3rd) surgery and starting Lupron!
I think every one of us could have written your post at one point or another. Infertility is SO unfair, and none of us deserve it. I'm sorry you are feeling so down, and I hope that you are smiling again soon.
yup I am pretty sure I wrote that same exact (almost) post a couple years ago when ttc Kaylee. I think most women who want it so bad and have been ttc for a while analyze every single symptom and think what if. I know I did. I really hope and pray you get that BFP..even if it is a little late hon. Maybe the break will do you some good? *HUGE HUGS* I am so sorry you are going through this...and when you want a baby you want a baby. It doesnt matter how long you have been trying each cycle that passes without a bfp gets harder and harder. I pray one day we ALL get that bfp at the end of a cycle.
yep..they are right hun..we all go through it..but its good to take a break it will give you some energy again! I sure hope while you are on a break you get a bfp! its tough..after 3 years i dont know how i keep going..but i do! I wish you the best big huge hugs!
Thank You Jaidynsmum for my awesome perfect siggy!!
TTC is no picnic and adding the stressors of MA makes it all the more emotional.
In my opinion, I don't think you were being monitored correctly by your DR. I think that if you do decide to go forward with MA again you should really talk with your DR about having more b/w, u/s and clearer answers throughout your cycle. It's going to make your cycle that much more bearable... even if you don't end up with your BFP, at least you know for sure exactly what is going on.
Hang in there hun, a break from MA is always a good idea, especially if you are so down... but don't give up hope. You will be a mommy, we all will... someday!
Yet another wonderful siggy by HeatherW.... thank you so much!!!