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my dumbest things list


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
September 25th, 2010, 04:44 PM
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Here's my list of the dumbest things people have said to me the past couple of weeks:

- well twins? That would have been a lot of work...
- at least it happened early.
- better now than later.
- at least you can get pregnant.
- at least you know you aren't infertile.
- do you think it was stress?
- at least you're young
- it was for the best, you wouldn't have wanted a handicapped/challenged child
- next time you should go on bed rest.
- maybe the IVF increased your risk of miscarriage?
- you should finish up the adoption stuff, it got you pregnant last time!
- now that you know you can get pregnant, you can relax!
- at least it wasn't an ectopic again.
- maybe you should get a second opinion since this keeps happening (???)
- you should try acupuncture next time
- (after hearing that I have been doing acupuncture) - maybe you shouldn't do acupuncture as often
- you should go on a vacation
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  #2  
September 25th, 2010, 04:48 PM
~Landon's Mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm more or less a lurker but...HOW LAME are people?! I'm so sorry that people don't get what you're going through. I don't pretend to know but I can only imagine...you're in my thoughts hun!
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  #3  
September 25th, 2010, 05:13 PM
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((HUGS)) I'm sorry I know how bad those hurt, I got them all after I miscarried our triplets.
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  #4  
September 25th, 2010, 05:40 PM
Angel_Maker
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Your list is a lot like mine

People are just ignorant, whether intentionally or unintentionally...some people JUST DON'T THINK

I actually told someone about my losses and their response was, "wow, what's wrong with you?" She didn't mean it the way it came out...but I was like "WOAH!" I had to fight back the urge to punch her in the face....

Addie....I wish I could say it gets better with time, but unfortunately, the stupid comments always sting.... LOVE YOU
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  #5  
September 25th, 2010, 06:08 PM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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what is wrong with people? When we had Ruth's issues, the first thing I said to my mom and friends was DON'T tell me God has a plan, because I don't give a flying fcuk what his plan is, I want my baby. And of course the comment was mentioned time and time again. I am sending you hugs, because I believe thats all I can give that could halp any ounce.
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  #6  
September 25th, 2010, 06:09 PM
Em2528's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im so sorry you had to hear those things, I cant even believe the things that come out of peoples mouths, specially those who havent experienced what we have. I have heard them all before too, and its like a punch in the gut.
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  #7  
September 25th, 2010, 06:15 PM
Tammyms's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow Addie I'm so sorry! I even had DH read your list and he couldn't believe it either! People always think they have to say something that they think will make it all better, when really, a simple, I'm sorry for your loss, if you need to talk I'm here to listen is probably the only right thing to say for someone who doesn't understand!
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  #8  
September 25th, 2010, 06:33 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I got a lot of those comments after we lost our first baby...they were unwelcome comments and I let people know it too.

it still amazes me how hurtful people can be when they are trying to "help"

HUGS
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Last edited by *CAMM*; September 25th, 2010 at 06:48 PM.
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  #9  
September 25th, 2010, 07:38 PM
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Wow...I don't see how people could possibly think some of those things could be comforting.

I'm sorry you have had to hear those things, Addie.
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  #10  
September 25th, 2010, 09:53 PM
sweetdreamer1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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im sorry u had to hear all that..!!i sometimes wonder why other ladies cant understand us..!we too are human afterall..!all these comments mostly come from ladies..thats why i said so..!!im sorry hun..!!!someof the comments are soo mean for someone to say out loud..!!!or jut put it in this way they are just so ignorant..!!!
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  #11  
September 26th, 2010, 03:03 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow...Makes me want to pull my hair out when I hear those things..People have NO idea what it's like to lose your baby/ babies.
I'm so sorry, hun!
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  #12  
September 26th, 2010, 05:18 AM
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Addie, I'm so sorry hun. You shouldn't have to deal with the stupidity of these people on top of trying to heal your heart.

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  #13  
September 26th, 2010, 06:40 AM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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im so sorry.. people just dont get it sometimes do they
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  #14  
September 26th, 2010, 08:34 AM
adamsgirl
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I know how much those comments hurt, even if they aren't meant in a mean way it always feels like it.I can add to your list of dumb comments, I had somebody tell me the other day when talking about the nursery, well at least you can do it the way you wanted before. I wanted to say, yes, I should be happy we lost a baby because now we can put a glider in the nursery.
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  #15  
September 26th, 2010, 09:35 AM
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The worst that I heard (and it wasn't about me, but about another friend who had a stillbirth) was "you would think that she would be over it by now." I couldn't believe it! I didn't realize that you were only allowed to grieve for your baby for a set amount of time! People don't know how lucky they are to not have to experience the pain of a loss.

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  #16  
September 26th, 2010, 10:45 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry-I think people are just so hurt and unbelieving that terrible things like this happen in the world, that they just open their mouths to try to make sense of it and help, and terrible things just pour out--((hugs))
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  #17  
September 27th, 2010, 07:09 AM
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Oh Addie! Huge hugs! I say we come up with a list of smart-*** and rude responses for the next time you get an insensitive and lame comment.
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  #18  
September 27th, 2010, 07:31 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry People who haven't been through it have absolutely no clue, and apparently they don't have brains to think before they speak or hearts to consider another person's pain. I have tried to let those kinds of comments roll off of me, but they still sting, and I still remember them all.
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