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Girls....I'm scared! Please help!


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
October 4th, 2010, 08:24 PM
LindseyandJoeinAL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,615
It just hit me tonight that I am scared! We have so many things going on at once. We moved into a tiny rental house last week and we're piled on top of each other with furniture lining the walls and I'm living out of garment boxes in the garage. I can't find my cleaning supplies and we can't run the dish washer because I can't find the powder. My shower is so teeny tiny I can barely wash my hair and I'm only 5'2! But I feel guilty because so many people live in small houses their entire lives. Am I a terrible person for wanting more space?

I started my new job, and although it's going well, there is tons of pressure to perform.

We're building a house and I've met with the builder 5+ times over the past few weeks and there will be dozens more of those meetings. Do we do scored concrete floors or wood? Do I want light cabinets or dark cabinets? Color on the walls or neutrals? So many decisions!!! It's quite overwhelming and we haven't even started yet.

And last, but certainly not least....I start my IVF injections Friday. I have been SO cool about all of this stuff until tonight. I don't know if it's hormones or timing or what, but I'm starting to freak out a little bit. I don't have that crazy desire to have a baby like I did a year ago. It's almost like I don't care one way or another. Is that a coping mechanism? Does it mean I truly don't want to have a baby? But when I think about my life without children it scares me to death. I feel like I have to do it now because of my insurance and also because in the back of my mind I know I really want to. Has anyone else felt this way before starting IVF?

I'm starting to crack and I'm afraid it's going to be overwhelming. Any advice?
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Lindsey - 38
Joe - 46
TTC baby #2

lap surgery Apr 2010 stage 2 endo removed
IVF #1 BFN 11/2010
IVF #2 BFP! 12/2010
Wonderful, sweet daughter Khloe born August 2011
FET #1 - Oct 2012 BFN
FET #2 - Dec 2012 BFN
2nd lap surgery Dec 2012 stage 1 endo removed
IUI Apr 2013 cancelled due to producing 10 mature follicles
IUI June 2013 BFN
IVF #3 Sept 2013 BFN
IVF #4 Nov 2013 BFP! on 8dp3dt
Expecting boy/girl twins 8/1/14

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  #2  
October 4th, 2010, 08:40 PM
adnelg775's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,232
Lindsey, I felt just like you did before I did my IVF. For some reason, once I really felt like we were getting started, I started thinking more about the downside to it all. Like you say, I just think I was getting myself ready for the disappointment of my BFN, making it hurt a little less.

As far as advice goes...I don't know. Plan some fun little things to get your mind off it. Read a good book or two.

When I was giving myself the PIO, I would think about how it was helping that little embryo in there... In the 2ww it becomes easier to remember how much you want to have a baby.

I hope your IVF cycle is a success! Best of luck!
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  #3  
October 4th, 2010, 09:17 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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I felt the same way!! I just wanted to get it over with so I knew the outcome, even if it was bad. I definitely think it is just a coping mechanism...if you can somehow convince yourself that you don't care, you think it will hurt less if it doesn't work. This isn't true, of course, but we all try anyway.

I'm not sure I have any advice. Just try to concentrate on one day at a time, and try to take some time out for yourself (manicure, pedicure, or something). IVF is the most stressful, emotional, exhausting thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. I hope you have great success!
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IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #4  
October 4th, 2010, 09:29 PM
ttcmymiracle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,808
I'm so glad you shared this because I am about to start IVF injections next week and its been insane getting all this together and all of a sudden I have feelings of OMG this could be happening in just 10 months! Am I really ready? I mean I have waited my whole life for this but its scary to think it might be here soon!! I feel the rush from insurance at this point because in Jan mine will be changing and the coverage will not be as good, so now it is definitely now or never..... IVF brings forth so many decisions on its own and it really is a full time job! I cannot imagine building a house at the same time, bless you! I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that everything settles and we both feel more relaxed and ok with everything. I definitely think its a coping mechanism though....i want it so badly but i keep trying to make myself think i have to prepare for bad news. But we will see BFPs in the end and think positive thoughts for now!!! Good luck girl, you are in my prayers! Im so glad I have other ladies on here to go through this with because it is stressful and scary!
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TTC since Nov. 2007. All testing=completely normal....but we still have empty arms! clomid-thin lining and BFN; femara-BFN, 3 IUIs= BFN, IVF (Nov 2010)= BFN. IVF 2 (FET)= BFP!! beta 1: 29.2 beta 2: 120!!!

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  #5  
October 4th, 2010, 10:11 PM
demumbran0516's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 337
Just relax! Everything is going to be fine. The only advice I can give you is about your future house. When we started building our home, I went and got as many mags as I could and started taking out the pictures of what I liked. I got a notebook and labeled a tab for each room. For about 6 months, I did nothing but collect and when we were ready to start making decisions I picked stuff out of my notebook. Gave me a good idea of what I liked and didn't. Keep your head up. As for the IVF, good luck!
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  #6  
October 4th, 2010, 10:17 PM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
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Hang in there hun! its totally normal..its just a bit of feeling over whelmed and anxious! I know exactly what you mean..btdt! I sure hope things go well for you and you can calm your nerves! like a pp said..get a pedi or a mani! Or a massage! I hope all goes well for you!! HUGS!
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  #7  
October 5th, 2010, 04:29 AM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Its ok Lindsey. You do have a ton going on right now and anyone in that situation would be scared as well. I think because you are finally starting on something that might bring you baby it can be a bit overwhelming because that time is acutally here. In addition to everything else you have going on. If possible take some time to relax, get your nails done or go shopping, even if its only for 1/2 hour. If you do something small each day, its something "fun" to look foward to and take you out of all the stress, even if only for a little bit.

You will do great this cycle, and I know that we will be meeting this IVF baby of ours very soon!!!
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  #8  
October 5th, 2010, 05:26 AM
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Oh Lindsey. Big hugs to you! My only advice... just breathe. Put one foot in front of the other and take things one day at a time. You are understandably overwhelmed right now, but I have no doubt you'll get through the hard times soon. Hang in there!
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  #9  
October 5th, 2010, 05:38 AM
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Lindsey the other girls have already said it all. I don't think anybody would argue with you that this is such a huge emotional and physical roller coaster. And on top of that you are taking on the crazy task of building a home... I'm worn out just reading about everything you are going through.

All I can tell you is what I have been saying to myself everyday, many times a day...

"It will all work out".

I don't know how, and I don't know when but I do know that it will all work out. Hang in there sweetie!
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  #10  
October 5th, 2010, 11:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LindseyandJoeinAL View Post
I don't have that crazy desire to have a baby like I did a year ago. It's almost like I don't care one way or another. Is that a coping mechanism? Does it mean I truly don't want to have a baby? But when I think about my life without children it scares me to death.

Its really weird you mentioned this b/c this is EXACTLY what's been going thru my head the past few weeks. I feel like I'm already counting myself out before I even start & that's just doing 2 IUI's, not even forging ahead like you with IVF. I honestly think it is a coping mechanism, like I'm mentally preparing now for disappointment & having life as just DH & I until the end............ I know there is a plan made out for all of us, I wonder if this is his plan for me, to be an awesome aunt but never a mother??? I am praying for you & that it works because I honestly know you will ROCK as a mom
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  #11  
October 5th, 2010, 11:41 AM
jamie7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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HUGS! I can't imagine doing everything that you are at one time! Take a deep breath it will all work out. You will have a new beautiful house with hopefully one (or 2) little ones in it very soon!
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  #12  
October 5th, 2010, 12:03 PM
Dóchas's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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everyone has said it all but I just wanted to give you a hug...
Try and pamper yourself some bit even if its to take an hrs and sit & listen to music to relax or read or whatever you do to put your mind at ease.
I will say a prayer that your stress goes down honey and that we will be celebrating with you very soon..
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  #13  
October 5th, 2010, 02:57 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Big Hugs! Big big hugs!

I'm SO sorry life is being so overwhelming for you right now! You truly do have ALOT on your plate right now. I hope everything starts to even out for you & life is soon full of happiness & contentment
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  #14  
October 5th, 2010, 03:17 PM
Laurenj915's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Aw, you are just overwhelmed. You have so much going on.

The rental is a means to an end. You will look back on this tiny little place with fond memories as the place you lived when your were first pregnant. Plus, you will REALLY appreciate your new house.

Also, I think it's normal some days (or months) to not want a baby badly. Just think how much stress and heartache TTC has caused us. It's practically post traumatic stress syndrome! I was driving home today being pessimistic and I thought that if I'm not pregnant I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want a baby, I don't even want to think about babies anymore. It's just stress.

You need one of your weekends away with Joe. If I lived close to you I'd drag you to a yoga class.
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  #15  
October 5th, 2010, 06:00 PM
LindseyandJoeinAL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Awwww....thank ya'll so much for your wonderful, supportive advice! I knew you sweet ladies would make me feel better.

It's 7:45 pm. and I just got home. Another 12 hour day, but for some reason I'm doing better today! I had my injection class this afternoon and it was pretty overwhelming, but I think I'm okay. Joe couldn't go with me, so I was on my own, but it wasn't too bad. I'm going to give myself the injections, so I guess he really wasn't needed. I also received all of my medications today. They take up the whole top shelf of my refrigerator!

I think I can do this. I have never had so many major things going on at once. I stopped by Books a Million at lunch and bought 5 silly romance books for $1.00 each. I love that rack out front where everything's a dollar. Reading all those books should take my mind off my stress for a while.

One day at a time.....one foot in front of the other.....
__________________
Lindsey - 38
Joe - 46
TTC baby #2

lap surgery Apr 2010 stage 2 endo removed
IVF #1 BFN 11/2010
IVF #2 BFP! 12/2010
Wonderful, sweet daughter Khloe born August 2011
FET #1 - Oct 2012 BFN
FET #2 - Dec 2012 BFN
2nd lap surgery Dec 2012 stage 1 endo removed
IUI Apr 2013 cancelled due to producing 10 mature follicles
IUI June 2013 BFN
IVF #3 Sept 2013 BFN
IVF #4 Nov 2013 BFP! on 8dp3dt
Expecting boy/girl twins 8/1/14

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  #16  
October 5th, 2010, 07:30 PM
Veteran
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Location: Southeastern PA
Posts: 135
Hey Lindsey...you said it...one foot in front of the other. And you CAN do it!! I remember I posted the other day that my first IVF freakout moment was when I got my meds. That passed though and I just focused on the first med I was taking.

I start injections on Monday...hopefully we can support each other through all of this
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  #17  
October 6th, 2010, 12:53 PM
eccomi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: italy
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lindsey

i am thinking of you. i know you have a lot on your plate but i also know that you are a strong woman and that you can handle it! just put one foot in front of the other and try not to think of the "big picture"... takes things just one day at a time. it will all be worth it when you're holding that baby in your arms.

be strong sister!
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thank you bonnie (cavewoman) for my beautiful siggy!

cycles 1-16: TTC naturally, all BFNs
cycle 17 & 18: not TTC (due to diagnostic tests)
october 14: RE appt with follow-up hysteroscopy + saline sonogram... TUBES ARE CLEAR!
cycle 19, 20 & 21: natural TTC cycles = BFNs
cycle 22: another natural cycle, but preparing for our first IUI with injectables for cycle 23! FINALLY!!!
FEBRUARY 10th... our very first when we least expected it!!!

october 26th... our little miracle arrived via c-section at 12:19pm weighing 3.920 kilos! we are in love.
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  #18  
October 6th, 2010, 07:26 PM
LindseyandJoeinAL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,615
Annie, we are very close in schedules! I'm starting my Lupron Friday morning. Thank goodness I have a dear friend who is a nurse and she's coming over to help me with my first shot. I'll let you know how it goes! I'm so happy to have a "buddy" to go through all of this with.

Amy, you're such a sweetheart! Thank you for the heartfelt and encouraging words of advice. ((((hugs))))
__________________
Lindsey - 38
Joe - 46
TTC baby #2

lap surgery Apr 2010 stage 2 endo removed
IVF #1 BFN 11/2010
IVF #2 BFP! 12/2010
Wonderful, sweet daughter Khloe born August 2011
FET #1 - Oct 2012 BFN
FET #2 - Dec 2012 BFN
2nd lap surgery Dec 2012 stage 1 endo removed
IUI Apr 2013 cancelled due to producing 10 mature follicles
IUI June 2013 BFN
IVF #3 Sept 2013 BFN
IVF #4 Nov 2013 BFP! on 8dp3dt
Expecting boy/girl twins 8/1/14

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