Log In Sign Up

Thanks for that, MIL.


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 29th, 2010, 08:45 AM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 85
So with the holidays came the "when can we expect #2" questions from my MIL. FIL is now 5 years deceased, and DH is the youngest of three boys (and the only one who hasn't had a vasectomy, so we're the last chance my MIL has to hold babies). MIL is 72 and all her sons are 8-10 years apart.

I decided to be frank and tell her that we've been trying, it's not going so well (four failed Clomid cycles this year) and we're taking a break before pursuing more testing and different MA avenues. After being asked, I told her that we weren't sure if we would be willing to do IVF should it come down to it and we'd probably consider adoption instead.

She very matter-of-factly said that any adopted child wouldn't "be family" and that she would pray that I would get pregnant sooner. I told her I had the love in my heart for any child that I was blessed with, no matter how they came to my family. She said, "You have your daughter. You know you won't love another child who isn't yours."

Nice to know I have some GREAT support I can count on. *sigh*
Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 29th, 2010, 08:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
Wow, that's awful that she feels that way
My MIL hasn't said anything quite that negative about adoption, but when we've talked about it I can tell she isn't very excited about the idea. In fact, almost everyone I've talked to about adoption has acted like, "Oh, I hope it doesn't come to that....". What if it does? Will they see my adopted child as a disappointment or second best? It really bothers me.
__________________
Joyful Mama to 2 Sweet little boys










My Ovulation Chart
Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 29th, 2010, 08:59 AM
hopingforbabymc's Avatar Finally Pregnant!
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,138
I think at this point I wouldn't mind an adopted child. I want more children, have love for more children, and biological or not, I truly believe I'd love them the same.
__________________
Mitch and Marlena, proud parents to Devin, Liam, and Micah.

Team BLUE!! Two precious boys born on October 28th, 2013.
Liam - 6lbs 7oz
Micah - 6lbs 10oz
Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 29th, 2010, 09:15 AM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 85
It was just soooo depressing to hear. I mean, it's bad enough that she doesn't get that we can't just look at one another and POOF be pregnant. I know technology has changed a lot and she is of a different generation, but even then some positive support would be nice. I'm so sick of hearing that all of the efforts we're putting into it are just making it worse (i.e. "just relax!"). So if I'm not aware of the only three days I have a decent shot at getting pregnant in any given cycle, I'll be better off? Or if I just stop taking things that improve egg quality, my eggs will suddenly be better? What the...? (OK I'll stop, I could go on and on with those!)

I feel like there would be less pressure on me if I knew adoption was an option. Then the completion of my family wouldn't 100% be on me. MIL is a rather callous person most times, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. At least DH had the grace to be just as horrified at her reaction as I was. He said that we would create our own family as best we could, and if she doesn't think our children are "family" then maybe she's the one who doesn't belong. Thank God I married such a wonderful man.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
December 29th, 2010, 09:18 AM
Jacquie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,973
I'm sorry, I don't even know what I would have said to that. I'm really sorry that she said that to you and that you don't have her support.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
December 29th, 2010, 11:43 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 974
Wow! I don't know how I would have responded to her. I am sorry that you don't have her support. She sounds like she is a witch!
__________________
~Tracey (42), mom to Reagan(born 08/07/11)

3 failed fresh IVFs, 1 failed FET
Surprise BFP in 12/10 after acupuncture & herbs!!
1 beautiful, perfect daughterl!




Reply With Quote
  #7  
December 29th, 2010, 11:58 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I am so sorry she does not support you And adoption is a wonderful idea, we are going to adopt next year!
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



Reply With Quote
  #8  
December 29th, 2010, 12:51 PM
Angel_Maker
Guest
Posts: n/a
WoW I guess my family would be sh-*t out of luck in our case

Luckily, my FIL is adopted, so DH's family is obviously not opposed to adoption, and in my family, I have several adopted cousins...so everyone was on board with our decision to adopt, however, it wouldn't have changed our minds if someone opposed.

Good luck with everything...I'm excited to see you with a new baby, no matter HOW s/he enters your life
Reply With Quote
  #9  
December 29th, 2010, 01:41 PM
LindseyMarie's Avatar Professionally Awesome
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Aurora, Colorado
Posts: 11,665
Send a message via AIM to LindseyMarie
oh wow.... I would not have been able to talk to that! My family is actually very for adoption (Vs IVF.. but they are catholic and IVF is evil in their minds...)

I wish people could keep their opinion to themselves!
__________________



After years of trying, 2 years of fertility meds, multiple surgeries, blood draws and needle sticks, some awful pre-IVF complications, and endometriosis and PCOS,
We are done TTC. Praying for peace as we accept this...
Hoping for some comfort after our most recent (and 3rd) surgery and starting Lupron!






Reply With Quote
  #10  
December 29th, 2010, 04:19 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,159
wow, she sounds like a piece of work. I would pay money to be able to talk to that woman on the phone. Just for the record, you can love an adopted child as your own, if you choose to.
__________________
Mama to 5!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
December 29th, 2010, 05:50 PM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 16,068
Yikes! I don't know how I would have responded to that.
__________________
Missing our Angel since April 11, 2008
Reply With Quote
  #12  
December 29th, 2010, 07:14 PM
LilSunshine's Avatar ♥ Super Moderator ♥
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 32,177
Oh wow. I'm sorry she feels that way and felt the need to share it with you.
__________________


September 2009 @ 6 weeks May 2011 @ 11 weeks
Reply With Quote
  #13  
December 30th, 2010, 06:20 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
Some people just blow my mind...seriously.

Honestly though, I've always had the desire to one day adopt. After Hailey was born, I mentioned it in passing to DH and he said that he could never love another child the way he loved Hailey. I think it was fear talking. Over the years, he's said just that, and his primary concern now is the money factor in adoption.
__________________
Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
Reply With Quote
  #14  
December 30th, 2010, 07:13 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,456
That's horribly insensitive of her. I worry about feeling skeptical about adoption, but I think that is just because I'm so unfamiliar with it. It can be scary for people, I suppose. You don't want to get all finished with the process and realize you can't give all the love you can. (I would imagine it's hard not to, though!)

However, I think it's a really selfish thing to be concerned with DNA or inheriting genes when there are lots of babies that need loving parents-- people who have bio children AND those who are unable to conceive. Of course it seems natural to want a bio baby-- but it's not like adoption is a "last ditch effort" or anything like that... It's about loving and caring for a child, period. And that's natural too!

Sometimes people will never understand because they've never had to actually consider being in that position. It's really frustrating. I'm sorry she was so witchy!
__________________
~Jes~
& Rowan!

Born 12/30/11 and absolutely perfect!

Reply With Quote
  #15  
December 30th, 2010, 08:49 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 6,083
Wow! I can't believe that! She sounds kind of horrible I hope that you can find support elsewhere...
__________________
Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long!
Secondary Infertility Blog*~*http://onemunchkin.blogspot.com/ *~*

Reply With Quote
  #16  
December 30th, 2010, 09:22 AM
tabbymichelle's Avatar GO BUCKEYES!!! O-H-I-O!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: West Portsmouth, Ohio
Posts: 7,647
Send a message via ICQ to tabbymichelle Send a message via MSN to tabbymichelle Send a message via Yahoo to tabbymichelle Send a message via Skype™ to tabbymichelle
wow, just wow. It's talk like that that could end in a fat lip. I wouldn't tolerate that at all and I would have told her that it makes her sound like a hag!! I can't believe that she feels that way about adoption! My grandmother was adopted and had she not been, I would probably not be here so I am very grateful for my great grandmother who gave my grandmother a chance at a better life. Sorry that you don't have the support you deserve. *HUGS*
__________________

Tabitha & Ryan; Married on Saturday, April 17, 2004 -TTC #1 for 7.5 years. Missing our Angels...

Dx with PCOS at age 14.
Miscarriage in June 2006
2 cycles of Clomid 50mg
1 cycle of Clomid 100mg resulting in miscarriage
Dx with Adenomyosis on 1/28/10
Clomid 150mg 4/30(day 3) - 5/4(day 5) Ultrasound on May 10th.
5/10 - Ultrasound showed 2 perfect follies! (15mm&17mm) Ovulation predicted within 6 days! Progesterone check ordered for 5/20.
5/27 - New round of Clomid started, no ultrasound this cycle, 2 more cycles planned on our own. If no bfp, onto next step!
6/27 - Round 3 Clomid 150mg started.
7/25 - AF Showed, starting final round of Clomid 150mg on CD3
8/21- AF Showed, In the process of finding a new RE
*Waiting to see our new RE



My Personal Links:

My Facebook My Chart Follow me on Twitter! My Personal Blog Tabby's Craft Corner
Pixel Perfect Photography(My Business) Pixel Perfect on Facebook Pixel Perfect on Twitter

Reply With Quote
  #17  
December 30th, 2010, 08:46 PM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 85
Thank you so much you guys, that means a lot. I really think it's a matter of her not having to deal with infertility (she planned her family out exactly the way she wanted). I've always envisioned a large family for myself, and I think I will be lucky to have 2 (maybe 3) on my own. And really, I might not even be THAT lucky.

DH and I (long ago, pre-IF) had agreed that adoption and foster care wouldn't be out of the question for our family. We actually saw our family as a mix of both bio kids and adopted ones, but all loved nonetheless. I have a very big heart and I have just always loved children. I actually fear the adoption process more than anything; I feel like it would just break my heart if things didn't go well.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:57 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0