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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
December 30th, 2010, 07:26 AM
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I'm always curious...how do you handle comments from other people about trying for a baby?

I am surrounded by people it seems like who just don't get that you can just look at someone and get pregnant Usually, I've just blown it off as "its not the right time for us yet" or "we're just enjoying DD a little longer before adding #2 to the picture" or something along those lines...but really I feel like its a total lie. BUT, i'm not exactly comfortable broadcasting everything that's going on - even though those people would be supportive and understanding - its just kinda personal! (In my mind, the less people know about what we're doing with MA and were we are at the better because if we get a BFN or have a loss, it will be less people to have to "Tell" the news too if that makes sense).
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  #2  
December 30th, 2010, 08:01 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I usually make it VERY obvious that I'm uncomfortable with the question by not even acknowledging it. My go-to has been a shrug and "hm, I dunno." Then I change the subject. I used to be able to come up with something witty, but as time has gone on with no babies, it's getting tougher and tougher to be nice about it. Usually DH jumps in and say something like "some day!" because he knows I can get feisty. It's just not appropriate, no matter who you are. If I want to tell you we're trying, or that we're thinking of having a baby (#1, 2, or 238) then I'll tell you myself. Ya don't have to ask! I'm with ya though-- it's definitely harder to have people who know you're trying, and who ask monthly (if not weekly or daily) if you have any news. /sigh
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  #3  
December 30th, 2010, 08:04 AM
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Ugh, that question is so annoying! I always wished that I was about to respond back with , "Well, that is really none of your business!". But I just couldn't do it!

I say, "Whenever we are blessed!". This usually shuts people up as they don't know how to respond to that excpet for, Oh, that is nice!
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Last edited by ttb1105; December 30th, 2010 at 08:08 AM.
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  #4  
December 30th, 2010, 08:15 AM
Angel_Maker
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For us, we were SO EXCITED about TTC that we told everyone in the beginning

Then after the twins, I was so bitter, that I would snap at people if/when they asked about more babies. I've never been one to sugar coat my answers for others
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  #5  
December 30th, 2010, 09:45 AM
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I always took the "we're just not ready yet". That way, people stopped asking but I didn't get the pitying looks from people or the whispered "Oh, Amanda and Dan are having trouble..." thing. It was important to me to not get any pity or be the subject of gossip-as well intentioned as people may have been.
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  #6  
December 30th, 2010, 10:01 AM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
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Thats always a tough question..especially when you work with kids like i did..everyone knew i loved kids..we would just say when the Lord blesses us! Well in the end we got soo tired of hiding it and just told anyone who asked that we were going to use med assistance..then it turned to we think we are going to adopt..well then it happened!! good luck hun..it is tough..ive been there! HUGS!
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  #7  
December 31st, 2010, 11:36 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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After four years, four losses, and now MA, if someone asks, I just say "When we finally conceive a baby that my body will decide to let me keep, then we'll have one." They never ask again.
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  #8  
December 31st, 2010, 01:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallen2Love View Post
I am surrounded by people it seems like who just don't get that you can just look at someone and get pregnant
I say that all the time! LOL, quit reading my mind!

Honestly, with TTC DD I was so alone and depressed over it. I had online forums, but that's different than family/friends. Very close friends knew, but didn't want to be terribly involved in the emotional support (they just didn't get it). Family was about the same - my mom always changed the subject when I mentioned visiting the doctor. It was really just DH and I. Perfect strangers weren't given much info; I just said that we were enjoying a prolonged honeymoon with just us (besides, since when is 2 years between wedding - baby a big deal?).

Now that I'm TTC #2 I realize that I might be of help to others who might be going through the same thing. I posted not long ago on facebook that TTC #2 was taking time, and asked if my FB friends would want to be informed about what we're going through or not. I actually got an OVERWHELMINGLY positive response back. It made me cry to see it. I even got messages from others, whom I had NO idea were going through or have gone through the same thing. It was really helpful to see. Now, I don't post "Crunchymama has EWCM! DH is in TROUBLE TONIGHT!" ROFL - his mom can see that. But I will post things like "Going to see the doc" and "I friggin' hate negative HPTs! UGH!" and "Clomid is making me very WOOZY today!" stuff like that. Not things. If someone wants more info (usually someone going through the same thing) I PM that stuff.

I will also be more forthcoming with strangers who ask (and yeah, that does happen - a sweet old lady in the store informed me it was "time for number two"). Not all of them understand, in fact it's rare that they do. But maybe someone will be heartened by what I say, and maybe I'll help someone. Who knows.
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Me: 29 DH: 30
TTC #1
9/30/2006: Surprise BFP - a honeymoon souvenir! Found out at 9 weeks!
10/23/2006: Miscarriage in the ER. Devastated, but back to TTC.
12/2007: Began hormone testing, suspected PCOS (but not officially Dx'd)
1/2008: 1st round 50 mg Clomid
2/3/08: BFP!!
10/2/08: DD born via emergent c-section. So in love!
TTC #2
8/2009: Still BFing, cycles resumed! Starting to try for #2!
6/2010: Began first round 50mg Clomid. BFN.
11/2010: Third round of Clomid - ! Tests turn into a day later; chemical pregnancy.
12/2010: Fourth Clomid round is a . Taking a MA break before moving forward with possible IUI.



"Q: How many infertility patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Screw in a lightbulb?! Hmmm... do you think that might help?"
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  #9  
December 31st, 2010, 05:04 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,687
After my dh and I got married EVERYONE in our families kept asking us when we were going to have a baby. The joke was we needed an "ours" since we had yours and mine before we met (we both had children from before we met). After trying for a year or so we saw a dr about it and beging ttc with ma. When people kept asking about having a baby we finally began being honest.

Now that I am pregnant everyone keeps asking if it happened naturally. I am kind of annoyed....because I don't ask them which position they were doing "it" in when they conceived their children! LOL I feel like that would be the equivalent question! And my mother in law is very against medication so I feel like she is looking down at us for not conceiving naturally.
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  #10  
December 31st, 2010, 05:25 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 10,874
I have either given the response "well it isn't always easy for everyone" and recently "whenever the Lord blesses us with one". Both of those responses have generally not led to follow up questions, unless it was someone I was close to, lucky for me they were curious and not rude about it.
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  #11  
December 31st, 2010, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Augie View Post
After four years, four losses, and now MA, if someone asks, I just say "When we finally conceive a baby that my body will decide to let me keep, then we'll have one." They never ask again.
Lol!! I about told this to dd today!! We were at the YMCA (joining a plan we have had for about 6 months). The lady said it is just you dh and dd correct? Dd chimes in and says "yeah just me All by myself. Mommy won't let me have a brother or sister". Seriously girlie? My own child said that to a "stranger". Sigh
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  #12  
December 31st, 2010, 07:44 PM
LilSunshine's Avatar ♥ Super Moderator ♥
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I think it's so rude when people ask. My response really depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm polite and sometimes....not so much.
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  #13  
December 31st, 2010, 08:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
It depends on my mood and how close I am to the person who is asking. Sometimes I am vague, and sometimes I just say, "Well, we aren't sure if we can have any more kids."...which I think is a fair answer (after all, who CAN be absolutely sure that they will be able tohave more kids?).
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  #14  
December 31st, 2010, 08:58 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13
I tend to like them feel as uncomfortable as they make me feel. My feeling is if we are close enough for you to ask me that personal of a question then you already know the answer and what is going on with me.

So when asked I usually say something (in my most sarcastic and b**chy tone) along the lines of we have been trying for over 2 years with no success, it has been a very difficult time for us, but thanks for asking. Probably not the best way to handle it but after almost 3 years of dealing this, I may be a little bitter...lol!!!
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  #15  
January 1st, 2011, 05:30 PM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by reb259 View Post
I tend to like them feel as uncomfortable as they make me feel. My feeling is if we are close enough for you to ask me that personal of a question then you already know the answer and what is going on with me.

So when asked I usually say something (in my most sarcastic and b**chy tone) along the lines of we have been trying for over 2 years with no success, it has been a very difficult time for us, but thanks for asking. Probably not the best way to handle it but after almost 3 years of dealing this, I may be a little bitter...lol!!!
That... is... AWESOME. I should do the same thing when I know it's a busybody and not asked out of genuine concern.
__________________
Me: 29 DH: 30
TTC #1
9/30/2006: Surprise BFP - a honeymoon souvenir! Found out at 9 weeks!
10/23/2006: Miscarriage in the ER. Devastated, but back to TTC.
12/2007: Began hormone testing, suspected PCOS (but not officially Dx'd)
1/2008: 1st round 50 mg Clomid
2/3/08: BFP!!
10/2/08: DD born via emergent c-section. So in love!
TTC #2
8/2009: Still BFing, cycles resumed! Starting to try for #2!
6/2010: Began first round 50mg Clomid. BFN.
11/2010: Third round of Clomid - ! Tests turn into a day later; chemical pregnancy.
12/2010: Fourth Clomid round is a . Taking a MA break before moving forward with possible IUI.



"Q: How many infertility patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Screw in a lightbulb?! Hmmm... do you think that might help?"
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  #16  
January 1st, 2011, 06:07 PM
Blondn6ft's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,544
I usually just say ... "yup, were trying ... and because we are old we just need more practice!"
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