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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
March 3rd, 2011, 06:47 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 14,102
I fooled myself into believing that since I've lost so much weight and gotten so healthy on our little "break" that maybe this would help. I think I was really starting to believe it, but as today hits with a huge temp drop its hitting me. Harder than it hit me when my RE told us we needed IVF back a few months ago. Why me? Why us? Part of me feels like doing it RIGHT NOW because its no use continuing what we're doing. And the other part of me feels like, F it. I cant take it anymore and dont think I could go through all that, especially the financial burden.

I think i've cried 3 or 4 times already this morning. I just want to be normal and get pregnant by having sex. Thats it, thats all we should have to do. Why cant every state cover IVF? That would make this crap so much easier on so many women I swear.

I dont even know what to do with myself. I was so happy for a couple months with all the hard work I had put into myself losing so much weight and getting so healthy, and now here I am back in this slump I have been in for TWO years.

I dont know what to do, I dont....

__________________
Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #2  
March 3rd, 2011, 06:53 AM
ccartanddesign's Avatar With Faith
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 997
Ashley,
I know how it hurts. You did all the right things. It doesn't seem fair. Take a day to just feel how you feel and take care of yourself. Pamper yourself, or treat yourself to something. I know - its a small thing in comparison but just try to feel better. And remember that the hormones are probably affecting how you feel too. I know they do for me too. My first IUI last month didn't work and today is CD2 but I am still encouraged. I'm praying you will be too.
__________________
Me-38 DH-38. TTC #1 since August 2009
2/2011 - IUI + Femara + HCG trigger and Progesterone injection BFN
3/2011 - IUI + Femara + HCG trigger and Progesterone injection
4/2011 - not doing IUI - DH out of town
5/2011 - IUI with Femara and HCG trigger. In hospital due to infection from IUI.
Took a break from all meds this summer.
9/2011: - Start with new RE - testing begins.
10/2011: - Hysteroscopy - determine tubes are blocked.
10/2011 : - Laparoscopy - clip blocked tubes, determine right ovary is adhered to pelvic wall, cut adhesions
11/24/2011: IVF cycle #1 begins. Start stims.
12/2/2011: End stims. HCG trigger.
12/4/2011: Egg Retrieval. 9 eggs, only 1 embryo.
12/7/2011: Transfer.
12/20/2011: IVF #1 failed.
1/16/2012: IVF #2 first scan
"Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." Matt. 19:26
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  #3  
March 3rd, 2011, 07:15 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NY Baby!
Posts: 639
ashley - i had one of those weeks last week; i mean seriously sad and depressed; we got a positive blood test and rejoiced and were soooo excited and then i started spotting, and well, u know the rest - it was either a chemical, or a false pos from the trigger shot i took

i was just thinking the same thing today - why the hell cant i just have sex and get pregnant? why?

i dont know your history, but, would it be worth maybe gettting a second opinion? as for the IVF, my insurance does not cover, so i get you on that; but, could you do a payment plan?
__________________
acgka; ALI

Married May 2010
TTC since August 2010, almost a year
IUI in December 2010 - BFP - chemical
IUI on 3/13/11 - BFN
April natural cycle - BFP on 4/22 - chemical confirmed 4/28
IUI done on 5/12 - BFN

IUI #4 done 6/6 - BFN
so sick of getting BFNs

total of 4 failed IUIs
IVF in July

using acupuncture 1x week, Royal Jelly, pre natals, organic Spirulina, Maca Root and Red Raspberry tea
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  #4  
March 3rd, 2011, 07:22 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 14,102
Yea, im fine getting a loan for the IVF (we have some money to put down on it, but not ALL $14,000) I just hate debt, and hate to add that to our bills. Not that its not the most important debt EVER, but you know what I mean...

And as for a second opinion...HA! This RE is my second opinion, my first one told me everything was just fine and went ahead with a wasted first IUI. Then I left him and found this wonderful RE (she isnt the most compassionate, but she has the best IVF success rates in MO) and she asked to look through all my medical records and the film from my HSG from the old RE. And told me he completely missed my right tube being completely blocked. On top of that DH doesnt have the best sperm and I also have an MTHFR gene mutation.

So....yea.
__________________
Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #5  
March 3rd, 2011, 08:03 AM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
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  #6  
March 3rd, 2011, 08:15 AM
Joliving4Jesus's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Marietta, GA
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I'm so sorry Ashley, I know the feeling all too well. I felt so excited this past November when my dh got his sa and we came to find out it was "almost" normal, from severe male factor 5 years prior to now nearly normal, I felt so positive and thought, its going to happen soon! And here we are 4 months after that sa and no bfp yet. It took us 26 months to conceive our son, but we did conceive him and naturally when they said IVF was our only hope, so we beat the odds. Every month that I discover I am not pregnant, it takes another little piece out of me and I lose a little more hope, its so very hard, I really hope we all get our miracles very soon.
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  #7  
March 3rd, 2011, 09:04 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 975
I am so sorry Ashley. I am still hoping for that miracle baby for you.
__________________
~Tracey (42), mom to Reagan(born 08/07/11)

3 failed fresh IVFs, 1 failed FET
Surprise BFP in 12/10 after acupuncture & herbs!!
1 beautiful, perfect daughterl!




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  #8  
March 3rd, 2011, 09:14 AM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 8,635
Ashley I hate that you are feeling this way today.

I will say that the 3x's i have gotten pregnant were after a huge weight loss but it took around 3-4 months after i lost the weight to get pregnant each time. YOu have done great with your weight loss..dont think its for nothing.

as for the debt of ivf... I will say that I wish i had never done it...and thats mostly because it didnt work and we were stuck with a $300 payment for five years and it was awful having that reminder each month...we still have $1800 left on it. I wish we could of saved up for at least half of the cost..that wouldnt of hurt "so bad"

i KNOW that you will have a baby...ive always felt that you would find success..i just wish it would hurry up and happen so that you wouldnt be in this pain anymore.
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  #9  
March 3rd, 2011, 09:29 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 14,102
Thanks for being so honest Christin, I love that. Thats exactly why I dont want to get a loan and stuff, I dont want it to not work and continue to be paying per month for NOTHING. I keep thinking that i'll be one of those people who gets pregnant (and stays pregnant) by some miracle when they were told they would need IVF, but at what point do I stop thinking that and face reality? I dont know.

*I just realized the title of this thread is the same of another thread in here right now, sorry.
__________________
Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #10  
March 3rd, 2011, 09:36 AM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: France
Posts: 3,736
Ashley I'm sorry your temp dropped. No matter what it's great that you lost all this weight and got to be in great health - it's good for YOU and it'll be good for your IVF cycle if it comes to that. But I'm hoping you'll get (and stay, obviously) pregnant soon, really soon.
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  #11  
March 3rd, 2011, 01:36 PM
Angel_Maker
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After we lost our twins in August 2007, we tried EVERYTHING (including IVF) to get pregnant and nothing seemed to work....we didn't get pregnant again until October 2009 and that baby was a blighted ovum....we felt so discouraged. We had even geared up to do an FET with our 2 frozen blasts *3* times, but each time we had to cancel the transfer because my body didn't respond to the estrogen patches

I felt like such a failure (still do honestly)....we were told that we could ONLY conceive with IVF, yet I conceived twins with Clomid & TI, a singleton with Clomid, Prednisone & IUI....and the TWO HEALTHIEST babies to date that I have conceived (Evan & Aaliyah) were conceived naturally (which we were told would NEVER happen!)

There is hope....there is ALWAYS hope! If you have any doubts about IVF, then don't do it....I hate myself for *wasting* the money....I'm a very very VERY frugal person and I was feeling so hopeless when I decided to do IVF and I just regret tossing that money away (totally worth it when it's a tho! )

I'll be praying for you hunnie!
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  #12  
March 3rd, 2011, 02:34 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NY Baby!
Posts: 639
i cant believe the doc would miss a tube being blocked , like, seriously, how dumb can u be? that is why i get completely neurotic and ask like a million people what they think - when i had the HSG, i asked the radilogist, nurse, RE, you get the point; it is like i just dont trust anyone; plus, i am in medical sales and in hospitals and ORs all day, so i know all too well what can happen

how did they detect your genetic mutation? just from regular blood chromosomal pattern?

this will be my 2nd IUI - it is 750.00, so, not cheap; i dont want to keep doing IUIs bc a- they are expensive too and b-maybe i should just get aggressive and do the IVF, but, the IVF is a huge burden, financially, as well as emotionally; i dont know either

well, i hope we all get some good luck soon - i mean, c'mon man upstairs!!
__________________
acgka; ALI

Married May 2010
TTC since August 2010, almost a year
IUI in December 2010 - BFP - chemical
IUI on 3/13/11 - BFN
April natural cycle - BFP on 4/22 - chemical confirmed 4/28
IUI done on 5/12 - BFN

IUI #4 done 6/6 - BFN
so sick of getting BFNs

total of 4 failed IUIs
IVF in July

using acupuncture 1x week, Royal Jelly, pre natals, organic Spirulina, Maca Root and Red Raspberry tea
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  #13  
March 3rd, 2011, 03:46 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,307
Im sorry Ashley. I know that feeling all to well about getting hopes up. I lost a ton of weight recently too and i figured it would work right away and i would be pregnant but so far no dice. Im scared to even think about going further down the MA road because of the money.
Hugs******
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  #14  
March 3rd, 2011, 05:36 PM
Tammyms's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton AB, Canada
Posts: 6,451
I'm so sorry Ashley, my heart is breaking for you!
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  #15  
March 3rd, 2011, 05:53 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,464
Im really sorry Ashley ................ after reading your post it really brings back just recent feelings I had & there is no other way to sum it up except to say it really sucks that "just having sex" doesnt work I was SO incredibly hopeful when my doc started Clomid, thought that would be the magic ticket. 6mo later, nothing, then got re-newed excitement knowing Femara would be just what I needed. Nope, 6 mo later, same outcome. I took a few months off just to have a mental break and then finally was over the moon excited when DH agreed we could try IUI just twice. I had ALL the hope in the world, I just knew this was it. After the 1st one failed that was a big reality check, making me wonder, is it even worth it to try again? But yes, tried the 2nd IUI and I was scared %^&less the entire cycle knowing this was it. I had all the hope in the world, I prayed, I ate extra healthy, I did everything text book but still had a negative outcome. After that news, I said forget it, I am done. I cant continue to live like a person I'm not. So...sorry to turn this more into a journal entry, but after taking the past 2 weeks off just to be myself again, enjoy life, love my DH even more, and not spend hours on JM (sorry girls!). I feel NORMAL again, I am happier now, than I have been in a long time. Although we had always said we would not do IVF, DH threw that idea out and I'm just not ready to even think that route. I am scared of failure, afterall, that's all I know so far. For now, I'm living and living happier than I have in a long time. I wish you nothing but the best with whatever you decide down the road to do.... just wanted you to know I'm thinking of ya HUGS to you !!
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  #16  
March 4th, 2011, 07:05 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 10,571
I can relate all too well how you are feeling right now.
I'm so sorry, girl. My heart truly breaks for you because you deserve your miracle baby SO much! It's just NOT fair!

At the end of the day, all we can do is be thankful for what we DO have, & hopeful for what we don't.
I honestly do feel like your miracle is coming soon. I just KNOW it!
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  #17  
March 4th, 2011, 09:08 AM
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  #18  
March 4th, 2011, 09:24 AM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Japan
Posts: 4,015
oh hun..im so sorry you are feeling this way! But like Christin said earlier....you did not lose weight for nothing! you are healthier!! It will pay off!! IF is not fair and it hurts soo much..we are yet another success when being told that IVF was our only option..it still hurts to pay that $300 every month when it failed for us..but you know..we were at our wits end after the ivf..wondering what we would do next..and low and behold..we got pregnant on our own (Brandi's concoction) and we were given only a 1% chance of it ever happening on our own! It was both of us! So dont lose hope sweetie..i wont lie i was at my point of where i didnt want to hear anyones miracle stories..i thought it always happened to everyone else..but thats not true! It does happen to you! I hope you feel better sweetie! I know there is nothing i can say to do that..but just know im praying for you!
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  #19  
March 5th, 2011, 07:14 AM
aogilvie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 601
Hey Ash, why not try a happy medium?... actively BD CD10-18, but forget the temping. You know you consistently ovulate and around when, so just rely on that for a little while. I think the temping might be what's getting you down, so I'm thinking dump it! Be happy!!!
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Ana-31 DH-32
TTC #1 with Endometriosis & Antiphospholipid Syndrome since December 2008
Dec 2008 - April 2010 #17 Natural cycles
May 2010 - IUI + clomid 50mg BFN
June 2010 - IUI + clomid 50mg BFN
July 2010 - IUI + clomid 100mg BFN
Sept/OC 2010 - IVF #1 (1 embryo transfered; none to freeze) BFP!!!
Oct 25 2010 - First ultrasound at 6.5 weeks TWO HEARTBEATS!!! The embryo split; we're having identical twins!!!
Nov 30 2010 - Ultrasound at 11 weeks; no heartbeats & no growth past 9 weeks
Dec 2 - D&C#1
Dec 7 2010 - D&C#2
Dec 22 2010 through current - Weekly acupuncture treatment
May/June 2011 - IVF#2 with acupuncture (1 embryo transferred; 4 embies on ice!!!) BFP!!!
June 29 2011 - First ultrasound at 7.0 weeks. Everything looks great so far!

July 18, 2011 - Second ultrasound at 9.5 weeks. Baby is doing great!

Feb 10 2012 - Molly Eileen arrived at 7lbs 11oz and 19inches!!!
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