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  #1  
March 14th, 2011, 08:03 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know I cant be the only one who gets so incredibly jealous when I see a pregnant woman or someone going into labor.

I tried watching "One born every minute" this past weekend because I've heard so much about it, and I couldnt even stand to watch those people SO close to having a baby in their arms and not realizing what an amazing gift it was. All they do was complain about this or that (Not saying I wouldnt complain about pain!) but things that just dont matter. One girl had a few boys already and had already found out the one she was about to have was a boy and was still upset and saying she hopes it comes out a girl. Ugh! Those kind of people just dont realize how lucky they are!

Then I saw a girl at the grocery store yesterday all cute and pregnant and about my age and I just sucked. I've been bitter for awhile over all of this but I just dont know how to deal anymore! How do you guys deal with it?
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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #2  
March 14th, 2011, 08:15 AM
STL_Beth's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Even though I already have one, I know what you mean because I went through it with #1 and I'm going through it again (and let me tell you, it sucks no matter how many you have). Some people really just don't know how good they do have it. Both my aunt and cousin are pregnant, both were unplanned. Thankfully this time they are both married to the guys (both of their previous ones were not). Not saying you have to be married, but they weren't even in a relationship with their previous baby daddies. And then of course, they are constantly complaining about everything.

And then a lot of people in my DDC (now PR) are pregnant. And when I take DS places, i.e. babies r us, it's like pregnant city in there.

Hang in there, it'll happen for you and then you'll get to have that cute pregnant belly and of course, a little bundle of joy to enjoy.
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  #3  
March 14th, 2011, 08:17 AM
cavewoman's Avatar our miracle is here!! <3
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Honestly.. apparently I don't! lol my DH is always on my case about it because he said its not good to let myself get so upset over it all. But yeah.. I struggle REALLY bad with this - lately especially. I feel like everyone I know is falling PG and some I'm happy for and others I'm just like REALLY!??! I find it a lot harder to be happy for people I know in real life when I know they struggle financially or have had marital issues and such.. and even though that should be absolutely none of my business I can't help but wonder what the heck they were thinking! The only advice I have for you is just to know that your time will come, sometimes you have to take a minute, a few deep breaths and realize that its not completely in your hands. It will happen, its just a matter of when! I also find comfort in knowing I'm not totally alone in this mess!
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  #4  
March 14th, 2011, 08:36 AM
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Yes! I DeAl a lot with anger and failure too.
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  #5  
March 14th, 2011, 09:05 AM
Toots216's Avatar Super Mommy
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I've been having MAJOR issues with this lately. I hate to be the "woe is me" person, but it's hard not to when you see so many people getting pg so easily (and then complaining about the pregnancy/baby constantly!!). UGH!

So to answer your question, I have no idea how to deal with it. I try to hide it as much as humanly possible, otherwise I'll have no friends left!!!!! lol.
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  #6  
March 14th, 2011, 09:38 AM
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I wasn't very good at it before, and I'm not very good at it now, either. There have been several BFPs in my PR in the last month, and they all just take it for granted that their kids will have siblings.

Now, though, when I'm walking in a store with Claire, I wonder if other women see me with her and think I'm some blissfully happy Mommy who takes her child for granted. Looking at us, you wouldn't know what we had to go thru to get this point, so I always try to turn that around. When I see a Mommy with a toddler and a big belly, I try to remember that she may have really struggled for her picture-perfect little family. Sometimes that makes me feel better, and sometimes I just head for the chocolate aisle
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  #7  
March 14th, 2011, 10:18 AM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
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I've gone through stages, and depending on who it is, sometimes I still can't help but be bitter. Now that we are finally moving forward again, I'm feeling less bitter towards people, but I don't think it ever goes away completely.
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  #8  
March 14th, 2011, 10:22 AM
Super Mommy
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i actually have taken a break from facebook, as it was really getting to me - facebook has become mommysbook - i mean, all people do is post pics of their kids, ultrasounds, videos, etc - so, i have not been actively on in about a month; that was best for me
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  #9  
March 14th, 2011, 10:22 AM
Hoping To Be A Mommy
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Location: TEXAS
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I fall apart when people around us even say they are going to start trying. Because i just know the odds. They'll get pregnant while I am still pumping myself full of hormones. I hate it. I hate when someone gets pregnant so easily 1-3 months into their new, reckless marriage. I know exactly what you mean. My 1st loss due date is 2 days from now. My friend who found out she was pregnant with me the 1st time is inducing labor this week. I love her and am happy for her but am insanely jealous. I want to start decorating a nursery and buying clothes and picking out names with a reason.
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  #10  
March 14th, 2011, 11:58 AM
ccartanddesign's Avatar With Faith
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I deal with it by staying incredibly busy. Don't have much time to think. I overthink everything anyway. So I just stay busy.
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2/2011 - IUI + Femara + HCG trigger and Progesterone injection BFN
3/2011 - IUI + Femara + HCG trigger and Progesterone injection
4/2011 - not doing IUI - DH out of town
5/2011 - IUI with Femara and HCG trigger. In hospital due to infection from IUI.
Took a break from all meds this summer.
9/2011: - Start with new RE - testing begins.
10/2011: - Hysteroscopy - determine tubes are blocked.
10/2011 : - Laparoscopy - clip blocked tubes, determine right ovary is adhered to pelvic wall, cut adhesions
11/24/2011: IVF cycle #1 begins. Start stims.
12/2/2011: End stims. HCG trigger.
12/4/2011: Egg Retrieval. 9 eggs, only 1 embryo.
12/7/2011: Transfer.
12/20/2011: IVF #1 failed.
1/16/2012: IVF #2 first scan
"Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." Matt. 19:26
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  #11  
March 14th, 2011, 02:08 PM
Angel_Maker
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I'm pregnant and I'm STILL jealous of other preggos and mothers with babies...

And Melissa, I sooooo feel you about people assuming you take Claire for granted because they don't know your story....that's why I never tell anyone that Ally is my first because I can't stand the thought of someone thinking that I "had it easy" or that I'm ungrateful

girls, I promise you that if I can get pregnant, ALL OF YOU will!
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  #12  
March 14th, 2011, 02:13 PM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
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Location: Japan
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Aww..sweetie..it never goes away does it? I know its hard..i remember soo many people saying you have a nice car and a house and this and that..you should be thankful you have that..but not being able to have a child is an indescribable, horrible..just totally awful feeling..that noone who hasnt gone through it knows..It is tough!! I know..i couldnt get on FB or go to Wal Mart without missing a pregnant woman! AHH! i would just get in my car and cry and cry! I know right now it hurts soo bad..but sweetie..just hang in there! I dont know your beliefs but i believe God has a plan for everyone..and as much as it sucks to wait for it.there is reasons we do..and you would think that b/c i had success after soo long i would have forgotten the feelings..but believe it or not..i still hurt for what i had to go through...im praying for each of you EVERY SINGLE DAY!! i know you are aching sweetie..and i wish there was something i could do for you! Just hang in there hun..miracles do happen every single day! BIG HUGS!
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  #13  
March 14th, 2011, 03:25 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Depends on the person for me. Some give me hope and I live vicariously through them with no bitterness at all, and others I'm enraged. I loved fellow JMer "LadyCoconut" pregnancy and motherhood and watching her daughter grow. I have pics of her DD all over my fridge and cried when she was born (like really really hard cried, all happy and ecstatic). Others are awful and I can't even think nice thoughts but I usually didn't like that person to begin with, so its icing on the cake at that point.
Most people's pregnancies excite me because I know everyone has something, some struggle. This is just mine, while others have domestic violence, cancer or bankruptcy. This is my test on this earth for now I guess and I figure if it wasn't this it would be something else.

I should add though that my job really enforces that thought. I am a PTSD therapist and hear soldiers discuss awful stories all day. They watch their friends burn to death or die onthe field, thousands of miles from home and comfort, haven't slept in days and go do it again the next day. I get to face this at home with my husband by my side, and my comforts all around me.

I also don't have anyone shooting at me while I go through infertility treatments, or blowing up bombs in my backyard while I pee on PeeSticks. And I get to keep my legs, and don't risk TBI. I figure that I've got it bad, but I've also got it pretty good when putting it relatively. I really try to find how my situation is bearable while also fully acknowledging the pain and not minimizing it.
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Last edited by Lash; March 14th, 2011 at 05:24 PM.
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  #14  
March 14th, 2011, 05:12 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 321
I am embarrassed to say this but I delete people on facebook that get pregnant. They are people I don't even talk to on a regular basis or at all and I need to NOT look at that on a daily basis for my own sanity. This place is a different story, we are all going through the same journey.....while yes every time someone gets a BFP I wish it was me (who wouldn't?) it also gives me lots of hope that my turn will come.....
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February 2011 IVF
2.24.2011. Retrieval 16 eggs! 15 were mature and 12 fertilized!
3.1.2011. Transferred 2 blasts!!
3.2.2011. 4 "beautiful" blasts on ice
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5.20.2011. FET BFP!! 82
5.23.2011. 83
5.25.2011. 130
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  #15  
March 14th, 2011, 05:22 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You can always just hide them in the future if you don't want to delete them. You can hide their status updates-- I know plenty of women on this forum that hide preggo friends and family so you aren't alone! I seem to have almost no pregnant friends or family so I start to wonder if I'm bad mojo...
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  #16  
March 14th, 2011, 06:11 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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Big hugs! I have battled with feelings of jealousy and anger and yes-rage- so many times in the past.

As a school psychologist in two elementary schools, I see so many abused, mistreated and neglected children that it makes me sick. And I can't tell you how many times I've screamed "why them? Why do they get a fourth kid when they can't take care of their first". It's soooo maddeningly, infuriatingly unfair! So times the anger and sadness and fear felt completely crushing.

And it's normal. Know that you aren't along. Know that the odds are in your favor (greatly) that something will work and you will have that baby! And I can say this-you will never take s/he for granted.

Melissa-Your whole post made me tear up a bit because I've thought about that too. I've been at the grocery store with Alex and wonder if anyone is looking at me like I've looked at other women with babies in the past. It just makes me want to be more open about my experiences...
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  #17  
March 14th, 2011, 07:02 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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During my time TTC I swear everyone around me got pregnant! It used to drive me crazy and make me so upset. Especially when my 18 yr old sister got pregnant on accident and wasn't even sure who the father was! I seriously did not even want to look at her. 2 of my husbands relatives got married within a few months of us and each had 2 children by the time we got pregnant.

The only thing that kept me sane was just thinking that it could be me next and I would want them to be happy for me.
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  #18  
March 14th, 2011, 07:19 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs Ashley!
I am riding the jealousy train right now. 4 friends have recently become pregnant and i dont think im going to be able to be around them. People in real life dont seem to get it. Like what Jessie said about having all this other stuff in your life and people saying you should be happy with that, but its not always true. The one thing in life you truly want and you cant have, its so hard. Feel better, and know you are not alone!
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  #19  
March 15th, 2011, 05:37 AM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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I hate feeling jealous because of how Mia was conceived. I don't feel like I have the right too. I was on BCP and had only been with DH for 5 months. We obviously was not trying, we had no intention of having children so soon. We had never discussed children.
I never expected our journey to be like this when we decided to conceive for a second time. I didn't think I would be sat here nearly 2 years later with a PCOS diagnosis unable to get pregnant naturally.
Its such a horrible feeling because I feel like I should be happy for them but I just cant do it. Its not their fault I am this way.
DH's sister just found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks ago. She had known the baby's dad EIGHT DAYS! It broke my heart. I cried for days about it. It felt so unfair and I cant even bring my self to talk to her. She sent me a PICTURE of the positive text message. I cried like a baby when I got the text. It felt like salt into a wound. She has what I want and doesn't appear to realize how god ****** lucky she is. I have had to hide her facebook as all she is doing is moaning about how 'sick' she is, that she needs someone to come look after her son because shes that 'ill'.
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  #20  
March 15th, 2011, 06:19 AM
~April04~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I still struggle w/ jealousy - I hate hearing family members are pregnant when I know it was an "oops" (can you tell we just found out Jeff's cousin is pregnant?). It hurts because I know that we'll never get that "oops" - we have to do IVF and that sucks.

I also wonder what people think when they see me with my daughter - I'd sometimes like to wear a sign that says "she's my IVF miracle" - not for sympathy or anything but to stop assumptions (since I look like I'm like 18 haha).
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