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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
March 26th, 2011, 08:39 PM
LindseyMarie's Avatar Professionally Awesome
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We ran into a few bricks with doing our IVF at Walter Reed... like.... we are ONE point away from my FSH being too high, they have a strict One Embryo transfer policy if it's your first IVF and you are under 35, add in the stress of traveling cross country, being away from Caiden 3 weeks, and all of that, and we are done. Doing IVF local isn't much of a choice, and really..... I feel awful, really sickening stressed, over putting our family in a financial bind over a chance.

We have been talking about it the past 2 weeks about not doing the IVF, and after going over the packet we got from them yesterday it solidified out choice. Lots and lots of tears, we haven't told many people IRL yet because I will lose it. I know I am not emotionally stable enough yet to admit defeat. Once we feel we are coming to terms with it, we will let our families and friends know....

I had been saving up all kinds of gift cards etc for the trip, and I tore open the envelope and we used one to go out to a giant olive garden feast tonight (including wine.Guilt free). Eric told me it wouldn't hit him for a while the significance of it. Just how it's hard.

Part of me wants to call my RE and beg, plead, that there is something else we can do... but I know we've tried all there is for us, and IVF was all that was left. I feel sick knowing that.

So much time (Appointments every other day during inject cycles for BW/US), energy, blood (two surgeries, and HSG, countless BW and shots), sleep lost, tears cried, and plans rescheduled (We drove 12 hours to stay some where for a day, to drive 12 hours back because of an appointment)..... and nothing to show. I feel like so much of my life was poured into this with nothing to show. I feel like I've lost "me".

We are possibly going to do donor embryos or eggs at some point, or pursue adoption. Either way we will continue to pray for a miracle, the kind we've all seen here in TTCMA before.

I hope you all get your miracles... and I hope it's ok if I still pop in and see how you all are doing. It's hard to imagine leaving TTCMA.... Sorry this turned into a giant vent, too...
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After years of trying, 2 years of fertility meds, multiple surgeries, blood draws and needle sticks, some awful pre-IVF complications, and endometriosis and PCOS,
We are done TTC. Praying for peace as we accept this...
Hoping for some comfort after our most recent (and 3rd) surgery and starting Lupron!






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  #2  
March 26th, 2011, 09:16 PM
*Melissa*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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oh sweetie... I don't even know what to say. My heart breaks reading this. Please don't disappear on us. I will pray for peace for you and your family... I am also praying for a miracle!!
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  #3  
March 26th, 2011, 09:35 PM
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I'm so sorry hon. I will pray that you guys get a miracle and/or you get the peace you deserve. Please don't disappear on us but I understand if you have to leave for awhile. Thoughts and prayers with you and your family during this time.
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  #4  
March 27th, 2011, 12:09 AM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so sorry Lindsey. Praying for you and your family
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  #5  
March 27th, 2011, 02:49 AM
Mommy2Maddox's Avatar Proud Army Wife & Mommy!
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I am sooo sorry Lindsey I can't imagine the heartbreak and sorrow you are going through right now. I will pray God sends you a wonderful miracle.
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  #6  
March 27th, 2011, 05:10 AM
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Hunnie, I'm so sorry to be reading this

I know how badly it hurts, to want something so bad and then not be able to have it. You feel defeated and your hear aches in a way that just cannot be described

But I just want you to know that I was told that I could not conceive without IVF and I am PROOF that DRs can be wrong! Not only that, but my one shot at IVF didn't work and I *STILL* regret the fact that I wasted that amount of money.

I just want to give you hope that you still have a very VERY good chance at conceiving without IVF! I have been TTC for almost 5 years and have hit road block after road block along the way, but you WILL get your miracle...you WILL you WILL YOU WILL !!!!! Lots of love and prayers headed your way!
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  #7  
March 27th, 2011, 08:00 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I'm so sorry, Lindsey. We didn't go as far as you in treatment but if we get a BFN next week, we're also calling a quits. We too can't afford the next step.
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Last edited by esparando para bebé; March 27th, 2011 at 08:06 AM.
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  #8  
March 27th, 2011, 08:33 AM
Hoping To Be A Mommy
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I am so so sorry.. I will be praying for you and your DH and your miracle. I know how you feel. I have yet to even allow myself to *THINK* of IVF because of the cost and how it's simply just a chance. I really hope you don't disappear for good!
I really hope it happens naturally ASAP!
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  #9  
March 27th, 2011, 10:46 AM
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Big hugs to you ....................... I couldnt wait to hear how your ivf journey went and am sad to read this update Lindsey I can relate to the idea of doing SOOOOO much & then having nothing to show for it The past 3 yrs of my life I felt like I was not the real me. It was a very trying & difficult time when I finally made the decision to just give up, although I know maybe some day, some how, a miracle may happen. I wish you peace & please know you'll always be a special JM friend to me
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  #10  
March 27th, 2011, 12:24 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im so sorry!

I have to ditto what Brandi said.

I was told after our SECOND ivf that I would NEVER have my own kids...that I had a less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally and less than 30% chance if we attempted a 3rd ivf. I was told DONOR EGGS were the only way I could carry a pregnancy. I was DONE after that..couldnt take it anymore and we had spent well over 15k attempting the 2 ivfs..i was sick over it. We had already lost one pregnancy and had been trying for over 4 years by this time.

SIX months later..I was pregnant with Bryar...on a cycle that I had purposely avoided when i THOUGHT I had ovulated...I wouldnt let dh touch me for almost a week because I didnt want that thought of "oh maybe this month i got pregnant" imagine my shock when a couple weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test laying on my work desk...

IVF doesnt work for everyone..it sure as hell hasnt worked for me...we even tried ivf #3 six months before we conceived Scarlett..and it still didnt work.

so while I understand that you feel defeated (i also felt the same way) just know that there are so many of us on this board who have beat the odds and I would bet my last dollar that you'll be one of those women.
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  #11  
March 27th, 2011, 12:36 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
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*hugs* I am also hoping you get your miracle.
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  #12  
March 27th, 2011, 01:17 PM
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Hugs and prayers for you and your family, Lindsey. I wish I knew what to say to bring you peace and comfort...please know that I'll be thinking of you as you heal and find "you" again.
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  #13  
March 27th, 2011, 08:26 PM
LindseyMarie's Avatar Professionally Awesome
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Thanks everyone for the support... This really is the hardest thing we have ever had to decide on. Agreeing to start MA was easy.... getting out was hard. Very hard.

We told our families, and our Chaplain today. We really feel like we may peruse adoption. We are going to start looking into it when we feel more emotionally calmed down... I wonder if there is PTSD from infertility. Eesh. I have never felt like such a train wreck!

Anyways.... Thanks for the support. I am still feeling like we made the right choice. It's just hard to play with "What If"'s.

And Brandi and Camm, you two were the ones I think of when I think of TTCMA Miracles....

Like I said, I'm still stalking you all, and praying you get your miracles too! I don't know how I would have made it through these past 2 years without you guys.
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After years of trying, 2 years of fertility meds, multiple surgeries, blood draws and needle sticks, some awful pre-IVF complications, and endometriosis and PCOS,
We are done TTC. Praying for peace as we accept this...
Hoping for some comfort after our most recent (and 3rd) surgery and starting Lupron!






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  #14  
March 27th, 2011, 09:23 PM
~April04~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((hugs)) I'm sorry



I just wanted to say that Walter Reed will strongly encourage you to transfer only 1 embryo for a 5 day transfer - but they'll talk to you and if you're adamant - they'll let you transfer 2. When we cycled there we got the "talk" before transfer but we were very firm in wanting to transfer 2 blasts and they let us.
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  #15  
March 27th, 2011, 09:49 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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praying for peace and a miracle
in the end, IVF didn't turn out to be our answer, either
((hugs))
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  #16  
March 28th, 2011, 07:06 AM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hugs! Also hoping you get your miracle!
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  #17  
March 28th, 2011, 08:44 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh Lindsey! I swear I understand completely, I am going through the same thing right now. We had always said we would do IVF if it came to it, and we planned on doing it this summer...but I just dont know. I dont want to do it at all, I want to have my life back and not be thinking about all of this all the time. We are SLOWLY trying to picture our life childless Its hard to accept, but im learning to focus on other things.

Im thinking of you and hoping you can make peace with your decision. We, too, will look into adoption if we havent gotten a miracle in a year or two.

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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #18  
March 28th, 2011, 10:22 AM
aogilvie's Avatar Super Mommy
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Hey Lindsay,

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear your news. It always makes me feel a bit like that's where I'll end up headed as well. So when one of our main ladies decide to get off the bus, it makes the possiblity even more real. I hope, hope, hope that you will get your miracle in the future. I wish it for all of us, truly.

And yes, I totally feel like PTSD is a common occurence in our club. With everyone's traumas, unknowns, medical procedures in the place of intimacy, losses, etc, it is definitely out there. I know that with my loss after our last IVF, I'm officially there.

Good luck and lots of love, Ana.
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TTC #1 with Endometriosis & Antiphospholipid Syndrome since December 2008
Dec 2008 - April 2010 #17 Natural cycles
May 2010 - IUI + clomid 50mg BFN
June 2010 - IUI + clomid 50mg BFN
July 2010 - IUI + clomid 100mg BFN
Sept/OC 2010 - IVF #1 (1 embryo transfered; none to freeze) BFP!!!
Oct 25 2010 - First ultrasound at 6.5 weeks TWO HEARTBEATS!!! The embryo split; we're having identical twins!!!
Nov 30 2010 - Ultrasound at 11 weeks; no heartbeats & no growth past 9 weeks
Dec 2 - D&C#1
Dec 7 2010 - D&C#2
Dec 22 2010 through current - Weekly acupuncture treatment
May/June 2011 - IVF#2 with acupuncture (1 embryo transferred; 4 embies on ice!!!) BFP!!!
June 29 2011 - First ultrasound at 7.0 weeks. Everything looks great so far!

July 18, 2011 - Second ultrasound at 9.5 weeks. Baby is doing great!

Feb 10 2012 - Molly Eileen arrived at 7lbs 11oz and 19inches!!!
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  #19  
March 28th, 2011, 01:00 PM
LindseyandJoeinAL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lindsey, I am so very sorry it has come to this and I pray you will find peace in your decision. I also pray for a miracle because God does give those in His time.

I know you probably hear this all the time, but your little boy is absolutely precious!! You just give him big hugs when you feel a little blue. Those eyes could make any sadness go away.

(((HUGS)))
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Joe - 46
TTC baby #2

lap surgery Apr 2010 stage 2 endo removed
IVF #1 BFN 11/2010
IVF #2 BFP! 12/2010
Wonderful, sweet daughter Khloe born August 2011
FET #1 - Oct 2012 BFN
FET #2 - Dec 2012 BFN
2nd lap surgery Dec 2012 stage 1 endo removed
IUI Apr 2013 cancelled due to producing 10 mature follicles
IUI June 2013 BFN
IVF #3 Sept 2013 BFN
IVF #4 Nov 2013 BFP! on 8dp3dt
Expecting boy/girl twins 8/1/14

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  #20  
March 28th, 2011, 02:15 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Savannah GA
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Hi Lindsey - Last summer after going through clomid and IUI's, running out of money and the RE's telling me my only chance was IVF with donor eggs and even that wasn't guaranteed I did a little research. I took DHEA everyday and even did Brandi's lemon water. We were on our last month of trying when I got pregnant.

I hope the same happens for you, that you end up with your natural miracle baby when you least expect it. ((Hugs)) I understand everything you are going through and I am so sorry.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
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After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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