[kayakr]

Okay Ladies - I promised my DH that we could take this next cycle off from using meds.
I am 12DPO and got my BFN and I can feel Af coming around.

Well -now that last cycle didn't work and I got my bfn I want to break my promise. How can I we take a month off? I feel like the only hope I get is when I am taking some meds to help with this terrible issue. I think he just wants to take a month off so we can figure out what we are doing without me being all crazy on meds. The extra homones do make me a little crazy, weepy and irrational. What can I say? You guys said I could blame it on the meds and I totally have!

I need help keeping my promise to him. I feel like we only decided that cause I was crazy and he couldn't deal with it, but I am not crazy today so we should move forward to our plan of action for this new cycle. I suppose it's not fair to him, but what about me? I've been waiting on him to be ready for 10 years to ttc. Now that we are we have all these issues. Haven't we waited long enough???? One more cycle of waiting just isn't helping my reserve of eggs.

[*JenJen*]

I think you need to keep your promise to take the month off, and then when he can see you aren't crazy on the meds, sit down and have a long talk with him about it all> it's not fair to you to have to wait, but it's also not fair to him for you to break your promise. maybe a month off is all he needs to get back into the game and be on board.

*hugs* good luck hon

[jmichelle77]

Is there some sort of compromise you could make? Like maybe not actual PRESCRIBED meds but something in the holistic/natural/herbal realm? Like Fertilitea, Vitex, Soy, Maca, etc etc etc????? Then you are not on "make you crazy" hormones but you still feel like you are "doing something".

[ccartanddesign]

My DH was concerned about me for the same reason. But I knew I could handle it. The first 2 months on the meds really threw me emotionally. Then I realized I could get through it by kind of keeping to myself and not saying much, thus minimizing the emotionality of it. That's what I did thereafter and it helped him see that I could handle it.

[KMH]

I'm with Jen...you really need to keep your promise and take the month off, even though it SUCKS to have to do that. If you try and back out of your promise, he'll think that A) you are still affected by the meds and are still crazy, or B) you don't give a hoot about his feelings. Either way, he is probably not going to want to make a baby with you.

The worst thing that could happen is that you push him, get pregnant, and then he resents you and the baby. It could really mess up things for you in the long-run, and that's not good for anyone. I know you were probably hoping I'd say something different, but trust me.

I had a few chances to push DH, and I'm so glad that I didn't. When he was finally ready to TTCMA 1000%, it was priceless to have his unconditional support. You want him to feel nothing but love towards your future children, not lingering anger about how you put yourself and the baby before him.

Good luck, Gretchen...this stuff is not easy.

[Sarah S.]

I agree that you should keep your promise. We took a month off in August and we are on a forced break (thanks to cysts)now. And I always have the same feeling you do and usually cry for a day or two until I accept it. And right now I'm enjoying the time off. And enjoying not being a hormonal mess all the time ( I think DH is enjoying this part too!)

[Jessie0505]

Sometimes time off is all you need! I think you should give it a whirl..im sorry you have to make these decisions..i never wanted time off b/c i would always feel like if i take this cycle off..it could have been the one! HUGS! good luck!

[kayakr]

You ladies, yet again, have made me come to my senses. Last thing I want to do is push him away or give him a reason not to trust me. He is more important to me then all of this so I really need to make sure I am taking care of him too. Sometimes during this process I am sure he feels like a baby is the only thing that will make me happy and he isn't enough.

I will cry today and tomorrow and maybe the next day while I deal with "taking the month off with meds" and we will just try the "normal" way. Whatever that is? Jen - you are right. We'll use this month of normal hormones to talk and get ready for what is next. When I am all wacked out on meds I can't make a rational decisions just emotional ones.

He is still dealing with his own male infertility issues and I need to be sensitive to that. I am USUALLY sensitve to that as long as I am not Oing and my focus is on one thing only! Good thing that is only a few days a month. YIKS!

So if you see me on here trying to buy injectables in the next few weeks - STOP ME. haha!

[kayakr]

I've been thinking. My RE wanted to do Lapo on me. Maybe this would be a good month to do that???? He just wants to check to see what may be going on and check my tubes at the same time. I still haven't had a dang HSG yet either. Maybe If I do one of those procedures then I am atleast doing something....
Or would doing those things still defeat the purpose? I woudn't be on hormones and crazy atleast.

Or - I want to get a second opinion anyways. Maybe this is the month to do it. I just need to make sure that is in the realm of my DH idea of "taking the month off". I imagine he wants to forget it ALL for a month.

[KMH]

Hmmm, I would ask him! You never know...just keep it casual and maybe he'll consider it. If he shows even the slightest hesitation, though, I'd be quick to reassure him that you won't do it if he wants 100% time off.

Oh, and cook him a good dinner beforehand to butter him up

[*JenJen*]

I'd ask him, for sure. And I'd DEFINITELY get an HSG done. My RE will do an HSG same cycle as meds, it just has to be done very early in the cycle. I've had 2 laps and 2 HSG's, and both have been veyr informative. I'll probably have a 3rd HSG before the year is out.

[kayakr]

Well that didn't go very well. I asked via email while we were both at work. I should know better! UGH! Dinner would have been much better idea.

Jen - I am not sure why my RE wants to do lapo on me. I have no signs of endo and I am not sure what doing a surgery will benefit us. DH has morphology issues and I feel like that is the problem, but RE wants to do Lapo IF I want to use my eggs with IVF. If we want to use donor eggs he doesn't want to do lapo cause he says it doesnt' matter. My FSH was 6.2 . Ugh - here I go again. Stressing out on what to do next. I am CD2 and feel like I need a plan.

[KMH]

Gretchen, I had a lap without any real reason for it. All of our testing had come back fine, so my RE thought it might be a way to find what was eluding us...a real diagnosis. Our insurance covered it, so my RE left it completely up to me. We were about to do our first medicated IUI cycles, and I figured I would rather do it and know for sure that there was nothing lurking in there. I'm really glad that I had it done, and definitely would have wanted to do it before IVF. I couldn't stomach the thought of doing medicated cycles only to figure out that there was something hiding that would prevent everything from working.

Good luck, hun. These decisions are crappy to have to make.

[*JenJen*]

I'd go for the HSG first, which will at least give you a better glimpse of what is going on inside.

[kayakr]

Melissa - that is what my RE said. Said it was completely up to me, but since insurance paid for it, it may be worth a try. He did the sono thing on me and everything looked good, but not the HSG. He said with the Lapo he can see everything so we could skip the HSG if I wanted. I think cuase of my age too he is thinking one proceedure for both so we can move right along.

At first I was like - "NO WAY, NO surgery for me when you I don't' have signs of anything. But now I am reconsidering. They put me to sleep right?

[KMH]

Yes, they put you completely to sleep, but it is a pretty easy surgery as far as surgeries go. Here is a thread where I talked about mine:

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f7...aproscopy.html (?? laproscopy)

[*JenJen*]

Yeah, laps are pretty easy. I was feeling very normal within a couple days of both of mine.

[kayakr]

You guys are so helpful. I get more answers from you guys then I can get from my own RE. I called them at 08:00 am and still haven't heard back from them with my question about when he would want to do Lapo on me. (If I do it - I am non commital so far lol )

Thank you for the link as well. I just read it and it was helpful.

[KMH]

Are you asking about when in your cycle they will do the lap? My RE would only do it CD10 and before so there was NO chance of pregnancy. Other REs put you on BCP beforehand to make sure that the lap won't interfere with a possible pregnancy. Maybe that helps?

[*JenJen*]

Gretchen, I don't know about your RE's office, but I do know with mine that very rarely do callbacks happen in the morning. Anytime my RE calls, its always in the afternoon/early evening, because its when he finally sits down. At our office, early morning is for monitoring, IUI's, and IVF. Mid morning is for consults with patients(i.e. IVF consults, surgical consults) and procedures(HSG's, SA's, Saline Sono's), and after lunch is new patient consults and callbacks.