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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
November 28th, 2011, 12:06 PM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 14,102
Unfortunately, after over a month of going back and forth, I am stepping down as co-host to the TTCMA board.

With even more of a heavy heart, my DH and I have decided to stop TTC completely. Its been a long, rough, trying 3 years full of miscarriages, medications, procedures, and surgeries. I just cant do it anymore, the past 3 years are a blur of cycle days and forced dtd and we no longer want that for ourselves. Having a baby is still something I want more than anything in this entire world, but I wont let it determine how much of a "woman" I am anymore. I have always felt broken, useless, and not good enough through this whole thing and I dont want to feel that way anymore. And ever since starting to face this decision I have been a lot more happy in that regard. Our relationship always stayed pretty strong through it all, but even since thinking about stopping things are so great between us. No stress, just enjoy eachother and have sex when we WANT to (which has been a ton more often, and a ton better!)

Anyway, I went back and forth so much but it just feels right for us. We think that we are going to possibly talk about it and regroup if nothing has happened by the time were 28/29 which is a couple years away.

Im incredibly sad to step down, but after thinking about it so much and learning to deal with our life without children right now, I am actually happy about this decision. Thank god we have an amazing relationship and can be happy with just us two, for now at least.

I will try and check in on you girls as often as possible! And good luck to you all!
__________________
Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #2  
November 28th, 2011, 12:13 PM
KMH KMH is offline
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,121
Ashley, I admire and respect you SO much for not letting your TTC struggle get you down. You have faced your journey with grace, and I am so glad that you have found peace and joy with your decision. Please do check in with us now and then so we can keep up with you. I hope your photography business keeps going well and that life is done handing you lemons...you deserve to be happy
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Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (3), Abigail (1) and George (1)

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  #3  
November 28th, 2011, 12:13 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: west, but east. south, but not north.
Posts: 7,754
*hugs* I know this decision is not easy for you, but it sounds like it is right for you, at least at this point. I hope that someday you guys are blessed with a baby of your own. I'll miss hosting with you!
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My Blog
2006-2013 6+ years of NTNP, TTC, TTCMA, Losses, Surgeries, and Diagnoses.
RPL and Genetic Tests came back 100% normal | Endo, PCOS, severe MFI
Multiple early losses between 3 and 8 weeks.

Broken in heart, mind, and body. On a break until Summer 2014






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  #4  
November 28th, 2011, 01:06 PM
MandyEllen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,450
I am so happy that your relationship has grown into a wonderful twosome! I've heard of so many couples who don't make it through fertility issues...I am proud of your strength and endurance. You will be greatly MISSED on the board. I thank you for all of your insightful and fun posts. I'm sad that you won't be here as often, but please check in!
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Mandy (34)
6/29/13 - transferred 2 embryos
7/10/13 - 14 dpo beta=300
7/12/13 - 16 dpo beta=825
7/19/13 - 23 dpo beta=18,870
7/26/13 - 30 dpo beta=72,091


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  #5  
November 28th, 2011, 01:32 PM
*Melissa*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,648
Send a message via MSN to *Melissa*
We will miss you so much, but I'm encouraged for you! I hope that this break is exactly what you need to continue restoring your marriage and just enjoying eachother!! I have no doubt that you will be a mother one day! Please do check in!

And I LOVE that you mention not letting IF effect how you feel about yourself as a woman- it is the very thing I struggle with the most. Feeling like because of my IF I am not woman enough...
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  #6  
November 28th, 2011, 01:57 PM
ccartanddesign's Avatar With Faith
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 997
We will miss you so much!
__________________
Me-38 DH-38. TTC #1 since August 2009
2/2011 - IUI + Femara + HCG trigger and Progesterone injection BFN
3/2011 - IUI + Femara + HCG trigger and Progesterone injection
4/2011 - not doing IUI - DH out of town
5/2011 - IUI with Femara and HCG trigger. In hospital due to infection from IUI.
Took a break from all meds this summer.
9/2011: - Start with new RE - testing begins.
10/2011: - Hysteroscopy - determine tubes are blocked.
10/2011 : - Laparoscopy - clip blocked tubes, determine right ovary is adhered to pelvic wall, cut adhesions
11/24/2011: IVF cycle #1 begins. Start stims.
12/2/2011: End stims. HCG trigger.
12/4/2011: Egg Retrieval. 9 eggs, only 1 embryo.
12/7/2011: Transfer.
12/20/2011: IVF #1 failed.
1/16/2012: IVF #2 first scan
"Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." Matt. 19:26
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  #7  
November 28th, 2011, 02:21 PM
jmichelle77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5,184
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I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to know you very well yet. But it sounds like you and your DH have made a good, healthy decision and I am happy for you.
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Thank you so much AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!!



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  #8  
November 28th, 2011, 04:59 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 6,083
You will be so missed around here....but it sounds like this is what you need at this point. I really admire you for taking care of yourself and your relationship. You WILL be a mother someday. I know it. Just remember to come back and tell us!
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Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long!
Secondary Infertility Blog*~*http://onemunchkin.blogspot.com/ *~*

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  #9  
November 28th, 2011, 08:30 PM
Working mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Moreno Valley, CA
Posts: 392
You will be missed on the boards. I am so happy that you found peace with your decision. And so happy that you and DH are happy and having fun again. Enjoy your marriage and time together!

Best of luck to you and come back to visit often--especially when you finally become a mommy!
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Katie (34) DH-Joe (34)









Our FET love to complete our family
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  #10  
November 29th, 2011, 04:25 AM
junglepeachpie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 506
We'll miss you!

Your decision is very encouraging. I totally get the need to move on and be happy in your life. I let 2010 and 2011 be completely taken over my inability to have a baby and it hasn't been healthy. 2012 will be different.

I wish you much happiness!
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Katherine (31) and Hubby (33)
TTC #1 since September 2009. Stopped TTC in January 2012
IUI #1 April 2011 was a success, but lost baby at 9 weeks
IUIs #2-5 BFN
Decided not to do IVF and embrace a childfree life (at least for awhile)
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  #11  
November 29th, 2011, 06:05 AM
Jenn in DC's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 951
Ashley - You will really be missed here! But I am glad that you are doing what is best for you. You are such a strong woman and should never feel broken and useless (but I have often felt that way too through this journey so I completely understand). I wish you the very, very best and I hope that you will pop in with updates on your life from time to time. I'll miss you!
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My IVF Miracle Baby
Aven Robert - Born August 4th 2012





My History
Jenn in DC=37 DH=46
TTC #1 since July 2009

Cycles 1-12 = BFN
Cycle #13 - 15= IUIs with Clomid & Gonal F - All BFNs
Cycle #16 -21 - Natural Cycles, started acupuncture and chinese herbs - BFN
Cycle #22 - IVF Clinical Trial. Cycle Cancelled.
Cycle #23 - Minimal Stimulation IVF #1 - 2 eggs retrieved, fertilized and frozen on Day 3.
Cycle #24 - Mini-IVF #2 - 2 eggs retrieved, fertilized and frozen as expanded blasts on Day 5.
Cycle #25 - Mini-IVF #3 - 4 eggs retrieved (two mature and 2 immature), one egg made it to blast and was frozen. Five snowbabies in all!! Hysteroscopy.
Cycle #26 Single Frozen Embryo Transfer. BFP and then miscarriage
Cycle #27 - Single Frozen Embryo Transfer. BFP!!
Due Date: July 20th
Aven Robert Born on August 4th
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  #12  
November 29th, 2011, 06:29 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,745
Ashley - I am so sorry you have been hurting for so many cycles TTC. You must know that being a mother doesn't make you women. You know this; you just have to remember it!!! There are many many girls that are mothers that will never be the women that you ALREADY are.
You have time on your side. You have many more years that you will be able to work on your family. I know you want it now, but taking the time of TTC will only benefit you. You are not in a race against the clock so you take this time; love your husband and yourself. You will be a momma when it’s time.
I tried from age 22 without medical assistance and didn't get pregnant with my DS until I was 28 years old. It happened when I least expected it. Someday you will have a pregnant story to share as well. Until then - enjoy who you are and what you have (not that you already don’t).
Thank you for all your support and sharing your knowledge with me. You ROCK!
__________________
Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #13  
November 29th, 2011, 06:43 AM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 16,621
Send a message via Yahoo to *SamF*
Ashely- just wanted to offer my too. There is nothing wrong with putting things on hold for a while, and just enjoying being a couple. As Gretchen said, time is on your side.
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  #14  
November 29th, 2011, 02:54 PM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 16,068
Ashley I'm a firm believer that stress does not help with IF. Everyone deserves to take a sanity break (be it a couple of cycles or a few years). You are young so you and Jason should have some time to enjoy being a couple. You've endured a lot in the past 3 years and yet you perservered through it all. You will be greatly missed.
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  #15  
November 29th, 2011, 05:28 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Hattiesburg, Ms
Posts: 7,652
Sorry 2 c u go
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Thanks bonnie for my siggie

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