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I'm thinking about giving up


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
December 3rd, 2011, 07:59 AM
junglepeachpie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 506
2011 has been the worst year of my life. All the fertility stress on top of other general life stress has made me into a person I don't like. I've had chronic insomnia for over a year now to the point where I can't sleep in the same bed as hubby. I'm sick of crying and the meds. I find myself snarky with DH when we've always got along perfectly in the past.

Before I started this journey, I wasn't worried about the outcome and I remember thinking life with just hubby and I would be great. We both have good jobs now so we could travel and live really well. There are aspects of a childfree life that sound really good. I used to be such a happy person and I want to get back to that. I don't know if part of why I want kids so badly is because I'd feel like I've tried so hard for so long and don't want to fail, or if it's really about the babies.

I don't know. I don't want to have regrets or die inside every time I see a baby for the rest of my life, but I need to make a serious change for 2012. After this cycle is over, we're taking a break until at least February. The next step is IVF and I just don't know if I can handle it. And if I can't handle the stress of trying to get pregnant, what kind of crappy mom am I going to be when I have to handle the challenges of parenting? Maybe kids just really won't make me happy.

I know some of you have taken breaks or have at least thought about a future quiting point. Any insight into how to make this decision would be much appreciated.
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Katherine (31) and Hubby (33)
TTC #1 since September 2009. Stopped TTC in January 2012
IUI #1 April 2011 was a success, but lost baby at 9 weeks
IUIs #2-5 BFN
Decided not to do IVF and embrace a childfree life (at least for awhile)
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  #2  
December 3rd, 2011, 08:35 AM
*Melissa*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,781
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I have never reached the point of wanting to give up on my dream of children, but I have been at that point where I could see bitterness creeping into myself and my marriage. And at that point, we would try to recognize it and get away for a weekend. More specifically, "Weekend to Remember" retreats that churches put on. It helped keep us grounded, reminded us that we are in it together...

A break sounds great for you. Maybe it will bring you the clarity you need to discern if this is truly a heart's desire for you, or an area in your life that feels empty and are afraid of failure?

Either way, I will pray for you and DH, that you can reconnect in a way that is so deeply passionate and unified!!!
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  #3  
December 3rd, 2011, 08:41 AM
jmichelle77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Missouri
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I totally know what you are going thru. Throughout our 10 years of TTC #2 we "gave up" LOTS of times. But something inside of me kept nagging and nagging at me to keep going and now I have a beautiful almost 2 year old little girl to show for it. In that 10 years we saw LOTS of different doctors....tried LOTS of different meds and procedures.... And every single failure hurt worse than the one before it. We too talked ourselves into how nice it would be to be "empty nesters" at the young age of 38 (DS was a teenage surprise...lol) and really thought we had ourselves convinced. But a couple of months off (of TTC) would go by and then we couldn't deny the tug in our hearts anymore. And I am sooooooooo glad we didn't!!! Ultimately, it is up to you and your DH.....what is in your hearts. Maybe just a few months off to re-group and see how you feel when not under all the stress and pressure of being wrapped up in a cycle would help? Good luck in whatever you decide. And I pray you can find your happiness again.
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  #4  
December 3rd, 2011, 12:18 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
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Back before having Alexandra, I remember not being able to get through a full week without crying. And I'm not a crier. It was a dark time, at times I felt so sad and angry and hurt that I hurt physically.

I never wanted to "give up" but we did take a ttc break for almost 4 months. It was A WONDERFUL decision. I stopped crying on a weekly basis. I started focusing on my husband, on myself. I was not expecting to get pregnant on my own, so that took any pressure off to even informally try for a baby. I felt evened out, leveled out and much more stable and healthy.

And you know what....we got preggo on our first cycle after that break. I don't know if the break had anything to do with it or not. Maybe it did, but who knows. You just never know when there is something wonderful around the corner. However, taking a break to heal is a wonderful gift to give yourself. You'll know when (or even if) to begin trying again, because you won't be able to get it off your mind. At the beginning of our break, I really didn't think about treatments or babies. By the end of our break, however, I felt that desire to begin again and it was strong. And I was much stronger and more able to go through treatments again too.

Good luck! And try not to over-think too much. You'll figure it out, and a break is a great time to do that type of thinking!
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Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long!
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  #5  
December 3rd, 2011, 03:05 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: west, but east. south, but not north.
Posts: 7,759
We took 3 years off the roller coaster of actively trying, and just did NTNP. The first 6 months were brutal, but after that it was so ncie to just enjoy life as a couple. My baby/pregnancy fever really didn't kick back in until about 3 months before we went back to the MA world this year, and it was so much nicer for me to get my sanity back. I don't think I could have handled this roller coaster if we hadn't taken the break we did.
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My Blog
2006-2013 6+ years of NTNP, TTC, TTCMA, Losses, Surgeries, and Diagnoses.
RPL and Genetic Tests came back 100% normal | Endo, PCOS, severe MFI
Multiple early losses between 3 and 8 weeks.

Broken in heart, mind, and body. On a break until Summer 2014






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  #6  
December 3rd, 2011, 04:28 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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I could have written every word of your post at one point. I was an angry, bitter person, I had withdrawn from a lot of friendships, DH and I weren't getting along very well...I didn't even want to get out of bed some days. I wondered if it would all be worth it...if I did ever have a baby, would it be worthwhile? What if I didn't even like being a Mom? What if I resented the baby?

I think a break is a really wonderful idea...time to regroup and be "normal" for a while. When you are in the middle of this roller coaster, it is hard to remember what you truly want and it is hard to keep any perspective at all. Give your hearts some time to heal, but keep listening to them...they will tell you what to do next.
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IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #7  
December 4th, 2011, 06:58 AM
junglepeachpie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 506
Thank you all for the really thoughtful responses! I don't know what I'd do without you amazing people. You all really confirmed for me that a break is the way to go and gave me hope that I might be able to do this again soon. Thank you thank you thank you.
__________________
Katherine (31) and Hubby (33)
TTC #1 since September 2009. Stopped TTC in January 2012
IUI #1 April 2011 was a success, but lost baby at 9 weeks
IUIs #2-5 BFN
Decided not to do IVF and embrace a childfree life (at least for awhile)
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  #8  
December 4th, 2011, 01:34 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #9  
December 5th, 2011, 08:37 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,754
Because of my age (41), I thought there was no way we could take a break. I mean I already waiting 10 years for DH to be ready. But I will tell you, just taking one cycle off because I promised my DH I would made the world of difference. I was first in a panic about not trying with help, than after all the ladies here helped me see past my own nose I did commit to my promise and take a cycle off. It has made a world of difference in my state of mind and my DH emotions and feelings. We went a cycle being "Normal". It worked too cause we are both feeling stronger then ever for this cycle we are now trying again. Before I felt beat down and defeated and on and on... but just with one cycle off feeling normal we both feel better. I think you are feeling beat down now and starting to wonder if you even want children (which is okay if you don't). Take your time off, feel normal again, reconnect with DH and be happy. If it pulls at your heart stings to try again, then you will be ready to try again. If you decide you guys aren't going to try and be happy childless, than you know you did everything you could and have peace with it.

It's at times like this that the break gives us the most benefit! Don't think taking a break means you are giving up cause it doesn't. It just means you are healing to prepare yourself for whatever you decide is the next step!

Good luck and super big hugs!!!
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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