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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
January 3rd, 2012, 07:23 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Location: right of center
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Do you sometimes get tired of being polite and saying the "right" thing? Well, here's your outlet Tell it like it is! Say those things you have been wanting to say but can't!


I'll start:

To my friend who insists that I'm "so lucky" that I can plan my pregnancy and put a date on the calendar to get pregnant...I am NOT lucky. It is NOT awesome. You go on tropical cruises with your DH, while my DH and I buy fertility treatments. I'm pretty sure you don't want to trade places with me.
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Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #2  
January 3rd, 2012, 08:20 AM
MandyEllen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,454
I usually don't get upset by facebook posts about pregnancy or babies...but this one killed me over the weekend. I have a friend who has a 4 year old, a 2 year old and she had twins in May! She posted how awful 2011 was and that she doesn't see 2012 getting any better. Well, my sister also has 4 kids (no twins though) and I brought up the facebook post. My sister said "Oh, I totally get where she's coming from...you couldn't possibly know what it's like to be on-call by babies 24/7. Her 2011 was probably awful!" UM, EXCUSE ME! She had twins in 2011...I understand it's a struggle and there are probably extremely stressful moments, but don't post that on facebook! And don't say 2011 was awful...Just say "I'm so lucky that I had 2 more healthy baby boys in 2011. It's a year I won't forget!" UGH! I don't know who made me more mad, the girl on fb or my sister! (P.S. I haven't told my sister anything about our TTCMA, so she doesn't realize who exactly she's talking to!)
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Mandy (34)
6/29/13 - transferred 2 embryos
7/10/13 - 14 dpo beta=300
7/12/13 - 16 dpo beta=825
7/19/13 - 23 dpo beta=18,870
7/26/13 - 30 dpo beta=72,091


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  #3  
January 3rd, 2012, 09:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
Quote:
Originally Posted by MandyEllen View Post
I usually don't get upset by facebook posts about pregnancy or babies...but this one killed me over the weekend. I have a friend who has a 4 year old, a 2 year old and she had twins in May! She posted how awful 2011 was and that she doesn't see 2012 getting any better. Well, my sister also has 4 kids (no twins though) and I brought up the facebook post. My sister said "Oh, I totally get where she's coming from...you couldn't possibly know what it's like to be on-call by babies 24/7. Her 2011 was probably awful!" UM, EXCUSE ME! She had twins in 2011...I understand it's a struggle and there are probably extremely stressful moments, but don't post that on facebook! And don't say 2011 was awful...Just say "I'm so lucky that I had 2 more healthy baby boys in 2011. It's a year I won't forget!" UGH! I don't know who made me more mad, the girl on fb or my sister! (P.S. I haven't told my sister anything about our TTCMA, so she doesn't realize who exactly she's talking to!)
Ugh. That bugs me, too . Nothing like taking your blessings for granted. People who haven't been through infertility don't realize there is a big difference between *stress* and *heartbreak*. So she thinks 2011 was an awful year? Would she rather have started it off with a m/c after TTC for 14 months and still not been pregnant again by the end of the year? (that was my year).

To everyone who says, "My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant *giggle*" I would say (snarkily), "Really?!??! He just looks at you? That is fllippin' amazing!! You don't even take your clothes off? That is really something! You should go on Oprah!"

To my friend who asked to borrow my maternity skirt a couple of months after my m/c (which she knew about) I would have said, "You know,that's kind of insensitive and totally just a reminder that you need maternity clothes and I clearly don't. I actually can't believe you asked. Go buy your own. I realize it may be selfish and unreasonable of me, but I'm just not ready to see someone else wearing my old maternity clothes."

To my friend who asked, in church, "So who is the infertile one? You or your DH? It's you, right?" I would have said, "Wow. Is that really any of your business? What's your husband's sperm count? Do you have healthy cervical mucus? How long is your menstrual cycle?"

To everyone who acts like I'm not a "real" mom b/c I only have one child, I would say, "I would give anything to have more children. I would die to have the priviledge of breaking up fights instead of having to explain to my son why he doesn't have any brothers or sisters. We don't all get what we want."

Wow. That was cathartic. I may have more later.
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  #4  
January 3rd, 2012, 09:21 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,777
To the people that think I have a 13 DS and couldn't possibly being going through heartbreak now because we can't concieve. I would say - really? What makes my heartbreak any less or anymore than the next women who is TTC. Why should I be less hurt of my dream of having a big family since I was a little girl not happening? Why should seeing a BFN month after month, year after year not make my heart hurt? How do you know - maybe it hurts more, because I actually know how amazing it is to be a mother and how I never knew what I wanted to be in my life except the day my DS was born. Then I knew my job was being a mother and nothing else mattered. Well that is still my job and just cause I have one DS doesn't mean this crap doesn't hurt me the same as someone with none.


Secondly, to my best friend, who has had 3 healthy babies after ttc for one month. Yup...all three of them. Off the pill and pregnant! Just like that. So to her that tells me that DS is almost grown and not to do it again because it's a huge burden from what she thinks I'd rather be doing. I don't feel that is a burden at all, in fact, I am sad that she looks at her kids like a burden. Being a mother is my most favorite job EVER and thanks for being so insensitive to what I am going through. After I told her I just had an IUI she asked me if the Dr. was hot? Really? Not he wasn't hot at all, infact he got about 2500.00 from me in just two weeks...is that hot? um no - it sucks. And NO I am not drinking on our girls snowboarding trip incase I am pregnant. Quit trying to make me and I have fun without drinking and SHUT UP cause you are making me not even want to go.
I don't care that you drank the first 2 months of your 3 easy ttc pragnancies.

Whew - well that felt good. I feel better! Yippee!
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #5  
January 3rd, 2012, 09:29 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayakr View Post
To the people that think I have a 13 DS and couldn't possibly being going through heartbreak now because we can't concieve. I would say - really? What makes my heartbreak any less or anymore than the next women who is TTC. Why should I be less hurt of my dream of having a big family since I was a little girl not happening? Why should seeing a BFN month after month, year after year not make my heart hurt? How do you know - maybe it hurts more, because I actually know how amazing it is to be a mother and how I never knew what I wanted to be in my life except the day my DS was born. Then I knew my job was being a mother and nothing else mattered. Well that is still my job and just cause I have one DS doesn't mean this crap doesn't hurt me the same as someone with none.
Totally this. "At least you have one child" (if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that, I could fund our entire adoption) from someone with several kids, I should respond, "Okay, well then, I'll just take your youngest three children, since clearly you think one is enough, you'll still have one left. I have never heard anyone respond to someone who is expecting their 2nd (or more) child and say, 'What, the first one wasn't enough for you? Couldn't you just be grateful to have one child?' No, the response is always joyful congratulations, as it should be. But yet, I'm supposed to suck it up and get over it. Right."
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  #6  
January 3rd, 2012, 11:07 AM
mistletoe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,248
To the very well-intentioned and kindly man who asked if I had any kids at a holiday party: I'm sorry, but I wanted to throw something very heavy and preferably sharp at your head. Really, I'm sorry about that. (I did refrain from violence after a sharp pause.)

And...OH MY GOD, ladies, but wow have you had to put up with some sh$#t said at you lately. I am so, so, so sorry. What is with people?
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  #7  
January 3rd, 2012, 11:49 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,203
I love that we're getting these things off of our chests, Ladies!

To a friend of mine who has talked to me about divorcing her husband and now happily announces on FB that they are pregnant with #2 - Yes, you made a mistake. You and your DH need to see a counselor and work on things asap...your kids deserve the two of you putting in a little effort.

To every Wal-Mart cashier who has commented on my HPTs - It is none of your business! I don't want to hear about how your kids ruined your life, how hard childbirth was, etc. Just scan my stuff and let me go. Please.

To my sister - I love you , but please quit asking when I will know if I'm pregnant or not. I don't get the luxury of a surprise announcement, which really stinks. There's already enough stress involved with fertility treatments...we'll tell you when we are ready.
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IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #8  
January 3rd, 2012, 02:25 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
To everyone (and it feels like everyone) who seems to think they have a right to ask me if 1) we want more kids, 2) are we trying to have more kids, cause you know you don't want Savannah to not have a sibling once you're dead (yes people do actually say this to me!) and then proceeds to advise me that IF we do want a 2nd, we'd better get moving because you know you're not getting any younger I would just like to say that those are quite possible some of the least sensitive & obnoxiously personal questions you could ask a woman...and it's rude to comment on a woman's age especially when my RE keeps thinking i'm 32 because I look so young

P.S. to the incredibly inconsiderate couple at the RE's office last week who brought their twin 2 year olds to run around the lobby for 15 minutes while they checked out (i wasn't there when they arrived, but i'm sure they spent time on the front end of their appt doing the same)...while it doesn't bother me since I have a 2 year old the RE office specifically requests on their website, their paperwork & they remind you on appt confirmations to not bring children to the office with you because it might be the last straw for some already heartbroken couple desperately trying to have a baby who can't. And you'd think you'd know that already if you're a patient at an RE clinic to begin with. It's called a babysitter...or a relative...find one & use them on your appt days!
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Savannah Stylin!





Remembered Forever with Love
10/13/2008 (@9w2d) 10/18/2011 (@8w5d) 2/12/2012 (@4w3d) 8/13/2012 (@10w3d)
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  #9  
January 3rd, 2012, 02:32 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 243
This is THE BEST thing EVER!!!!!

To DH's cousin, who has a little girl just turned one back in August. BUT, in Feb. (so baby was 6 months) was talking about her DH wanted to have another baby right away. She said no because she had a couple weddings to be in and didn't want to be pregnant. She went on to say that right after her sisters wedding they can get pregnant (and they probably will, LOL!) To her I say, #1 at least you can get pregnant easily. I would love to pregnant for any occasion and/or holiday; and #2 - Show Off; just as simply as that, to try after all the weddings are done.

To my BBF, who has a daughter, two years old, to which I love them more than anything...when I talk to you on the phone don't talk about how **** cute your kid is, at times in the middle of asking me about my appointments. Even though she is, I don't need to hear it.....

To my mother, who I think more than anything tries to stay away from this topic because I snap at her the most, even though she is trying.....When I update you that I can't move forward with my FET, don't say "Oh jesus, when are you going to catch a break." Really???? Thanks for that, because I haven't said that to myself over and over....

And, I agree about everyone asking about your appointments. My mother and BFF do that and I actually think I might ask them to stop, because like you said KMH, we don't get to do a fun announcement when everyone is asking. At least this way, if they back off - if there is news I can get to share it like a "normal" pregnant woman!!!!!

Oh, and DH's mother - I made a joke about DH's brother having kids before us, who mind you is not even close to being engaged, and she shook her head yes with a look like "yeah, you probably right about that one." REALLY?????

I mean, I know I made the joke but you don't have to respond like that, LOL!
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