[junglepeachpie]

Hi ladies! I've only been gone about a month but there are so many new people. Nice to see you!

This break has been AMAZING. I was so afraid I forgot how to be happy and how to sleep through a night. I still have rough moments, but stepping back from treatment has been the best plan in a long time.

I had a bit of a rough time today when I remembered that today was supposed to be my due date for the baby I lost. But it was good I hadn't been thinking about it all the time and counting down to it.

I feel like DH and I are at another crossroads. We're going in for an IVF consultation Wednesday and then going on our vacation in 2 weeks. The doctor thinks we'll start IVF after we get back but I'm not sure. After having such a great childfree and treatment-free month, part of me wants to draw the line right here. Say that I gave it a good 2 years and just move on. I don't know if many of you can relate, but there are a lot of things I really enjoy about not having kids. I love spending my time obsessing about my upcoming vacation and going out for a drink with DH instead of obsessing about medical expenses and feeling bad about myself all the time. It's so hard to decide when enough is enough. I really don't want to spend all my savings on more treatment and risk never getting pregnant or more loss. It's confusing when I thought I wanted a child more than anything. I generally feel like a good decision-maker, but my skills aren't good enough to figure this one out.

[Lash]

I wish my feedback would give you clarity, but it probably won't. We took a break when we were in TTC and now we are on a long, possibly life long "break" from anything to do with children or adopting. And some of my happiest times in this process were on the breaks.

We've been married now starting our 8th year and it's almost hard to imagine adding a child to the mix after this long together and just being US. We are the same- we are planning some trips and have nothing to hold us back other than finances. We go out to dinner at 10pm, sometimes later, because we can. I used to want something desperately, and now I don't know if I ever want it at all.

I know that Ashley and I have both been on this merry go round for a few months. Being done, then not being done, then being completely over having kids and just staying childfree, then trying to figure out how to scrape together money to do IVF again or finally adopt.

What I hope that I add to this thread is more so that

A. You are feeling normal emotions and an expected set of thoughts at this point on your journey
B. You aren't alone in feeling it RIGHT NOW.
C. I have no idea what to do either.

[junglepeachpie]

Thank you for responding! It helps to know that other people are thinking about these choices, too. I feel schizophrenic and wish I knew what I wanted out of life so I could aim for it. One big draw to the childfree approach is that I could start living it today. I love the life I have with DH!

[Lash]

We are close in age to ya'll too, both at 29 and staring down 30 at the end of this year. We really wonder about having kids later, and starting our roles as parents at age 33 or so, and how we truly feel about that. I don't know that I want to have kids all that much past the age of 35, so it feels like I have to decide, and it doesn't seem like a real decision if I just decide not to decide and just stay as it is. That's not really a choice, that's more just settling.

[EmptyWomb]

I seriously know the feeling! We have been TTC with medical assistance for almost 4 years now and did natural planning for almost 2 years. We did an IVF cycle that did not work and have done 4 IUI's in which I got pregnant twice but MC both times at around 7 and 9 weeks.

January 2011 we decided to take a break for at least 6 months. In July we started treatments again and something was just not right. We immediately started second guessing our options. The break was so nice of fun passionate sex... no meds.. no tests... We started going out more...I could actually drink a glass of wine During Thanksgiving we sat down and calculated how much we had spent on fertility in the last 4 years... the amount.... $45,000... that is more than enough for a nice car.. or two LOL.... I cannot believe we blew that much on treatments that did not work.

So we starting thinking about realistic options and ADOPTION came up. It was something we had talked about 3 years ago but I was TOO afraid to try it. So we interviewed 10 agencies in our area and found our fit. Submitted the application, got approved, and have our first meeting to set dates for home-study training and such next week. HONESTLY, this option will get us a child for sure. No more second guessing our options or if I am ovulating etc. There will still be the wait but in the mean time we can continue our lives and if we do get pregnant naturally then so be it.

The entire adoption will cost roughly $5000 but the military reimburses $2000 or up to $5000 if a sibling group like twins are adopted. With our open option of sex, race, and location we have been told the wait should be no more than 12 months. Which with our TTC track record that is fast! LOL Also, we have chosen to do foster adoption and not go the route of a birth mother just yet. That route was looking at around $30,000 and we thought heck no. If we are going to fork that out we will just do another IVF. Foster adoption does not always yield an infant adoption but will be looking at an age range or infant to 2 years of age. Also we have added the option of sibling groups with both no more than 2 years of age. There was a group to come through last week that was 2 months and 13 months.. perfect age range for us we are hoping we can push our training through to get the brother and sister Our caseworker and lawyer are working hand in hand to help push the process through faster

I do not know if I helped any but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Heading into 30 with 6 years of TTC behind us already.. we decided enough was enough for us. I do not want to end up paying $100,000 just to try to have a baby and then still have the years of expense ahead of us. We want to still be young and have fun. Travel is a huge thing for us and with all the treatments we have been doing it has not always been the right time or financially something we could do both of at one time.

[junglepeachpie]

Wow, congrats on the adoption step! You sound so at peace and happy and excited about your decision. GOOD LUCK! A sibling group would be wonderful.

I have some really good news - we decided to stop TTC! I feel so relieved!!!!! All the heartache we went through the past two years has damaged us and we want to see what it's like to live our lives as a couple without all this fertility stuff. We were ready to have a baby but now we aren't. It's really hard to switch gears like that, but we're feeling really good about it. There are so many things I want to do with my life and I can start doing them! One of the first big steps is to get a realtor and start looking for our awesome urban condo. I can't wait to watch our savings expand without medical bills! The plan for now is to take at least 2 or 3 years off. Then we can start checking in every New Year to see if we're still happy with our decision. We're still young enough that we can change our minds. Life always changes. I wouldn't be surprised if we turn 40 and decide we want to be foster parents and adopt a 10-yr old. Or not! I honestly feel like I can be happy for other people who have a baby. It's been a long time since I could say that. I feel the negativity melting off.

I adore you ladies! You've been with me through quite the jouney. I'm not sure if I'll be around often but I want to know how your baby adventures turn out so I'll check in from time to time. HUGS!

[*JenJen*]

I'm glad you have come to a decision you are happy with! Please stop in and let us know how you are doing!

[mistletoe]

Thanks for posting. Getting a full range of perspectives, decisions and happy solutions of all sorts has been so useful for me on this board. I too have begun to wonder how much longer I can go on at this rate, and knowing that you can survive -- and feel better -- after making what seems like an impossible decisions is a relief. Best of luck to you.

[EmptyWomb]

I am so proud and happy for you! It takes a really strong couple and woman for that matter I have been like a 4 year stalker of this board and site in general but did not start posting till like 5-6 months ago. We only get one life to live so why not do the impossible! We are young, wild, and need to be free sometimes!!! I am so happy for you! BUT you have to check back in now and then Good luck girl!

[kayakr]

I love to hear the happiness you have now. I like the plan that every New Years you'll re-evaluate as a couple and see if you're still happy about your decision. If not then the plan can always change at that time.

Sounds like you guys got your act together and the peace about it as well. Good Job! Hug your DH today!