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I feel like I got kicked in the gut...


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  • 2 Post By kayakr

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  #1  
February 10th, 2013, 06:30 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,042
I swear i will stop whining and return to my usual cheerleader self soon
I feel like a drama queen and I swear I am not a troll... I just feel so tested.
I was doing okay. Feeling like everything would be okay. Having surges of sadness but ok ya know?
Then I got the call this morning...
My sister is pg. She has been trying since Oct and I have been preparing myself for this day. I knew it would be bittersweet but I just wish it wasn't this cycle or this month. She is due 10 days after I was due. I don't want to track my loss through her pgy Why this month?! And she didn't even use OPKs.
When she called to tell me she heard my initial hesitation and assumed it was because of the IF. She told me she was so sorry that it wasn't me. It was sweet. But the only reason i hesitated was shock and thoughts of my m/c came flooding in. She has no idea. I never told her (or anyone but Dh, my mom &my BF) I was pg or m/cing. She is one of those people who really don't get it. She tries to empathize and asks things like, "What happened to you? I don't understand. Mom was super fertile and I seem to be ok." And she doesn't say it to be a jerk... But seriously? I want to grab her bottom lip and pull it over her head and have a beetlejuice moment when she says things like that. And she doesn't listen to what my treatments are so she asks the same questions. She also tried to check an HPT when she came over BEFORE I could check it She has never had a m/c and only knows of my 1st m/c because I never tell her and wait until I see a HB.
I make her sound horrible and she is not. She is just naive and doesn't mean to offend. We also have a weird relationship where I am only 14 months older but may as well be 14 years. I have been mothering her for many years. She just moved out of my home in Oct when she got remarried after living here for 4 years. She also has a son with a terminal illness we are trying to save so I really want this for her badly. Just not this month.

I know it will be okay. I hope we are pg together. I hope our babies are close. I will throw her the best baby shower. I will be there with her again in the delivery room. I will be be in love with my new niece or nephew.
But right now? Today? I'm sad and just feel like God is testing me or I am on some screwed up reality show.
And tonight... I started bleeding
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  #2  
February 10th, 2013, 06:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,522
Oh, Lucy I am so sorry! I can't even imagine how devastating it was for you to hear her news

I wish I could give you a hug in person but since I can't I am sending you a virtual one You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #3  
February 10th, 2013, 06:44 PM
Gamer_Princess's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 4,034
Honey I am so sorry Sisters are great but sometimes they are a pain in the butt. I am here for you anytime you need to talk. Thinking of you
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  #4  
February 10th, 2013, 07:10 PM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lucy I am so so sorry!!!
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  #5  
February 10th, 2013, 07:20 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
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*hugs* so sorry Lucy
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  #6  
February 10th, 2013, 07:40 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Upstate, NY
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Wow that must be horribly hard, I'm so sorry honey. Big hugs to you.
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  #7  
February 10th, 2013, 09:49 PM
Frozenoj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: West Florida
Posts: 3,557
I'm sorry, Lucy. That must be really hard having her due so close to when you would have been. It's hard for me to see pregnancies progress, babies be born, and children grow up when I know their parents started trying after we did. I can't imagine dealing with a pregnancy/baby of a close family member who is due when I should have been. Rant here and on TTAL as much as you need. We are here for you.
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  #8  
February 10th, 2013, 10:36 PM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
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Location: Hattiesburg, Ms
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It sounds like u r a loving sister and its just bad timing on hearing d news that other wise u would be cheering her on as you are cheering the jm ladies on. I'm sorry u r going through this and I pray that u get your wish to have your baby close with your sis.
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  #9  
February 11th, 2013, 05:53 AM
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Please don't beat yourself up for being upset. That is hard news to take right when you are going through a m/c. Im sure you will have good days and really hard days when you think about your sister or see her until you get pregnant again. I really hope you get pregnant with a super sticky bean soon, that would be so awesome for you both to have babies close in age. Maybe try to distance yourself from her for a bit for right now? Give yourself time to heal. You are a strong woman and can get through this. HUGS
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  #10  
February 11th, 2013, 06:01 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,745
Oh Lucy - You feel like you got kicked in the gut because you did! That just blows! Babies are nothing but blessings and I am sure you are happy for your sister but its okay to feel like good things are happening to her and not you and be mad about it. It will be hard having her due date being so close to what would have been yours… I haven’t had a loss so I have no business saying anything about it but maybe instead of using that due date and someday birthday as a day of sadness, use it as a day to remember your little soul that God wants you to have but it just couldn’t get to you YET, on that particular day.
If I am out of line for saying that I am sorry…. Having not had a loss myself I probably shouldn’t even be commenting on how you should or do feel. I want only good things for you Lucy so I mean no disrespect.
When I get to heaven the first thing I am going to ask is “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
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Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #11  
February 11th, 2013, 06:17 AM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
Lucy I am so sorry. no amount of sorry's and hugs on the 'net though will make you feel any better about the situation. and we know that - but we all do here what we can. I so wish I could snap my fingers and make things better for you, but I can't. The advice I always give everyone, because it's one of the only things that tends to help me feel better...is "have a tantrum like a 2 year old in walmart" because life sucks sometimes. It does. I wish so hard that it didn't...

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IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


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  #12  
February 11th, 2013, 08:47 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry Lucy

I do hope that you will get your wish and be pregnant together soon! I know it doesn't take away the pain, but hopefully the pain will be less.
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Me: Autoimmune (Hashimotos and Fibromyalgia), vitamin D and calcium deficiency. Treated with Synthroid, supplements, TCM and acupuncture.

DH: Severe MFI (low counts, low motility, poor morphology and high antibodies), likely caused by poor liver function. Treated with Clomid to increase total counts.

DD: Conceived after 1 year of TTC with progesterone to correct LPD (likely caused by undiagnosed thyroid dysfunction). Born Aug 2009 via c/s after an induction due to pre-e and HELLP.

TTC #2 since Oct10 with an early loss in Aug 2011. Post-wash counts are too low for IUI to be successful, so moving on to IVF/ICSI in May 2014!

IVF/ICSI #1 (May 2014): Estrogen priming and antagonist protocol, including acupuncture and prayer!
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29/05/14 - 13 fertilized!!! All are looking great still on day 3, so we're going to blast!
02/06/14 - Transferred one 1BC blast, with 3 other blasts and 3 morulas to watch and freeze
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  #13  
February 11th, 2013, 09:12 AM
*Whiskey*'s Avatar Moving on to adoption
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Location: Texas
Posts: 1,740
Oh Lucy I'm so sorry honey! That is awful timing!! We know you love your sister and it's hard to be nice all the time to people who are so naive. Sometimes I'm actually jealous of them.

Hang in there honey
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  #14  
February 11th, 2013, 11:31 AM
onlybygrace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,045
I can only imagine how you're feeling!
We know you love your sister! But the timing REALLY sucks!

I'm so sorry you have this now to deal with after a loss.

We're all here for you, so feel free to vent whenever you like.

Hugs!
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  #15  
February 11th, 2013, 09:18 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,042
I can't thank you ladies enough... seriously.

i feel so much better about it. It's still hard but better.
My sister is freaking out about cramping so I have been trying to calm her because basically I am her mother figure. It's weird but ok.
My parents said something to her and i think she may know about the m/c. She hasn't out right said it but she is super guilty and I guess my parents said something about me hating her So i have been reassuring her that I could never hate her and not to worry.

Now I am just going to focus on being pregnant together!
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  #16  
February 12th, 2013, 09:11 AM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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Location: Texas
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sorry i'm late seeing this...i just wanted to share that something very similar happened to me during my 2nd loss. Turns out my sis was pregnant at almost the same time (she was about 4 weeks ahead of me) and literally on the day I start bleeding and go in for u/s to find out there was likely a problem with the pregnancy she announces she's pregnant with....twins.

I was heartbroken and crushed and envious and just filled with a million "why me?" pity moments...and then I decided not to tell her or any of my family what we were going through (that particular loss was very drawn out over 3 weeks, with hope when we saw a hb and then eventually the loss) so I didn't destroy her happiness & excitement in her moment. It's a really hard thing, i'm not going to lie, to watch a pregnancy progress that was timed closely to yours...still hurts me a bit even after all this time as her babies hit their big milestones and you have those "what if this had worked out differently" thoughts.

Just be kind to yourself, separate when you need to and get some distance if you need not to be the one to reassure her, etc. It's not selfish, it's self preservation some days. (((((HUGS)))))
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  #17  
February 12th, 2013, 02:04 PM
Raunchero's Avatar Happy as a Clam :)
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Location: Minnesota
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Hey lucy, i am so sorry for getting the news this month.

I know all to well the hurt. My brother and his girlfriend hadnt even been trying ended up pregnant. Well that was the same month i got my BFP. we were about 3 weeks apart. when i lost my pg, i couldnt even look her in the eyes. I had "our babies" whole life planned out even before we had announced to anyone that we were pregnant.

Her and i were on "uncomfortable" terms for awhile, not more than a Hello. Finally, we just made a date, and talked it out. She poured out to me how she didnt know how to talk to me or treat me becuase she didnt want to "upset" me.
It sucks, and i cant really give you any advice that makes you feel better. I used to think when she had her big moments (first u/s, gender u/s...ect) "i would have been right behind her" Now I think that but it doesnt hurt as much.

Each day gets better, smiles happen easier and your happiness for your sister will come in full strength soon.

My best wishes and hugs to you my dear.
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  #18  
February 12th, 2013, 09:50 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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Location: Bay area CA
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Sad that I am not alone but comforting.
I wish she didn't know anything because she feels so guilty And its obviously not he fault and she should be able to enjoy this time. I'm angry I can't enjoy it with her yet
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  #19  
February 13th, 2013, 08:14 AM
Raunchero's Avatar Happy as a Clam :)
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I know lucy, but you will be able to be happy soon. It may take a few months but it will happen
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