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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  • 1 Post By IndyMommyWannabe
  • 1 Post By LucyAnna
  • 1 Post By KMH
  • 4 Post By *JenJen*
  • 1 Post By Gamer_Princess
  • 1 Post By JulieMc
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  #1  
March 11th, 2013, 02:45 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
Will you tell them once you DO get pregnant? This is for all of us girls - both first timer's and those with secondary...

I'm curious how you will tell them.

For example...my parents know - so they understand what we are going through - but his parents do not and are TOTALLY the kind that would be all "well FINALLY - i mean what took you so long?!"

Because they don't know and don't understand infertility struggles - especially since my husband is 39, has NEVER had children and his family is the kind that get pregnant when they are 18. (no joke, my husband's 45 year old brother was a grandpa at 38...

My husband isn't the kind to share a lot of personal stuff - but me - I WANT everyone to know what we've had to deal with and go through once we get there. I WANT everyone to know how hard it was and how it wasn't just like we decided to get pregnant and POOF guess what?!

You know what I mean? With all the tears and hard work and MONEY we've put into it - I want to shout it from the roof that once an IVF works that it WAS IVF that worked! you know?

Anyone else?
*Leah* likes this.
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TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #2  
March 11th, 2013, 02:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Red Stick, Louisiana
Posts: 2,238
For me- we told my family with DD. my mom was there from day 1 with support. And I think it's good to have someone to talk about with it. But DHs family don't know. Even though his sister used the same dr for both her DDs, my MIL would drive me crazy. 1-for religious beliefs. Even though we are all the same religion, we see MA as a gift from God so the childless can have children. But she doesn't. And that's fine that we don't see eye to eye- we have a beautiful dd thanks to a little help from our RE.2- my mil (as sweet as she is) she is kinda a gossip. She would LOVE to be able tell everyone our struggles- and I'm a pretty private person. I don't want her calling me everyday to see if I'm pregnant, or have all her friends feel sorry for us. I have enough stress/guilt of my own with not needing to explain myself to people I don't know....you know what mean?
It's totally a personal decision for you and your family. Just keep in mind that it becomes a family affair rather than between you and your dh---which has its PROS and cons. Not knocking either way. Like I said- that's a personal decision. This was/is our experience!

Oh and I'll add- its the same situation this time around. My family knows and that's it (when I say my family- my mom, sister and best friend) I think every once in awhile about telling DHs family- but definitely not til we are done having children and they are older- I fear favoritism might be shown to the other kids- yes- even my sil kids who were created similarly. (not exactly the same way). It's different because that's her daughters kids. But I can't tell you how many times she would tell me private things about my sil experience. Not interested in my uterus being discussed- lol- except on JM of course- hahaha!
*Leah* likes this.
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Saw a beautiful little heartbeat 1/28/10
Heard a Beautiful little heartbeat 3/3/2010
Saw a Beautiful Little GIRL 4/5/2010!!!!
Held my beautiful Little GIRL 9/24/2010


Last edited by LucyAnna; March 11th, 2013 at 03:02 PM.
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  #3  
March 11th, 2013, 03:23 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,592
We really haven't told anyone that we are struggling with infertility. My parents and his parents knew that before DH started chemo that we banked but hoped that we would never have to use it. The longer we keep trying without getting pregnant the more it seems like we will have to use medical assistance. I know that my parents don't have anything against that or adoption just as long as we are happy and healthy. Now his parents I don't think they would be down with any of that just because they feel we already have a child to carry on the family name and we should be happy with that. Which to me is just selfish and rude because I want to be able to share the love I have for our son with another baby or two. I have talked to a few of my really close friends about our struggles and most of them don't understand because they haven't struggled with it. But they are right there to pray for me and encourage me while the crazy Clomid monster is in town I think though after all is said and done and we get another miracle or two from God, that we would be more open with others about infertility. Because I would hate for anyone that I know to be suffering through this by themselves thinking that they are the only one going through it.
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  #4  
March 11th, 2013, 03:54 PM
KMH KMH is offline
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,114
We didn't tell everyone when we were going thru the process....we don't live near "home" so it wasn't too hard to keep it from people. There were a couple people that we just really didn't want to know because we figured they wouldn't approve and we didn't want to hear about it. In the end it is our decision and we needed support, not drama.

When we told people, we use a scrapbook to tell our story. We gave them the basic news ("We have been trying to start a family for a couple of years and ended up needing help from IVF. Fortunately it has worked for us, and we are expecting a baby in July!") and then walked them thru everything with the book. This was helpful even for people that did know we were doing IVF because it helped them explain what the process entailed. I took pics of everything...meds, the needles for my PIO shots, my injection sites, me in recovery after the ER, DH and I doing our blood tests, my bloating, the pee-sticks, me writing the fat check to my RE, etc. etc. I thought it was really nice for people to see what a struggle it was and how it consumed us...I think it was harder for people to criticize after that
*Leah* likes this.
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Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (3), Abigail (1) and George (1)

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  #5  
March 11th, 2013, 04:44 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: west, but east. south, but not north.
Posts: 7,753
yes, we will tell everyone. When we announce, it will be something like, "after a long battle with infertility, we are thrilled to celebrate the upcoming arrival of our first child"
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My Blog
2006-2013 6+ years of NTNP, TTC, TTCMA, Losses, Surgeries, and Diagnoses.
RPL and Genetic Tests came back 100% normal | Endo, PCOS, severe MFI
Multiple early losses between 3 and 8 weeks.

Broken in heart, mind, and body. On a break until Summer 2014






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  #6  
March 11th, 2013, 05:08 PM
Gamer_Princess's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,034
My inlaws are the only ones who know but they are super supportive. For the longest time they wanted to know what our next steps were and even did some research and presented it to DH. He of course was the one pushing for MA so in the end they were a huge help for us.

My family on the other hand is lousy. We are military so we also do not live close to "home". I rarely talk to my family and when I do it is for my mom to call me with gossip... she is like the sorority sister from hell lol My sister is pregnant and it took her and her husband all of like 2 months to get pregnant.. her DH was not too thrilled with having a kid as he told her he did not want any. So I tend to stay out of the drama called my family.

When we do get pregnant I will tell our story. So far I have documented every cycle and will continue to do so with pictures and stuff as we progress with our MA. I want others to FINALLY know that we worked our butts off to get pregnant and in the end that our child is a blessing from GOD.

My IRL friends have no idea as they are as fertile as they come. Being a spouse in the military community, gossiping is #1....and I do not want to be subjected to that. DH is very private about our journey and does not talk about it at all. I am able to go to my MIL because she went through a ton of treatments trying to get pregnant with DH. She actually did a case study back in the late 1980's in which she did IVF and they put back all of her fertlized embies :O CRAZY so she has a bit of insight but it was so long ago and with treatments advancing they try to stay as knowledgeable about it as we have tried to be.

They have even offered to help with paying for adoption fees or help with the IVF fees if we have to come to it. They are extremely sweet and want a grandchild but are okay with our furbabies at the moment
*Leah* likes this.
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  #7  
March 11th, 2013, 05:14 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
I'm not sure that we'll mention it unless family asks. We'll see how we feel then.
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  #8  
March 11th, 2013, 10:48 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,004
I have no intention of mentioning it. I did mention it briefly to a couple friends when I got fed up with them asking when I was going to have another baby..after they knew I had had a miscarriage. I informed them that I'd had several miscarriages and that we were going to be starting fertility meds. Other than that, no one knows. I don't want either of our families to know because they are so darn nosy and already are all up in our business more than I'd like. I would have never even told our families about the miscarriages...they only know about the one, not all of them, and the only reason they know about it because it landed me overnight in the hospital. I almost died. So...yea... I'm very private. I don't like people knowing personal health things. If by some miracle we got pregnant with twins, I'm not telling anyone it may be due to fertility meds. The two friends would suspect, but they're classy enough not to broadcast my business.

It would be easier if it was out in the open and we didn't have such nosy, controlling families....then people might not say some of the stupid things that they do, like constantly asking me when we're going to have more babies, cuz they'd know that I want more babies but am having problems.
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  #9  
March 12th, 2013, 03:18 AM
onlybygrace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,045
I personally wouldn't mention it.
If I was asked, I wouldn't deny it...but I wouldnt want anyone pitying me, or thinking anything less of my baby because he/she was not conceived the 'natural' way.

And believe me, some people are closed minded enough to think that way.
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Not without the grace of heaven were you born and bred - Homer, The Odyssey

TTC our 1st since June 2011

6 cycles of Clomid, 2 cycles injectables, 5 IUIs: ALL BFNs

IVF #1: Starting 5th March 2013 - Praying for my 1st ever BFP!



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  #10  
March 12th, 2013, 06:29 AM
MandyEllen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,448
UGH! I was going to write a post about this too!

DH & I haven't told too many people at all. We have a few friends who have used MA to have children and we have told them minimal details. DH's theory is that when someone says they're pregnant we don't ask them how it happened so they don't need to know how it will happen for us.

I haven't posted too many details lately, but right now I am working with a psychologist to get myself on track to use an egg donor. DH & I went to my last appointment (she asked that he come that time) and she worked us through telling my mom. Well, we told her this weekend & it was a disaster. She doesn't understand the struggle or the loss I'm feeling. She tried to tell me stories that she thought would parallel mine to make me feel better, but I really didn't need the "one-upping" at that point.

I've decided that I will work on my own heart & greive the loss of the fantasy of my biological child with the help of DH & the psychologist & you ladies. I truly believe that unless it happens to you & you need the MA it's almost impossible to get the emotions that go along with this process.

When we do have a baby, if someone asks I'll always tell the truth, but I won't walk around with a t-shirt on that says "IVF baby through an egg donor" on it. We do intend to tell the child from early on though & leave the control of who knows up to them.
*Leah* likes this.
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Mandy (34)
6/29/13 - transferred 2 embryos
7/10/13 - 14 dpo beta=300
7/12/13 - 16 dpo beta=825
7/19/13 - 23 dpo beta=18,870
7/26/13 - 30 dpo beta=72,091


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  #11  
March 12th, 2013, 07:36 AM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,627
Our family knows what is going on with us, Some understand and some don't. We will tell everyone once we hear a heartbeat.
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12-10-10 2-6-12
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  #12  
March 12th, 2013, 11:06 PM
Working mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Moreno Valley, CA
Posts: 381
We have told some of our family and few close friends. I told my mom, sister and SIL for support. And also because I am not a very private person. DHs parents found out because they were bugging us to have another kid so I made DH get them off my back.

Overall, I am proud of the journey we have been through. And if I think our story will help in any way, I am always happy to tell it. Opening up about my IVF has brought be closer to a couple of ladies who were going through the same thing.

BUT there are members of my family that I don't plan to ever know--namely my grandmother and DHs grandmother. Mine will worry unneccesarily. DH's will blame any "flaw" on the IVF. Our aunts/uncles don't know. Families tend to "share" a lot about each other and I don't want add our baby to their "sharing". I have some fear/protective instinct about people criticizing our DS and his amazing conception. So I avoid telling anyone that I fear may be less than supportive.

As DS gets older, I may end up telling more people as everyone sees how amazing he is. We plan to go back for a FET at the end of the year. We don't plan to tell anyone ahead of time. But our family will suspect this is how the baby was conceived.
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  #13  
March 13th, 2013, 01:18 AM
ericalynnxoxo's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 98
Both of our parents know what we have been going through and they are all very supportive. I am very open about what I have been through and would tell anyone from immediate family to a complete stranger. Now my husband on the other hand is very shy about everything and he doesn't want to tell everyone about our fertility issues.
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  #14  
March 13th, 2013, 11:30 AM
Regular
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 57
My DH & I were expecting MFI but instead found out that the issue was with me (blocked tubes) than him. Originally, the only ones who knew was my mom, because she has been through it too (IVF single & IVF triplets in the early 90s) and she went with me to my HSG procedure.

Then, when we discovered that everything was okay with DH, I felt more "comfortable" telling people that we would be going through IVF - when I say "people" - that number is limited to just a few certain close family friends. My inlaws don't know (and they start early so I completely get what "IndyMama" was saying - my BIL is in his late 40s and has grandkids), with the exception of my DH's youngest brother whom he is closest to.

As far telling everyone when we hear a heartbeat... I'm still undecided. It's not that I'm not proud of what we have gone through (and hopefully triumph over), but I don't want anyone treating my child(ren) differently because the circumstances of their conception weren't "natural."

I *LOVE* the idea of a scrapbook though - and I've made a mental note to go home and take pictures of all of my meds, needles, etc. I've been writing a journal about our journey to one day share with my child(ren), but pictures will add to it. I want them to know how much of a miracle they are, but I'm unsure about telling everyone the specifics of our journey.
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Brooke: 31, blocked tubes, diminished ovarian reserve, weak eggs
DH: 35, all cleared
TTC: January 2012


July 2012 - HSG exam; blocked tubes
July 2012 - possible male infertility due to chemo & radiation treatment
August 2012: DH had his testosterone levels checked; low, will recheck in December
December 2012 - test for DH's sperm ** SWIMMERS, YAY!**
February 2013 - IVF consult
February 25, 2013 - sonohysterogram & mock transfer ** ALL CLEARED FOR IVF PROCEDURE **
March 6, 2013 - bloodwork & u/s, start Lupron injections - 10units
March 8, 2013 - start Gonal-F injections (300u), lupron (10units)
March 11, 2013 - bloodwork, u/s, Estrogen: 220, Lupron, Gonal-F, Menopur
March 13, 2013 - Left ovary (3 follicles), Right ovary (5 follicles), bloodwork, u/s, Estrogen: 519, Lupron, Gonal -F, Menopur
March 15, 2013 - bloodwork, u/s, Estrogen: 1305, follies growing, Lupron, Gonal - F, Menopur
March 19, 2013 - Retrieval!! 8 eggs
March 24, 2013 - Embryo Transfer; put back 3 embryos (1 blastocyst stage, 2 morula stage)

April 3, 2013 - beta #1 - 101!
April 5, 2013 - beta #2 - 307!
April 8, 2013 - beta #3 - 1,387!!
April 10, 2013 - beta #4 - 3104! - 1st u/s Friday!

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  #15  
March 13th, 2013, 11:30 AM
Regular
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 57
My DH & I were expecting MFI but instead found out that the issue was with me (blocked tubes) than him. Originally, the only ones who knew was my mom, because she has been through it too (IVF single & IVF triplets in the early 90s) and she went with me to my HSG procedure.

Then, when we discovered that everything was okay with DH, I felt more "comfortable" telling people that we would be going through IVF - when I say "people" - that number is limited to just a few certain close family friends. My inlaws don't know (and they start early so I completely get what "IndyMama" was saying - my BIL is in his late 40s and has grandkids), with the exception of my DH's youngest brother whom he is closest to.

As far telling everyone when we hear a heartbeat... I'm still undecided. It's not that I'm not proud of what we have gone through (and hopefully triumph over), but I don't want anyone treating my child(ren) differently because the circumstances of their conception weren't "natural."

I *LOVE* the idea of a scrapbook though - and I've made a mental note to go home and take pictures of all of my meds, needles, etc. I've been writing a journal about our journey to one day share with my child(ren), but pictures will add to it. I want them to know how much of a miracle they are, but I'm unsure about telling everyone the specifics of our journey.
__________________


Brooke: 31, blocked tubes, diminished ovarian reserve, weak eggs
DH: 35, all cleared
TTC: January 2012


July 2012 - HSG exam; blocked tubes
July 2012 - possible male infertility due to chemo & radiation treatment
August 2012: DH had his testosterone levels checked; low, will recheck in December
December 2012 - test for DH's sperm ** SWIMMERS, YAY!**
February 2013 - IVF consult
February 25, 2013 - sonohysterogram & mock transfer ** ALL CLEARED FOR IVF PROCEDURE **
March 6, 2013 - bloodwork & u/s, start Lupron injections - 10units
March 8, 2013 - start Gonal-F injections (300u), lupron (10units)
March 11, 2013 - bloodwork, u/s, Estrogen: 220, Lupron, Gonal-F, Menopur
March 13, 2013 - Left ovary (3 follicles), Right ovary (5 follicles), bloodwork, u/s, Estrogen: 519, Lupron, Gonal -F, Menopur
March 15, 2013 - bloodwork, u/s, Estrogen: 1305, follies growing, Lupron, Gonal - F, Menopur
March 19, 2013 - Retrieval!! 8 eggs
March 24, 2013 - Embryo Transfer; put back 3 embryos (1 blastocyst stage, 2 morula stage)

April 3, 2013 - beta #1 - 101!
April 5, 2013 - beta #2 - 307!
April 8, 2013 - beta #3 - 1,387!!
April 10, 2013 - beta #4 - 3104! - 1st u/s Friday!

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