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I don't know what to think but trying to look on the bright side


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  • 1 Post By Lucy S.
  • 2 Post By onlybygrace
  • 6 Post By kayakr
  • 2 Post By smsturner
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  #1  
March 21st, 2013, 11:54 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,047
Sorry I have been MIA ladies... Life is crazy but with craziness time has flown by.

DH saw the urologist.... I didn't go but it seemed to have gone really well They are going to do a new SA with a lab better setup for it. They will actually do the strict morphology and a WBC- neither have been done. He also said that young sperm can look like WBC so it would depend on the Dr if they can tell the difference so he wants to see a new SA.
Also his last urologist emailed and said there are "no need" for hormone testing based on the on the SA but this one disagreed and ordered them. He also is having DH come in for an u/s on the 4th for uhhh? I dunno but sounds good! LOL!
We won't be doing anything tho unless this cycle is a bust. I don't want to spend the money unless we have to and I think this is going to be pricey... But he seems like he really knows what he is doing! Oh and he a believer in supplements and ALL of the ones he recommended we already have DH on and he said the dosages are right
Dr. Nudell

I had my midcycle u/s today and it didn't go as planned. I am on CD11 but tend to have larger follicles so we booked early (and the latest they can do IUI is Sat morning and I didn’t want to be triggered on Friday). My Dr wasn't in and she set me up with a Dr I hadn't met but was on board to allow and IUI with 4 follicles if that happened.
Well he was weird. Even DH thought so and DH is weird. I swear he was like an old soap opera Dr. Would be quite funny if it were a show but it's my life instead
It was kind of awkward getting the u/s and normally I am not the type to even think twice. Then I couldn't figure out why my knee was hurting when he asked me to scoot more down... The stirrups weren't put into position so my knees were basically in my chest and he didn't notice- even when I had DH put them in the correct position.
He measured the lining and it looked good. Found the right ovary right away and saw a 15,(almost 16) on that side but also said he saw fluid that could mean I already ovulated? <more on this later>
Then he couldn't find the **** left ovary for a long while. My left is normally not the issues. And he didn't have me try to move my hips and whatever like most Dr.s have had me do. Instead jabbed and pushed around and kept trying until he saw a large follicle but never the entire ovary. That follicle was 24! But I never got to see the whole ovary so we are going off reporting ONE follicle.
Okay for those who don't know, I like to produce eggs. My natural monitored cycle I had 2 and with every medicated cycle I have had 3-7. It’s the only thing I have… Nothing else seems to work right but I have been able to depend on at least that. So we upped my Femara hoping to get 4 (last 2 times it was 3) and I got ONE? Really? Does anyone else find this strange? I don't know what to think. I was trying to look too but I couldn't see the ovary so I don't know if there were more but I would think he would have saw them???
And then TMI- he says it's because "of this" and points to the screen, "it's poo!" he says with a chuckle. OMG did he really just do and say that? That has been one of my fears and I try not to think about it and there it was. Thanks.

So back to the fluid... Any idea what it could be other than O?
I didn't do OPKs yesterday because cd9 was so light and my cervix was medium and mid and CM was lotion-y. Now I am kicking myself. I took one tonight and it's still light. Lighter than CD9 so I dunno. I guess I could have O'ed today and missed the surge? I am temping so I should know tomorrow I guess (the trigger doesn't seem to affect my temps thankfully). I don’t think I have ever recorded O at CD10 tho. CD11 was the earliest and that was a non-medicated cycle. Oh and my cervix is now high and softer but not as soft as O and I saw some EWCM.

So my Dr told him the plan but I guess he forgot so I reminded him... I did my own trigger tonight and then IUI Saturday morning so 36 hours).
I was feeling really hopeful this cycle... Now I just feel confused and bleh.

This however has been the kick in the butt I needed to leave this clinic. I guess I met my deductible so I have been paying like $100 a cycle so it has been appealing to stay. That am I love the OB I worked with BUT if we are not getting PG what’s the point? And I basically am my own plans and they just follow. I get no input unless it's from Dr. Google. I think I need more insight and better care. Like mid-cycle scans on CD10 and then a repeat as needed... Also I need to discuss meds and DH's SA. Also if my RE can't see me at least I know I will be seen by someone who knows infertility and isn't an OBGYN dabbling in infertility. And when I say 36 hours IUI is statistically superior, I won’t get a “well it doesn’t really matter, 24 or 36”.

So I dunno. Drama, like always. I feel like I am always drama and I really do try not to be that person. And I try and look on the brightside. But I feel like I keep getting tripped when I stand up.

And I can’t stop. Seriously if I could take a pill and never feel baby lust again, I would.
But I know if somehow I could muster up the strength to stop all this and try and move on, it would haunt me forever. That whole would be there forever. And I would grieve what could have been, forever.
And I can’t live like that so instead I feel like I live trapped between what my head knows I should do and what my heart knows I should do.
*Leah* likes this.
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Lucy
Due with #3
10 IUIs= one confirmed /IVF= BFN / FET= / FET2= Baby!
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Last edited by Lucy S.; March 22nd, 2013 at 12:00 AM.
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  #2  
March 22nd, 2013, 03:54 AM
onlybygrace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,045
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy S. View Post
And I can’t stop. Seriously if I could take a pill and never feel baby lust again, I would.
But I know if somehow I could muster up the strength to stop all this and try and move on, it would haunt me forever. That whole would be there forever. And I would grieve what could have been, forever.
And I can’t live like that so instead I feel like I live trapped between what my head knows I should do and what my heart knows I should do.
This is exactly how I feel!

Its the worst feeling in the world when you are your only advocate, and your doctors are not on the same page. I changed doctors because of that and I feel a bit better now. But there are still days when I feel that NO ONE is helping me, and I have to do all my own advocacy.

I hope that changing centers and doctors will give you the better standard of care you deserve.

This road is so long sometimes, and so lonely. I just pray that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us all!

Hugs!
*Leah* and Lucy S. like this.
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Not without the grace of heaven were you born and bred - Homer, The Odyssey

TTC our 1st since June 2011

6 cycles of Clomid, 2 cycles injectables, 5 IUIs: ALL BFNs

IVF #1: Starting 5th March 2013 - Praying for my 1st ever BFP!



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  #3  
March 22nd, 2013, 06:44 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,762
I feel the same too. I love your quote it's so true. "Trapped between head and heart and My uterus"

Lucy - if your gut is telling you that you should change RE then you need to. Do it sooner then later. Glad DH seems to be getting good care from Urologist. You need good care too!
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #4  
March 22nd, 2013, 06:44 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy S.

And I can’t stop. Seriously if I could take a pill and never feel baby lust again, I would.
But I know if somehow I could muster up the strength to stop all this and try and move on, it would haunt me forever. That whole would be there forever. And I would grieve what could have been, forever.
And I can’t live like that so instead I feel like I live trapped between what my head knows I should do and what my heart knows I should do.
This is perfect. I think so many of us feel this way.



It still sounds good to me hun. I really hope this IUI is what does it for you!!

I hope you find the perfect doctor that will be just what you need!
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  #5  
March 22nd, 2013, 08:08 AM
swtneka's Avatar Praying for a miracle
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Hattiesburg, Ms
Posts: 7,668
n
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  #6  
March 22nd, 2013, 09:59 AM
Raunchero's Avatar Happy as a Clam :)
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,410
So as far as the fluid.. Could you have had a cyst? I have had lots of them rupture and they always find fluid.

But that "poo" comment... you took it a lot better than me... i would have said something nasty to him about his professionalism!

I think that if you feel its time for the new doc, then it is! take care of your self!
Good luck hun!
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  #7  
March 22nd, 2013, 10:23 AM
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Posts: 1,131
I'm sorry about this experience! All you need is an unprofessional physician IDK what the fluid could be. But if you usually have few eggs, even if one popped- the cycle is still good, right? You're not "drama", this is the BS we call healthcare in America. Where the patient better get the knowledge and advocate for themself! Good luck tom, kup
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  #8  
March 22nd, 2013, 10:41 AM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 1,974
If I were you, I'd find a new doctor. I'm not even sure I trust this doctor's finding of "fluid," since he couldn't even find your ovary. And if he couldn't find your ovary, how does he know that there wasn't another follicle (or 2 or 3) in that same ovary that he found the 1 in? Going through medical assistance is uncomfortable enough and stressful enough as it is... and if they can't even get the stirrups right, then I really don't trust anything else they do! Your doctor should be your advocate... and I think that once you find a competent doctor that instills confidence in you, it will make the whole TTC w/ MA thing go more smoothly.
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  #9  
March 22nd, 2013, 03:21 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,592
I am glad to hear that DH is getting good care and follow through with the urologist. But I definitely echo what all the other ladies have said, you also need to get great care too. I would probably start looking for a new doctor that instills confidence in you that he can do his job.
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  #10  
March 22nd, 2013, 03:54 PM
*Whiskey*'s Avatar Blessed
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,744
Did you start seeing Dr Vasquez without telling me? LOL that doctor sounds as much as a tool as he was.

I wish I could make it better for you, snap my fingers and you're pregnant with a THB.
I also wish I could take that pill. That'd be nice to not have this crazy ache.
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~ * ~ * ~ * Always believe that something good is going to happen * ~ * ~ * ~

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  #11  
March 22nd, 2013, 03:58 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 12,271
Im glad you checked in! I didn't know they could see poo on the scan! I would have been so embarrassed and mad at the doctor saying that. Im glad things seem good on your DHs end. The diff doc you saw today sounds like a ding bat. Im praying so hard it works for you this time and the idiot just couldn't see all the follies on your scan because he was too worried crackin poo jokes.

And you are definitely not alone feeling trapped and not knowing which path is the right path. But I think if you feel that you would regret not trying then you are still on the right path trying everything you can.
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  #12  
March 26th, 2013, 12:25 AM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,047
I feel like I am in SUCH good company here and I feel like someone gets me and I don't have to explain.

Had the IUI and she said that she saw some WBC but didn't act like it was a lot at all. She also said that she saw 15-20 sperm swimming forward in .... I can't remember what she said And this was the first time this group has said any numbers at all! Just another reason to leave!

Oh and my temps show that I didn't O when that dumb Dr thought. Everything looks like it went as planned by my temps and I had more EWCM than I have EVER seen. TMI but it was actually kind of gross!! Yay Femara! LOL!

Thank you again ladies
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Due with #3
10 IUIs= one confirmed /IVF= BFN / FET= / FET2= Baby!
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