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best friend rant


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  • 1 Post By *Whiskey*
  • 1 Post By JulieMc

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  #1  
March 30th, 2013, 02:32 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 890
My best friend is my sister from another mother. I tell her everything. Today, I finally told her that round one of Clomid didn't work and today I started the higher dose. And that May 9th is our first appointment with RE. Her response was ' you have no idea how uncomfortable this is for me.This is just so unfair to me.' With??
Important tidbits:
* she offered to have our baby or a baby for us
* she is about to be a grandmother due to her boyfriend's teenage girlfriend
* she has asked me to come up with the name for the baby to call her
* she asked me to help plan the baby shower

I did everything she asked me to do without hesitation. But this is unfair to her... are you serious???

I am so sorry. Normally I vent to my best friend, so I have no one to vent to.


I am just so.. heartbroken... never excepted it for her
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  #2  
March 30th, 2013, 02:37 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
oh no! How awful!!! How dare she!
I can't imagine how you feel right now. I would be so upset. I'm sorry.

I expected infertility to be hard on my marriage...but I didn't expect it to bother some of my friendships. My very best friend ended up accidently pregnant at 39 last year. I had already been trying so hard for three years. She and her boyfriend weren't even sure they'd keep it, but they did. I have to say that as hard as I tried, I couldn't be as close to her as I was before. I know she felt bad, so she didn't ask me to do anything. So I felt completely left out on top of jealous and sad and guilty about being jealous. It was really hard, and still things aren't the same.
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #3  
March 30th, 2013, 02:54 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 890
I apologized and told her I wouldn't put in her in that position again. With everything else we have to deal with, it never even crossed my mind that it would effect my friendship with her. *sigh*


I am so sorry that happened to you. Fertility issues suck!
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  #4  
March 30th, 2013, 02:59 PM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,777
Oh man ! I hate that! IRL friends just can't seem to be supportive the right way ....specially when it goes to TTCMA. I am sorry her response wasn't better and that she is making it about her instead. My BFF does the same thing and doesn't even realize it.
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #5  
March 30th, 2013, 03:16 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,047
Why is this unfair to her I am so confused!

One of my bestfriends that I call me "wife" is pretty much the same. Her 19yo DD just had a baby and I helped throw the baby shower with her. It sucked. When I told her we were TTC, she asked, "WHY? I can't even imagine starting over and I am trying to figure out how I am going to manage this new baby (her DD and grandDS live with her)"
I am in a different spot tho! Even tho we are similar in age, I just got married again and have tons of support. My youngest is 8 (we started TTC when he was 6yo) and wants a sibling whereas her youngest is 14yo!

I just don't talk to her about it and she doesn't ask. I admit I am hurt and bitter about it.
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Lucy
Due with #3
10 IUIs= one confirmed /IVF= BFN / FET= / FET2= Baby!
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  #6  
March 30th, 2013, 03:40 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 890
I don't understand this at all. I have never asked her for anything. Just for her to be there doing what we always do laugh about nothing. I am deeply sorry that I haven't been able to get pregnant for her I can't imagine the loneliness or broken feelings she must be going through. I cannot wrap my head around this.
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  #7  
March 30th, 2013, 03:42 PM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,777
I admit I am bitter and hurt about my BFF too but I know she loves me and has always supported me otherwise. This just isn't her thing.
__________________
Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #8  
March 30th, 2013, 04:28 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Quote:
Originally Posted by starlitnite611 View Post
I don't understand this at all. I have never asked her for anything. Just for her to be there doing what we always do laugh about nothing. I am deeply sorry that I haven't been able to get pregnant for her I can't imagine the loneliness or broken feelings she must be going through. I cannot wrap my head around this.
How lonely SHE is feeling? I don't understand.... IMO she's being totally unsupportive and unfair to you. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a jerk to her, but really, she sounds like the one that's out of bounds here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy S. View Post
Why is this unfair to her I am so confused!

One of my bestfriends that I call me "wife" is pretty much the same. Her 19yo DD just had a baby and I helped throw the baby shower with her. It sucked. When I told her we were TTC, she asked, "WHY? I can't even imagine starting over and I am trying to figure out how I am going to manage this new baby (her DD and grandDS live with her)"
I am in a different spot tho! Even tho we are similar in age, I just got married again and have tons of support. My youngest is 8 (we started TTC when he was 6yo) and wants a sibling whereas her youngest is 14yo!

I just don't talk to her about it and she doesn't ask. I admit I am hurt and bitter about it.
I have almost the same as you (two older and now want one together with my 'newer' hubby) and I HATE it when people ask me why I want to 'start over'!! It's just annoying.
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #9  
March 30th, 2013, 04:32 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 890
It's perfectly okay with me for you to say that. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic but I don't know how to get past this. This was just too much for me today.
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  #10  
March 30th, 2013, 05:36 PM
*Whiskey*'s Avatar Blessed
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,744
That was a little unsensitive of your friend if you ask me. Good grief.

I have been very fortunate that people have been supportive of us, particularly since we have children.

I'm also, however, not that nice when it comes to people annoying me. I probably would have said something not all that pleasant in return.
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~ * ~ * ~ * Always believe that something good is going to happen * ~ * ~ * ~

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  #11  
March 31st, 2013, 02:18 AM
onlybygrace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,045
Wow! "How unfair it is to her"??? ***?!!!!

I'd definitely stop telling her anything wbout your TTC journey from now.

Sorry you're going through this. Hugs!
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Not without the grace of heaven were you born and bred - Homer, The Odyssey

TTC our 1st since June 2011

6 cycles of Clomid, 2 cycles injectables, 5 IUIs: ALL BFNs

IVF #1: Starting 5th March 2013 - Praying for my 1st ever BFP!



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  #12  
March 31st, 2013, 04:04 AM
Gamer_Princess's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,034
I am so sorry you have to go through this with IRL friend as well... My lousy bit of sister got pregnant after 2 months of trying and her husband did not want kids. He had the nerve to tell DH that he thought it would have taken longer because we have been at it for so long...

I think Gretchen said it best, some people just do not know what to think about TTC esp when MA is involved... and it is just not their thing....

I hope you and your friend can stay close even though she DID try to make this about herself..
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  #13  
March 31st, 2013, 08:14 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 12,271
I am beyond confused as how it is uncomfortable and unfair to her?? If she is supposed to be your best friend then she sure is not acting like it. Im so sorry she responded this way. About 4 close friends know that Im going to an RE and I would have been devastated if they responded that way and probably wouldn't talk to them for a while. I mean, what else are best friends supposed to be for if not to tell all your deepest feelings to?

Well, we are here for you any time you need to talk about what you are going through. Hopefully she will come around for you and be there like she is supposed to be.
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  #14  
March 31st, 2013, 09:21 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,004
Yea, I don't get how it is unfair to her? WTH. Sounds like she is being selfish and childish. The only reason I could think that it would bother her is if she had wanted or had been trying to get pregnant and couldn't herself..and maybe hearing another person going through it was bothering her? It doesn't sound like that is the case though.

I'm also very confused by this statement:

Quote:
she is about to be a grandmother due to her boyfriend's teenage girlfriend
Do you means her boyfriend has a teen daughter who's pregnant? Cuz if she has a boyfriend who has a teen girlfriend who's having a baby..that's one messed up situation, and she wouldn't be a grandma.....
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  #15  
March 31st, 2013, 11:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: East Coast :)
Posts: 1,331
I'm also confused as to how she could see it as unfair to her.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I know that I've become very distant from many of my friends since starting infertility treatments. I had one living with me during clomid and she couldn't handle the hormones. When we moved to IVF most just couldn't handle that we were available to hang out all the time anymore. I've found that since most people don't have to deal with infertility that they just don't understand how to be supportive.
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  #16  
March 31st, 2013, 11:49 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 890
Thank you so much for your supplrt . Yesterday was horrible for multiple reasons ( ran a horrible call & can't shake it right now). Thank you all for listening

@ Julie - her boyfriend of 4 months ( whom she and a her 8 year old son moved in with) has a son who got his teenage gf pregnant. I have told her well you aren't really a grandmother. This just leads to how jealous I am and I don't want her to be happy. So, it's just easier to say OK and called her a grandma.
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  #17  
March 31st, 2013, 04:06 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,592
Wow!!1 I am so sorry that your friend is not being supportive. I definitely understand how that feels. I have told a handful of people that we have been struggling with TTC and having to move onto TTC with MA. And once I mention that it just seems like they totally shut down. They don't understand how we had our DS without any issues and why should we have issues now that we just need to keep trying (UM how about the fact that DH had testicular cancer and the treatment that saved his life is also the one that royally screwed up his remaining testicle that makes sperm). I had told someone that I was really close to that we are proceeding this way and she said that we were being selfish because our future kids would probably have health issues/birth defects. So after that convo, I have pretty much stopped talking about it all together.
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