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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
May 9th, 2013, 06:10 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
I officially tossed my birth control pills with the blessing of my dr.

I usually call it our infertil-aversary, just to make it sound less upsetting than it really is. Maybe it's not normal for me to track it and mark the years as they go by? Or at least not healthy?

Tom and I wanted two together babies when we got married five years ago. By now we could have been bringing home a second. But we are still desperately trying to just have one. Sometimes I really kick myself for not admitting there was a problem. Or being more aggressive with treatments. Or being afraid to start trying meds to help us.

I don't know. I just know it's been four freaking years. No baby. And it's my fault. Sometimes I feel like screaming and crying and hitting something all at once.

So I'm feeling pretty b!tchy today. I'm sorry. Thanks for letting me come here and vent and join you ladies. You make me feel so much less crazy.
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Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #2  
May 9th, 2013, 06:26 AM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: west, but east. south, but not north.
Posts: 7,754
*hugs* you aren't the only one who marks time. I really hope that someday very soon you get to start marking the time since you brought your together baby home <3
__________________

My Blog
2006-2013 6+ years of NTNP, TTC, TTCMA, Losses, Surgeries, and Diagnoses.
RPL and Genetic Tests came back 100% normal | Endo, PCOS, severe MFI
Multiple early losses between 3 and 8 weeks.

Broken in heart, mind, and body. On a break until Summer 2014






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  #3  
May 9th, 2013, 06:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,065
I'm sorry that its taken long smsturner. Don't beat yourself up about how your journey started- you're doing something now. Vent away! I hope you're very close to your rainbow.
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2011
2012
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  #4  
May 9th, 2013, 06:33 AM
melissaleigh's Avatar Unashamed POASer
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,221
I'm really sorry it as taken so long for you and your hubby and sorry today is a rough day for you! Really hoping you are brining a baby home soon!
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  #5  
May 9th, 2013, 06:42 AM
Regular
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 84
I'm really sorry you are feeling that way. I think after the first 3 or 4 months of TTC with no luck it is only natural for women to know EXACTLY how many cycles it has been TTC. Try not to dwell on the "what ifs" of if I had done this or that differently....You are moving forward and that is all that matters. I really hope you get your takehome baby soon!
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  #6  
May 9th, 2013, 07:39 AM
*Leah*'s Avatar TTC the newfashioned way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,423
It's not your fault!!! As month after month passes..all we have is hope. You can't predict the future and sometimes all we have is hope. You couldn't have know how long this would take. Please don't beat yourself up sweetie.

I'm sorry you hit your 4 year anniversary. I remember hittin 2 and spent the whole day crying painting my deck w my mom. Then 3 passed....3 1/2...and enough was enough...we hit the point where we had to try something else.

This timeline is different for everyone. Praying success for whatever you do next. ((hugs))
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  #7  
May 9th, 2013, 07:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,866
(((HUGS)))

It most definitely is NOT your fault! And I'm pretty sure we all count milestones, but I'm also pretty sure that none of us here are "normal" I really hope that you can start counting down to your baby soon, instead of counting up!
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New siggie coming soon!





Me: Autoimmune (Hashimotos and Fibromyalgia), vitamin D and calcium deficiency. Treated with Synthroid, supplements, TCM and acupuncture.

DH: Severe MFI (low counts, low motility, poor morphology and high antibodies), likely caused by poor liver function. Treated with Clomid to increase total counts.

DD: Conceived after 1 year of TTC with progesterone to correct LPD (likely caused by undiagnosed thyroid dysfunction). Born Aug 2009 via c/s after an induction due to pre-e and HELLP.

TTC #2 since Oct10 with an early loss in Aug 2011. Post-wash counts are too low for IUI to be successful, so moving on to IVF/ICSI in May 2014!

IVF/ICSI #1 (May 2014): Estrogen priming and antagonist protocol, including acupuncture and prayer!
17/05/14 - Baseline looks good, start Gonal-F 225iu and Luveris 75iu
28/05/14 - 18 eggs retrieved, 14 mature
29/05/14 - 13 fertilized!!! All are looking great still on day 3, so we're going to blast!
02/06/14 - Transferred one 1BC blast, with 3 other blasts and 3 morulas to watch and freeze
03/06/14 - All embryos have arrested. None to freeze
09/06/14 - Faint BFP at home at 7dp5dt!!!!!
10/06/14 - Beta?
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  #8  
May 9th, 2013, 08:15 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,751
Oh man! I am sorry you are feeling poopy! I think we all know the milestones and the exact times when we starting trying and count every failed cycle. I don't know why we do it but we all do.

Don't blame yourself - your a team and it's both of you together not just you. He isn't blaming you so you shouldn't blame yourself either.

This is the worst process ever and I am sorry any of us have to go through it.
swtneka, smsturner and *Leah* like this.
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #9  
May 9th, 2013, 08:33 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 879
I am so sorry that you hit this milestone. Sorry you are having a bad day. Maybe it can be a cookies and ice cream kinda day??


We all count the months and have the what its. Here's to hoping for your soon
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hope anchors the soul
your body hears everything your mind says ... stay positive
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  #10  
May 9th, 2013, 09:04 AM
*Whiskey*'s Avatar Moving on to adoption
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,740
It is not your fault! Not in any shape or form!!


And it is normal to mark the time. I think it's a coping mechanism. Of course I'm a nurse not a counselor.

Hang in there honey. I'm praying for your THB.
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Jen

"Worry is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere"
(easier in theory than practice!)
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  #11  
May 9th, 2013, 09:44 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North Texas
Posts: 17,678
We started March 3, 2008. Thanks to FF charts I know exactly when we started and I now officially hate Early March!

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner
*Leah* likes this.
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"I will make it through this because it is for her and for her, I will do anything. I am not brave, I am not strong, I am just Rhiannon’s mom". Our TTC/Adoption/Pregnancy Blog: Jump Over The Rainbow

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  #12  
May 9th, 2013, 09:51 AM
Frozenoj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: West Florida
Posts: 3,557
I actually have a ticker that says how long we've officially been trying, so I think it's normal to know how long it's been. At least I hope so or I'm really weird lol.

I'm so sorry it's taken so long for you. Try not to beat yourself up too much, though.
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Thanks Bokkechick for my wonderful siggy!
TTC Blog
10-21-12
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  #13  
May 9th, 2013, 09:59 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northwest Indiana
Posts: 829
((HUGS)) sweetie!!!!!!!!
smsturner likes this.
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Kristina (34) David (34)~Dealing with Severe MFI (Low T, Low TSH, Thyroid Cancer Survivor)
TTC#1 for 1 1/2 years~ DS, DJ (3) Conceived naturally using acupuncture and herbs
TTC #2 for 1 1/2 yrs~DH(3 mths on Clomid&Olive Leaf Extract)
Our 1st Clomid & TI cycle August 2013 -BFP on 9/08/13!!!!!!!!





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  #14  
May 9th, 2013, 10:08 AM
KMH KMH is offline
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,122
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Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (3), Abigail (1) and George (1)

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  #15  
May 9th, 2013, 05:40 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,592
I am hoping and praying that you will get your bfp and your rainbow baby. Sorry you are having a crummy day
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  #16  
May 9th, 2013, 05:52 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
totally understand girl. Like Lauren I hate March (threw out my bcp 3 years ago 2 months ago)...and still nothing.

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- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #17  
May 9th, 2013, 06:07 PM
cassthomas852's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 438
So sorry your feeling this way. It's not your fault at all. We tried for 6 years before we actually decided to see an RE. I know that doesn't make things better, but you can't predict the future. God throws all obstacles at us and knows what we can handle. Although it may be hard to understand, there's a reason why we wait to do things. I hope you have a better day and you get a BFP real soon!
__________________
~Cassandra~

Me- 32
DH - 35
TTC for over 6 years.

Jan 2013 - IVF #1
May 2013 - FET #1

6/7/13 - First ultrasound - Twins!
12/20/13 - Kayden and Caleb were born at 34 weeks!



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  #18  
May 9th, 2013, 09:00 PM
~~MeeMee~~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,666
smsturner likes this.
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BABY BOY due June 6

Me 40 DH 42 with an amazing 15yo DS
TTC #2 NTNP starting in 2009
actively TTC (BBT and OPKs) 2011
natural BFP Feb 2012, ending in mmc Apr with d&c in May
IVF Sep 2012, 4 eggs retrieved, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, but showed abnormal
growth, so not suitable for transfer
Nov 2012 IVF take 2 = 3 embryos, but due to concerns with lining unable to transfer
Jan 2013 endometrial biopsy = normal
Mar FET transferred 2 beautiful embryos, but unfortunately BFN
moving to donor eggs fall of 2013
Septemeber 30, 2013 - surprise BFP while waiting for DE
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  #19  
May 10th, 2013, 12:52 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 139
So Sorry. It has never been your fault. I believe u are miraculously getting ur BFP and having your rainbow babies very soon.

Hugs.
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  #20  
May 10th, 2013, 06:13 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Thank you ladies. You are so wonderful to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cassthomas852 View Post
God throws all obstacles at us and knows what we can handle.
Apparently he doesn't know me very well. I'm an atheist btw. I hate hearing that there is a god out there totally fine with having us all suffer, and is amused by some kind of mental stability test for me. In my opinion, one of the worst things you can say to an infertile. I'm surprised to see one of us saying it.
__________________
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (14), ds Marcus (12), Our new baby Dean





I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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