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DH and I have talked again about this ttc stuff. I am wanting to go back to adoption again because we really don't have the money to keep going back and forth to the doctors indefinitely. I am not really sure that I could stand to have another miscarriage again either. We started the adoption process a few years ago and then decided to give ttc another shot. Well we are deciding to finish the adoption process again and complete it this time no matter what. We are having to wait to see what happens next week because we are in the process of trying to take his ex's rights away from her for neglect, abuse, and tons of other stuff. I won't get into all of that unless you really want me to. We will be adopting through DSS so there will be hardly no cost to do this. I haven't completely given up hope but just don't think that we can keep going with ttc financially. If we get preggo then we are still going to have the baby that we get preggo with and still adopt. This time we aren't stopping once we start!! We really are ready to start a family together and this is a great opportunity.
What do all of you think about our decision?? I really would like to see all the opinions before we start this again. I want to be sure that we have covered all of the bases.
its a personal matter hun...its ur life and ur dh's and u have to finally decide whats best for u both..I'll pray for u that u'll decide what ever is right for u..
good luck hun...dont give up ttcing it will happen when its meant to be...i know its hard but we all know inside thats it will appen someday to us...u will have a baby of ur own soon...
take care...and good luck again in what u decide
Thanks for the support and kind thoughts everyone! I just hope that I am not forgetting to question anything that comes with adoption. I am just worried that I might not be thinking of everything and I want to make sure that I have contemplated everything that there is with this situation. If you ladies think of anything PLEASE PLEASE let me know. Thanks again!!
Well, I can really relate to this topic! And the only real answer to that is you have to follow your heart. In my experience, it will tell you where your child is.
Back when we were first TTC, we'd been at it for nearly a year and a half when we finally learned what our "issues" were. At that time, we were just NOT emotionally able to cope with all the medically invasive procedures that were about to greet us in the IVF option. For us, one thing stuck out in our mind: With IVF, or any other IF treatments, there was no guarantee. With adoption, there was no doubt, we would get to our child one way or another. Our VERY OWN child. So we put TTC aside and thought, maybe some day we'd revisit it, maybe not. We threw our hearts out there and began the process that led us to that adoreable little cowgirl you see in my signature. The entire process took us about 10 months (it was an international adoption), and it was the best thing we've ever done!! Now, it is a pregnancy and labor all in its own. There is research to be done, and much learning about the special issues that abandoned children deal with, but we went in prepared and have had a wonderful experience.
Later, when we were more financially ready we revisited the idea of more children and decided to try IVF--just one series of cycles-- just to kill that wonder from our hearts...and it worked. Had it not worked, we were prepared to adopt again (and who knows, maybe some day we will)
I have every feeling that this was how our family was supposed to be formed and we did the right thing. We'd have never found Lidia had we kept pouring our money into IF doctors... and probably would not have these boys on the way, either. My heart told me what was right for me.
Listen to your heart--and best of luck with this decision
I think you are making a great decision. My DH and I always said we would adopt if we could not have children of our own. What is nice about your case is that if in the future you have the funds to go back to TTC you can do it and not feel as stressed because you and your DH have a family started with a chid.
That is exactly how I feel about the adoption of a newborn baby. I feel as though there is a reason for everything that happens even though we may not know it at the time. Either way we will be starting our family together and giving a child what they need in return.
Either way we will be starting our family together and giving a child what they need in return.[/b]
Exactly. Parenting and being a mom has nothing to do with giving birth. Once you hold that child in your arms and start loving them---you can hardly remember what life was like without them. Can't even imagine a future life without them. So long as your heart is ready.
One thing I've noticed since adopting is I'm a little more sensitive when people say "couldn't have children of your own" and such. Lidia *IS* my own. I (and daddy) am up with her in the night, we kiss her owies and wipe her tears. We are all she knows. I thank my stars every day for the gift that her birthmother gave us.
We gave Lidia what she needed---but she gave us what we needed, too--a child of our own
Again, best wishes hun on such a big decision! *hugs*
I agree that it sounds like you have thought it through and adoption is the right thing for you. Personally we are seeking medical assistance, but I am not sure if we would go beyond IUI. I agree with what Crystalynn said that giving birth is not what makes you a parent, and it especially isn't what makes a good parent. You will make great parents and having been through everything that you have will make you appreciate every moment. With adoption there is a end to it and you get to have a baby when it's through.
i think its a wonderful idea. you deserve a baby and any child would be lucky to have you as a mom! I wouldnt waste anymore time either if i were you...Good luck with the courts and stuff, you know im here for you!!
i think its a wonderful idea. you deserve a baby and any child would be lucky to have you as a mom! I wouldnt waste anymore time either if i were you...Good luck with the courts and stuff, you know im here for you!![/b]
Thanks so much!! That means a lot to me. I am just honestly scared to death of what is going to happen with the adoption. The court stuff, I hope, will be over Tuesday but you never know. I'll PM you and let you know about the court stuff as soon as we get out of court on Tuesday.
I agree that it sounds like you have thought it through and adoption is the right thing for you. Personally we are seeking medical assistance, but I am not sure if we would go beyond IUI. I agree with what Crystalynn said that giving birth is not what makes you a parent, and it especially isn't what makes a good parent. You will make great parents and having been through everything that you have will make you appreciate every moment. With adoption there is a end to it and you get to have a baby when it's through.[/b]
I totally agree with you about being a parent. It takes more than giving birth to make someone a parent. You have to really put your heart into them. It doesn't matter to us whether or not our child has our blood running through its veins, it will still be our child no matter what. Thanks Leah!