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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
May 30th, 2007, 07:01 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 5,158
Firstly ladies, i want to thank you for being so supportive and giving me advice etc.

I still could not believe DB's 2nd story, so i told him as much last night.
I told him not to speak to me again intill he was going to tell me the truth.
Well he admitted he lied about both stories. The woman he used to work with, does NOT email
him daily and he only bumps into her now and again.
She NEVER placed a advert.
He has admitted that he browsed through the papers looking for a ad to respond to when i went away.
He said that he was fed up and just did it to see what she sounded like.
He says he never left a reply, and then called a different on 5 days later and never left a reply.
I find it hard to believe he would not leave a reply. Esp if he did it twice whilst i was away for a wk.
He also said that he loves me, but has not been 'in love' with me for mths.
He said he has been very unhappy for 6mths and that IVF is really not that major for him.
He was only going along with it for my 'sake' WTH?!
Right now i feel utterly destroyed. I will never know if he did meet these woman and even if he didnt
it speaks volumes as to why he called them ads in the first place.

I cannot stand this heartbreak after waiting so long to start IVF and the way i have stood by him.
He even let me book that holiday to Spain(canaries) last wk, knowing what he had done.

I truly think there is no going back from this. He has lied TWICE to my face and the trust has gone.

God help me please.

Sarah.
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  #2  
May 30th, 2007, 07:12 AM
KittyMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OMG Sarah, I am so sorry hun. What a blow to your heart to hear all of that. Can you get away for a bit? Maybe go stay with family so that you have time to be away from him while you decide what to do? My heart aches for you...before I met my husband I was in a relationship that ended up very similar and I remember that horrible ache in my stomach when I found out his heart wasn't in the same place mine was.

Whatever you decide know we are all here for you - vent, laugh, scream or cry anytime you need to.(((hugs)))
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  #3  
May 30th, 2007, 07:14 AM
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Sarah, I'm near speechless.

I don't blame you at all for not trusting him at this point, he has definitely betrayed you. The difficult decision now becomes to you feel there is something there to salvage and if so, are you both willing to put the work in it to do so?

I can tell you from experience, and I've been married for nearly 15 years, we have definitely had some dark days in our marriage, but at the end of the day, we've always come back to each other recognizing we've done wrong and agreeing to work together to get past it. All relationships go through rocky patches, it's how you come through them that build strong bonds. But you BOTH have to want it and you both need to be in love enough to make it want to work.

I know this is so hard for you right now, especially given that you have so been looking forward to IVF this summer. But somehow you have to try to seperate these two things in your mind (I know it will be hard). You can't let your desire to do IVF cloud your current thinking. The very last thing you need is to not deal with this situation properly and then end up in a right mess with him during IVF. It's a very strenuous time and to do it without a partner that is 100% supportive would be very hard.

Perhaps a little break from him right now to allow you both to re-evaluate the relationship may help. You both definitely have a lot of thinking to do.

I'm so sorry Sarah, this is just an awful thing to have to go through. You're strong though and whatever the outcome, you'll only be stronger for it.

I'm a PM away if you need anything at all.

*hugs*
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  #4  
May 30th, 2007, 07:41 AM
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I am so sorry to hear this. You are one of the ones that has been here a long time with me and I am so sorry to hear this news. What a decision to have in your hands. Do you think he would go to counseling? We all are here for you.
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IUI #1 - Nov 07 = BFN, IUI #2 - Dec 07 = BFN
IVF #1 - Apr 08 = BFN
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  #5  
May 30th, 2007, 07:42 AM
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Ow Sarah, I'm so sorry! I wish I was there to give you a hug right now!
I agree with the girls and possibly taking a break from him right now. I hope you are able to do that. It can help you clear your head of all thoughts and figure out what is best for you. Especially if you have lots of people telling you what you should be doing. Only you know what is right for you. No matter what we are all here for you even if you just want us to listen.
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  #6  
May 30th, 2007, 12:28 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh my! I'm sorry he's dumped this on you like that. The decisions you were making with him were very important to you and to now know that he hasn't been 100% behind you with this is quite heartbreaking. Maybe it's fear on his part, maybe it's feeling helpless, but he should have never done that to you!



I hope you know we are there for you. I agree, you should look into staying with someone for support while all this is going on. See if he is willing to try to go to counseling. Loosing trust is not an easy thing to gain back and he's got some work to do if he wants to try to work things out. You are a strong woman. Whatever you decide is best for you, he'll have to understand.
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  #7  
May 30th, 2007, 12:41 PM
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sarah i'm so sorry to hear about your DB. I don't really know what to say other then I do agree that as much as it sucks you don't want to go into IVF with someone who is not 100% behind it. I know it doesn't seem like it would be bad but it totally would and you wouldn't want your babies to be made out of anything but love. My heart aches for you right now I'm so sorry again.
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04/30/08been through all of our classes and home studies and waiting to look through the kid books for adoption !!!
starting IVF- decided against IVF
starting glucophage try I more IUI bfn
Starting adoption classes!! Finally getting the process started
IUI #3 BFN
1 laporoscopy, 1 mc, 6mo's of clomid, 3 mo's of injections and IUI's
countless blooddraws and ultrasounds. Hopefully a BFP soon!!
Kelly 29 and JD 29 adopting #1 (or maybe two)
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  #8  
May 30th, 2007, 01:41 PM
*Melissa*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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oh hun... This just plain sucks.... The girls have offered up some awesome advise though. Your top priority right now should be YOU... what is best for YOU. And right now I would have to agree that you need to take a break from him to let him know he cannot walk all over you like that. If he wants to seek counceling that is great, but his whole heart needs to be in it. I would also pray my heart out if I were you. God will hear you hun, and as much as you may be tempted to want to blame it all on him right now (not saying that you are) He is crying with you, and he wants to help you- so reach out to him hun. You know I will be praying for you.

Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will bring me safely through them. You will clench your fist against my angry enemies! Your power will save me.
-Psalms 138:7

The Lord is good. When trouble comes, he is the place to go! And he knows everyone who trusts him!
-Nahum 1:7

I wish I could be there right now to give you a big hug, and help ease the pain you are going through.. I am so sorry...
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  #9  
May 30th, 2007, 03:09 PM
~Sandy~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OMG Sarah, my heart hurts for you . I agree with Gillian that you should get away for a while. Don't make any decisions until you get past the anger cloud. I am so sorry he has done this to you, and I certainly hope everything works out for the best in the end for you. If you need me, my email is sandymalishchak@yahoo.com, you can email me anytime girl. (((hugs)))
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  #10  
May 30th, 2007, 04:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Sarah I can not offer up any good advise other than what the other gals have said. So, I just wanted to give you a big hug!!!!!!!!
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Missing our Angel: Aries Isaiah 09/06/05 Carried you for only 24wks1d but in Mommy's heart FOREVER

To my Aries:
The time we had with you was brief,
We had to say good-bye,
Now angels kiss your little face,
And sing your lullaby.

Someday again, we'll be with you,
To cherish all those things,
Until that day it helps to know,
You're safe in angels wings.





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  #11  
May 31st, 2007, 07:39 AM
aries2276's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sarah,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.As if TTC problems aren't enough.I'll keep you in my prayers.
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TTC #1 since Feb 2006
Apr 06 - m/c. Aug 06 to Jan 06 - TTC naturally.
Feb 07 to Nov 07 - 5 unsuccessful IUI's with injectibles,1 ectopic,1 Laproscopy.Lost left tube

IVF:
Jan 08 IVF # 1 - Ovulated Early. Converted to IUI -BFN
Mar 08 IVF # 2 - BFN

New RE:
May 08 - Clomid and IUI- BFP
Thank you Jesus for this miracle.

Our Precious baby born 5 Feb 09 @ 7:52pm. 7lb 8oz, 19 1/2"

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  #12  
May 31st, 2007, 12:26 PM
kticesk8s's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sarah, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you -- men always have the greatest timing. Let me know if you need anything.
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  • IVF #1: June '07 BFN
  • IVF #2: Oct '08 BFN
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