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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
June 5th, 2007, 07:17 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can't help but worry about this pregnancy. So far everything is good, but with everything I've been through, I can't help but worry this will all end early for me again.

I got all excited about this pregnancy. I still am and I'm optimistic. But it'll always be something in the back of my head that something may go wrong again. I hate that feeling. I wish I could just enjoy this moment of knowing there's a life growing inside of me. I am. I think of the future with this baby and how will I tell my family and go shopping for the registry items. But again, that little itch in the back of my head tells me that I should expect the usual. I don't like this dark gloomy cloud following me. I am under the sun, but the dark cloud is lingering behind me like a shadow.

Wow, I'm all dramatic now. I was even crying during ER (TV show) and even some of the happier shows like America's funniest animals. I suppose I should just enjoy the Pregnancy symptoms, and take it one day at a time. I don't know how I'll do that and be that happy person I always pictured I'd be. I supposed it's better to wish for that than to walk around all paranoid and gloomy.

I want this baby so badly. I want this one to be the one!
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  #2  
June 5th, 2007, 08:00 PM
hoping4littleone's Avatar Super Mommy
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I COMPLETELY understand what you are saying. I have experienced enough miscarriages - just as you have, and it's VERY difficult to think all is okay after going through that many. I would say after going through even one! Last time I was pg, I tried so hard to just relax, and I did after a certain point. My RE says he knows I will never be calm during a pg, and that is to be expected.

I know it's easier said than done, but hang in there, and know that with every uneventful day, you're one day closer to seeing your little bean
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  #3  
June 5th, 2007, 08:55 PM
Bebo's Avatar Veteran
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You know, I have not been pregnant and have not experienced a loss. So I cannot imagine how you ladies feel when you have suffered such a loss and are pregnant That must be so hard and you must have so many mixed emotions.

I pray, that you can have a little bit more peace, as each day passes with your pregnancy (((hugs)))
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  #4  
June 6th, 2007, 04:27 AM
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I'm right there with you Eliza, pg after losses is a very hard road. It's only been a little over 2 weeks since I found out about my BFP and they have been the longest 2 weeks of my life. I worry every day, but I also battle myself every day to push the worry aside and try to get some enjoyment.

I've had some bad cramping all along and then on Monday I had some spotting in the morning and I panicked. I called my RE and by the time one of the nurses called me back, I was already feeling better but I just starting bawling my eyes out when I was trying to explain to her what had happened. They ended up taking me in early for an u/s to give me peace of mind, which worked because they were able to see a h/b! But you know, I'm still nervous. Even after that u/s, this morning I had a little more brown spotting, so I'm still worried. I think I will feel a little better after the 8 week scan, but I'm sure there will always be some concern.

I can't think ahead at all... like names and thinking of shopping and a nursery, etc... I don't even go there. And I probably won't until I'm out of the 1st trimester. That's one of the ways I deal with it - one day at a time and that seems to help me.

Hang in there and stay as positive as you can. I really hope this is your sticky bean! *hugs*
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  #5  
June 6th, 2007, 06:39 AM
KittyMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so sorry hun. It is so not fair that during what should be a happy time you are struck with worry and fear (((hugs))). Having a loss so fresh in my memory I can feel your anxiety and stress resinating from you. Try and take each day as it comes and spend as much time as you can envisioning a happy and healthy baby growing inside of you.

And come and vent when it gets too mcuh, that's what we are here for.
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  #6  
June 6th, 2007, 07:48 AM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I try to remind myself to just take it one step at a time, but I'm one of those people that have a harder time not thinking about the future. But, don't worry about that. My worrying is quite minimal considering my past. I'm not overwhelmed with worry. The goals I've been aiming for are the next u/s. If I make it past 7 weeks right now is my main goal, but for now, I just want to make it to the first one.

There are days I don't feel pregnant, but I remember that being the case the last pregnancy while the baby was still strong. I try not to read into that much. So far I haven't spotted, but I have cramped a bit. Unfortunately when I cramp enough to stop and hold my belly, my dog Skye (the fluffy one) jumps into my stomach. ACK! Last thing I need done while I'm cramping and worrying. Silly girl. She doesn't understand yet that jumping up on me is a no no. She just gets so excited. I think she thinks I'm called her up with I put my hand on my belly. It's very close to the sign we use to call her up which is patting the knees then the middle of the chest below the neck. I can tell she's confused why I've been rejecting her when she wants me to give her attention, but she's like rubber, all's forgiven.

Meanwhile, at least this weekend should be easier. My cousin's baby shower is this Saturday. I will be able to make it. My mother will know by then but I still hope not to spill it to anyone else. They all know I am doing IVF, but I hope the baby shower will distract them enough from wanting to ask me questions about the results of the IVF. I'm not a good liar, so asking me questions like that means you'll probably get the true answer at some point. Usually the answer is written on my face. That's how my teacher at school figured it out. Everyone just decided to ask me the day I tested. You'd think I must have had the answer written on my forehead!

Oh well. Thanks for letting me babble. I've been doing that A LOT these days.
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  #7  
June 6th, 2007, 02:42 PM
Astrid's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Babbling is all good here. That is what we & this board are here for. I know exactly what you mean as I see myself being a super worry wart when we get pg again. There are no certainties after a loss & the innocence of pgcy have been taken away. Try to enjoy every second you have this child in you. Try to not let all the worrying ruin the fact that you are pg. I hope all goes well this weekend & no one really bugs you but I have a feeling everyone will want details about your experience. Be prepared!
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  #8  
June 6th, 2007, 07:36 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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One of the things that should probably make me feel worse makes me feel better. I have told people in my class and they are excited for me. It is just a little reminder that what I'm carrying is a something I should be happy about. It makes me excited to see others excited about something like this. So it's a nice way for me to stay out of the worrying and more focus on how wonderful it is to be pregnant.
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Eliza - Wife to husband, Jason. Mother to twin boys, Cameron and Kiefer (6-24-08)

I love my Peanut M&Ms Cameron & Kiefer!!Eliza's Blog
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  #9  
June 6th, 2007, 07:59 PM
Aidan's Mommy
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That's the right attitude, Eliza! Stay positive because I'm certain it makes a difference. I'm definitely a one day at a timer and so far so good - every day that passes is a milestone to me and a big success!

I'm sure rooting for you!
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