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Discipline?


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  #1  
September 21st, 2009, 07:34 PM
MamaAshley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 7,140
Can someone give me some ideas on disciplining my 4 y/o son. I'm at my wit's end with him. He's SO high-maintenance, needy, fussy, etc. He doesn't listen, and when I put him in a time out on his bed he goes nuts! He'll sream, kick, bite his hands, punch his pillow, etc. He for sure has anger issues. Also, if he doesn't get his way he gets SO mad. Like, beyond every-day typical mad, he punches the floor, rolls around and screams. I put him in a time-out, or send him up to daddy's office, and he gets so mad and later tells me "You hate me, you're so mean to me, you don't love me." Now, up until today his teacher said he's very well bahaved. No anger issues in school, he's in pre-school Tue/Thur. Today she did say he wasn't listening very well (surprise surprise!) and I made him come home and explain to me why he wasn't listening, why it's not nice, and he had to sit in his room. This scares me, I don't want school problems on top of his at-home problems. He honestly doesn't care about being "in trouble". He throws a fit, pays the price, and goes on his merry way and does the same thing 20 minutes later. It's definately taking a toll on his 3 y/o sister and 1 y/o brother, they have started throwing fits too, which they never used to, but monkey see monkey do. I kind of feel like his amount of anger and his rage while throwing his fits is beyond what is acceptable and normal.
Now as I'm typing this he is playing at my feet with his cars and being a sweet loving boy, so he's not all "bad". But I do feel like lately we're having more bad times than good, and that upsets me and scares me. My mom went shopping all day with us last week and she was ready to kill him by the end of the day, and made the comment "Ash, you need to get him checked out b/c he's out of control That is not normal!!!" Because of this I'm slowly losing control of the two younger ones, they feed off of him. Can someone give me some ideas of what to do. He doesn't care if we take away toys, time-outs seem to do nothing. I gave up on spanking b/c I would pretty much need to beat him for him to care, and that's of course not an option. Ideas? Advice? I feel like a terrible mother that I look forward to the day's he's at school.
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Ashley, pre-RN student, birth doula and busy SAHM to Brianne 6, Colin 5, Kylie 4,
Bryson 2,and our lil man Noah Alexander turns one year on 7/5/10!

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  #2  
September 22nd, 2009, 04:48 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
Sorry that you are going through that

I don't have a lot of advice for you on that front since I think you have honestly tried everything you can at this point. My only suggestion is speaking to your family doctor about it and possibly getting a referral for a children's therapist. I know that sounds harsh, but maybe there is something on his mind that is bringing all this new anger, something must have triggered it whether it be something physical or even medical.
I would assume the little guy doesn't 'know why' he acts out in that manner if you tried talking to him. It may be that he just 'gets so angry' that he flies off the handle. It's possible that there might even be something he is afraid to talk about, or perhaps will not talk to his parents about - hence a 3rd party involvement.
As for the younger ones following his behaviour - be firm with them that it's unacceptable and the older child will be getting help for how he is feeling/behaving, that they need to try to not act out like the oldest and be themselves (or something along those lines).

All the best to you
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  #3  
September 22nd, 2009, 06:42 AM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Smalltown, USA
Posts: 7,276
I hope you don't mind me asking but do his fits eventually get him what he wants? I only ask because you said the siblings are starting to follow in his footsteps and thats usually what happens when they think they've found a way to defeat the parents.
My oldest was similar to this. She was an only child for 5 yrs and walked all over me. If she didn't get EXACTLY what she wanted when she wanted it her fits would continue to escalate until I was completely at my whits end (which for some children can be considered a victory).
Changing her habits took a LONG time for me but I had to remain calm and consistent. At one time we took EVERYTHING but her bed and clothes out of her room and bagged it up and put it in the garage. She had to earn it back w/ good behavior (no exceptions). She pitched a fit (I mean a HUGE fit) but eventually got on board and did great.
Hang in there Momma! It doesn't last forever.
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  #4  
September 22nd, 2009, 07:18 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Somewhere near Detroit, MI
Posts: 8,673
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Elijaah used to be like that. Whew...everyone was trying to tell me he needed meds...I am NOT going there.
I finally figured out it was less about discipline and more about he just needed more time with me, to be reassured that I loved him, and just some hugs and hang out time with me. Now his cooperation is sooooo much better. He is very less angry and aggressive too. He listens much better and is much easier to deal with.

It also helped him to be considered a "big kid" and get some responsibilities (chores) and some allowance.

Now when he gets upset or angry we talk about it and I really listen to him, he helps pick out his "punishment" if there is one necessary. I think he kinda felt outta control and now he feels like he has some control.

Of course Elijaah is older, he's 10 now.
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