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OT: Vent, friend living with us and taking complete advantage X POSTED


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  #1  
December 12th, 2009, 04:43 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is a really sad thing for me because she was my only 'real' friend since moving up North.

Well, so I thought but learned wrong.


Ok, so she got evicted from her home (her fault I found out later on because of her spending sprees, and a combo of her estranged dh's drinking) with her three kids, ages 11,2.5, and 6 months.

I am now pregnant with my 6th and my home is not exactly big but I made room for them since they had nowhere to go. All the shelters are full that are not in bad neighborhoods and I just did not want her and the kids out in the cold. Her estranged dh lives with his mother who wants nothing to do with them so I took them in. Her sister does not want them there and her mom lives out of state and one of her 'baby daddy' would pursue kidnapping charges if she left the state.

So, this is what's going on. At first, it was great. We had fun just hanging out and being able to talk. Two months later, I am ready to beat the living crap out of her and her two older brats. In the two months time, I have only recieved 65 in cash from her and 15 dollars she put in the gas tank one day,yet, she goes out for hours shopping and takes her kids out to eat yet, still comes home and eats our food. She has managed to tear up our yard driving through the grass during the wet weather , her 11 year old son has broken three different things in our home, all of which she has never replaced but only made excuses like 'You need stronger curtain rods' after he knocked down our curtains, denied it when he broke my daugther's hair straightener 'my son would admit to breaking that' and my 2.5 year old epileptic daughter had a therapy ball her son popped which she promised to replace but did not. Her excuse 'YOU can buy one at any sporting good store'.

Her 2.5 year old dd has cussed me out numerous times, favorite thing to call me is an ***** b$%^& and she just says 'She heard your teenage son say it before'. So she makes excuses for her there.
She buliies my epileptic 2.5 yo dd all the time, has kicked her while wearing boots nd good old mommy will just say 'Now honey we don't do that, give me a hug' but if my little girl fights back or dh and I try to correct her, she gets pissed and says it's not our right.

She sleeps in my daughter's room and will let her baby and the other brat cry for hours, but when my girls get up and get ready for school, she yells at them for making too much noise. She b/f's but has NO modesty and will let it all hang out, no matter who is around and will go two weeks at a time without showering and smells so bad I have to plug my nose. So, one day, nice girl Wendy had enough and I confronted her with it all. This was after I asked nicely for some money as my dh's hours at work were cut back severely and she made the lame excuse that her card was too beat up to use anywhere, yet she was able to go out to eat?

Her responses to her son's breaking htings is listed above but what pissed me off beyond belief was when I got on her about not paying me she said 'WHat do you expect me to support your family'? I then completely lost it, so bad I had to sit on my couch with contractions and yelled to her 'BUT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY'? She went with her sister for the weekened but her sister mailed me and said she could not stay.

Oh, a nice little footnote to add is that she is like a couple weeks pregnant (a result of her one night with her supposedly abusive husband) and I know she did it to outstage me because every ache and pain of pregnancy I mentioned, she would say how her pregnancies were ten times worse and whenever she went with me to my u/s's, she would ask the u/s tech stupid *** questions like 'Can you get pg on the pill' and when I go for NST's, she always asks if I tell this one nurse she knows that she's pg too. She also tries to say she's having the same aches and pains I am at 9 months at her 1 month.I hate her for it.

Lastly, she is a religious zealout (I am all for God, but not for shoving relgion down ppl's throats) and told my 12 yo ds she was doing us the favor ebing here because God sent her here on a mission to teach US the rigth way, LOL. She owns several Tiffanie lamps and other htings of alot of monetary value, yet lives the way she does?

I guess the question is, will I be an awful person if I don't let her back into my home and they have nowhere to go? I just can't take much more of this but I don't want to put people to the streets.

Sorry so long but I am seething right now! __________________
Wendy, wife to Tony
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  #2  
December 12th, 2009, 04:53 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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Wow.

I know this is going to sound harsh to many, but she needs to find her own place with her kids, period.
You've done your best by her & the kids and it's time to stop. You're being taken advantage of and she uses obvious guilt (whether she verbally states it or not) to keep your family in the whirlwind of hell.

You and your family deserve your own life and it's time for her to go. They WILL find her emergency shelter, period. It's no longer your families responsibility to care for them and no matter how difficult it will be, they need to move on.

You will need to be firm and tell her she needs to find alternate accommodations within the next X amount of time and if she does not, you will be forced to have the police remove her from your home (which you can have done). Tell her that your family needs their home back to themselves and she has had ample time to make alternate arrangements at this point, Christmas or not!

Be firm and stick by it.
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  #3  
December 12th, 2009, 06:18 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with Kraze. It may not be as easy as just telling the police to make her leave. If she comes back, which hopefully she just won't, and you let her in, you may have to take eviction procedures to get her out legally. She lives there, maybe gets mail there, has given you money. You can't just kick her out. You can try, and hopefully she will go, but if she doesn't want to, you can have the makings of a bad made for tv movie right there.
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  #4  
December 12th, 2009, 06:37 PM
shari626's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with Farmerswife and Kraze. It's a bad time of year, but you need to think of your health, your baby's health, and the well being of your family! She is clearly taking advantage of you, and it's time to end it. It's easier for me to say it to you, than for you to actually do it. It probably won't be easy ~ but hopefully she will see that you are serious.

Good luck with this situation, it's a tough one.
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  #5  
December 12th, 2009, 06:38 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by farmerswife View Post
I agree with Kraze. It may not be as easy as just telling the police to make her leave. If she comes back, which hopefully she just won't, and you let her in, you may have to take eviction procedures to get her out legally. She lives there, maybe gets mail there, has given you money. You can't just kick her out. You can try, and hopefully she will go, but if she doesn't want to, you can have the makings of a bad made for tv movie right there.
Oh snap that does not sound fun!

Well, no mail here and she has paid my only maybe a total of 60 dollars in two months. Do you think that would make a diff?
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  #6  
December 12th, 2009, 07:27 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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As far as I am aware after the fun BS I dealt with when my ex & I split - it's your home, there is no legally binding agreement that states she will pay you X amount of money in return for a place to live - you took her in when she had no place to go in hopes that she could get back on her feet (so to speak), there would be no eviction process.
Regardless of collecting some sort of money from her, what pitiful amount it was, it's your house and they are basically visitors/freeloaders, you can have her removed from the home if she refuses to leave.
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  #7  
December 12th, 2009, 08:42 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Kick her booty to the curb! There's nothing that says she has rights to your house (the two of you don't have any sort of written agreement, right?).
The thing that stands out most to me is that she is probably very capable of taking care of herself and her kids (expensive things, shopping all the time, eating out) she just doesn't want too and no one has made her.
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  #8  
December 13th, 2009, 08:07 AM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Nope, no written agreements whatsoever!

And yes Momtothe5thpower, I have told her many times if she has money to do all that stuff she does, shopping and eating out, she can save for a home!

She also has a 1500 dollar camera and Tiffanie lamps but feels she should not have to give them up.

So far, she has not come back but alot of her stuff is here so who knows.
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  #9  
December 13th, 2009, 09:18 AM
kassia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Kick them out!! It's YOUR home and she either lives by your homes rules which includes paying for living expenses or they LEAVE PERIOD!!
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  #10  
December 13th, 2009, 09:50 AM
MotherFrog's Avatar lost in la la land
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If she's not there, pack up her things nicely and tell her she has a certain amount of time to come and get them, if she doesn't come by the specified time, tell her you are putting all her things on the curb.

Do NOT let her back in.
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  #11  
December 13th, 2009, 09:51 AM
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I would not hesitate to set her things out and never let her step foot in again. If there's no written agreement, I don't really think there's anything she can do.

I had an opposite problem a few years ago: I was the one staying with some friends b/c their car broke down and I stayed there so we could all share mine b/c they couldn't afford to fix theirs (it was the engine). I started paying the phone bill, buying lots of the groceries (I was there for three months and spent over 600 on groceries in that time-which is much more than I'd have spent for myself and my kids), I babysat, I got her a job at my place of employment, etc. I'd buy things for my kids' lunches, and her kids would eat it and she would not replace it... grrrrrr... They never even put gas in my car, helped with the new tires (her husband worked 50 miles away, and had to be dropped off AND picked up every day) nothing! I loaned them 600 dollars to pay off two of those payday loans. They were supposed to make payments to me on those. I never saw a penny. It was horrible.

After I left, they told people that I took advantage of them! Be prepared for this person to smear you... that's all I'm sayin'. These two tried it, but I had receipts and canceled checks to show people, and believe me-I showed people. They STOLE 600 dollars of the money that should have been used for my children, but I let them "borrow it." I should have taken them to court... Anyway-be prepared for her to try to make you look bad...

Sadly, people like that don't change. They just switch victims.
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  #12  
December 13th, 2009, 10:20 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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Take pictures, box up her things nicely and take more pictures, then if (when) she claims you damaged her things or there are things missing, you have the pictures to prove it.

Good riddance I'd say
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  #13  
December 13th, 2009, 01:33 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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After I left, they told people that I took advantage of them! Be prepared for this person to smear you... that's all I'm sayin'. These two tried it, but I had receipts and canceled checks to show people, and believe me-I showed people. They STOLE 600 dollars of the money that should have been used for my children, but I let them "borrow it." I should have taken them to court... Anyway-be prepared for her to try to make you look bad...

Sadly, people like that don't change. They just switch victims.[/QUOTE]

Oh, I have no doubt we are getting smeared everywhere!

She did that to the landlord that kicked them out. She couldn't pay her landlord and got months behind on the rent and when the landlord saw her out on a shopping spree, (cart FULL of stuff at Target) she kicked into this 'How dare them get mad at me for shopping' mentality.

When her wireless service cut her off for non-payment, guess who was the victim?
Nope could not have possibly been HER fault!

And this is the same person who goes around 'preaching the gospel' no, I mean beating people over the head with it. WHat the heck did I get myself into
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  #14  
December 13th, 2009, 03:00 PM
MotherFrog's Avatar lost in la la land
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YOU didn't do anything wrong.
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  #15  
December 13th, 2009, 07:22 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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She's still not back!!!! Woo hoo!

My 14 yo dd, whose a highschool freshman, just brought to my attention that she was out here online working on a project for school one night last week, when houseguestfromhell's 11 yo son demanded she get off and let him get on his Facebook! Ummm, wth?

Well, houseguestfromhell backed up her little darling's request but good thing my daughter did not relent. Wow-good thing I was not out here!

The b-word has some audacity, wow.

I was in bed when this happenend.
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  #16  
December 14th, 2009, 07:44 AM
LuvRBx5's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That is a MESS... I mean it's one to extend some help so she could look for another place, but that is way too long! Even if she was helping out more, which she isn't.

She needs to grow up and take care of herself and her family!!

I mean people run into hard times everyday, and it's great when you have someone who is nice enough to help you in a jam, but she was just taking it for all it was worth!

Once you get rid of her and her stuff... I would CUT TIES!!
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  #17  
December 14th, 2009, 08:22 AM
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I had a terrible house guest once and used the excuse that with the baby coming I really needed more room not less, and I had to put my family first.

GL!!!! She sounds TERRIBLE.
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