Log In Sign Up

Advice


Forum: Large Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Large Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 29th, 2009, 04:19 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,213
Send a message via Yahoo to MamaJessie
Sometimes I find my oldest daughter very difficult. She's ten and has gone from eye rolling to shouting at me. Now as much as she sounds like a monster, she is also the one that always helps out with the baby, loves cooking for people, always wants to hug us, love us.... It's just this attitude. I want her to be able to express herself and a little eye rolling never hurt anyone IMO, but now we have transcended that, big time. She talks back A LOT now. A LOT. Not just me, my sisters, my mom, DH...

What punishment do you give a ten year old? She could care less about no TV, no Wii, no computer.... I am just so frustrated with her today.

Thanks
__________________
Jessica , Wife to Rich
Mom to DD - 16 DS - 12 DD - 8 DD - 6




Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 29th, 2009, 07:03 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
Place a chair in the corner and say to her "see that chair.... see that corner... enjoy"

The wall is the only object that will willingly accept her verbal abuse, and until she can act her age and not her shoe size and treat adults respectfully, she can talk to the wall all she wants - every inch of lip she spouts is X amount of time in the corner.

I have no level of acceptance for back-talking or being disrespectful from my kids and if 'regular' punishment is not working (I am a non-spanking parent) than they can talk to the wall.

When my daughter went through a bedroom door slamming phase, that was dealt with by removing her door. She got a curtain on a string across her doorway to maintain her privacy, but no door until I felt that she got the picture fully (2 weeks) and replaced the door.
There isn't an ounce of door slamming in my house, that's for sure
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~

Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 29th, 2009, 07:34 PM
MotherFrog's Avatar lost in la la land
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: lost in Iowa
Posts: 6,537
Take away her cooking privileges! Find out all the things she likes and take them away one at a time. One punishment I hated, we had to write 5 page essays on why our behavior was unacceptable. No fun stuff for her.

eye rolling = a time out in the corner for 15 minutes and have her..... clean out a closet or something.
shouting = a load of laundry! from collecting it, washing it, drying, folding, and putting away.
__________________
IN NEED OF A NEW SIGGY

Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 29th, 2009, 07:42 PM
kassia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 12,631
We have been making our 11 yr old talk to the wall and tell it how much she loves it.....out loud. The other thing I decided on today which worked rather well was the threat of washing her mouth out with soap
__________________
Mel
Mom of
Sam 13, Hannah 11, Gabriel 7, Emma 6 and Brayden 2

Reply With Quote
  #5  
December 29th, 2009, 08:05 PM
MotherFrog's Avatar lost in la la land
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: lost in Iowa
Posts: 6,537
Quote:
Originally Posted by kassia View Post
We have been making our 11 yr old talk to the wall and tell it how much she loves it.....out loud.
I LOVE it! lol
__________________
IN NEED OF A NEW SIGGY

Reply With Quote
  #6  
December 29th, 2009, 08:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,572
Sit her down and write a contract with her. It will list actions and their punishments. Then have her sign it and hang up somewhere. Mil says this worked for dh and his mouth. My kids get things taken away and when they talk nasty to one of their siblings, that sibling gets to assign a chore for "The Mouth". You could also ask for her help by writing chores down on a piece of paper but don't tell her what you are doing. Then cut them up into little pieces, fold them, and put them in a jar. Then look at her and say, "See that jar, the next time you are disrespectful, you get to choose a chore."

Sorry, that's a rough stage to go through but you'll get through it.
__________________
Ashlee
DS-19, DD-16, DD-13, DD-11, DS-9, DD-6, DS-6, DD-5, and DD-2,
and DD-1

Reply With Quote
  #7  
December 29th, 2009, 08:42 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 23,763
Back talk/screaming in my house = Cheyenne pepper on your tongue. Better than soap because it's meant to be eaten. We've only had to use it a handful of times.

I would stop the eye rolling right away because to her it says some amount of disrespect is okay. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. It's what kids do.

Something else that helps my older kids see things my way is extra chores. Acting disrespectful means more work.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #8  
December 30th, 2009, 05:59 AM
estynsmom's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 216
i know i'm not part of your group, but i come from a big family, i am the 4th of 6 kids. I'm not a super expert on it, but have you tried talking to her about why she is lashing out. i went through really bad seperation anxiety with my son and instead of lashing out when i left him at daycare he would only do it with me and hurt himself. when i talked to a doctor about it, they said the reason it was only with me was because that's where he felt safe. maybe, your girl is having trouble with other kids at school or with friends and just doesn't know how to talk to anyone about it or doesn't have anyone to talk to about it, and is lashing out at you guys becuase she feels safe enough to. maybe talk to her. i know that even now there are many times that i wish my mom would have just talked to me, rather than just punished me. when you are one of so many, it's hard to know where your place is some times.

sorry if i'm out of line, or if i over stepped anything. like i said i know i'm not really part of this group.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
December 30th, 2009, 07:17 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,213
Send a message via Yahoo to MamaJessie
Quote:
Originally Posted by estynsmom View Post
i know i'm not part of your group, but i come from a big family, i am the 4th of 6 kids. I'm not a super expert on it, but have you tried talking to her about why she is lashing out. i went through really bad seperation anxiety with my son and instead of lashing out when i left him at daycare he would only do it with me and hurt himself. when i talked to a doctor about it, they said the reason it was only with me was because that's where he felt safe. maybe, your girl is having trouble with other kids at school or with friends and just doesn't know how to talk to anyone about it or doesn't have anyone to talk to about it, and is lashing out at you guys becuase she feels safe enough to. maybe talk to her. i know that even now there are many times that i wish my mom would have just talked to me, rather than just punished me. when you are one of so many, it's hard to know where your place is some times.

sorry if i'm out of line, or if i over stepped anything. like i said i know i'm not really part of this group.
Thanks for the advice. It's nice to hear from the prospective of one of the children from a large family.

Ladies, thanks for all the advice. I think I am going to go over your advice with her actually, and we can talk about a list of her punishments per offense.

Mel - you made me laugh out loud, seriously. I love the thought of her professing her love to the wall. Ha!!
__________________
Jessica , Wife to Rich
Mom to DD - 16 DS - 12 DD - 8 DD - 6




Reply With Quote
  #10  
December 30th, 2009, 08:10 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Smalltown, USA
Posts: 8,418
My former assisant administrator at the det. center told me once that kids start the change at the age 10 (and then they go crazy at 15 ). My daughter changed, but she just started acting like a girl instead of a tomboy.

We always did behavioral modification contracts w/ our "buttonpushers". Which basically means we sat down and addressed the specific issue, agreed to an appropriate consequence, and agreed to an appropriate reward. It worked 95% of the time but I always felt like it was because there was no emotion involved. They weren't my kids so I didn't get hurt or have a huge reaction when they rolled their eyes at me or told me I was stupid (or worse), I just simply told them they broke their contract and they owed me a consequence.

Whatever you decide to do, I would try to keep it simple.
__________________
Cortney...mom to A, C, E, L, I, and R


When I'm Due...


When I think this baby will actually come out

Reply With Quote
  #11  
December 31st, 2009, 04:55 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,213
Send a message via Yahoo to MamaJessie
We made a contract yesterday and had a great day. I know it can't be THAT easy but it's certainly a step in a great direction.

Oh and having her read the responses really worked well for us. She always shouts at me that I am unfair and mean and no one else gives their kids times out, etc. So seeing that other kids DO have consequences was great for her.

Thanks again!!!
__________________
Jessica , Wife to Rich
Mom to DD - 16 DS - 12 DD - 8 DD - 6




Reply With Quote
  #12  
December 31st, 2009, 05:35 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
Bonus! I hope things get better for you both and you get back (most) of your child... of course the teen years are right around the corner.........

I've also learned to pick my battles with my daughter, with her, there is the whole PMS thing and she is very easily reduced to tears immediately before AF arrives, depending on how hormonal she is, I could say 'boo' and she's off on a tangent.. eeeek.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~

Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:19 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0