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I agree with Farmer'sWife, don't sell yourself short. As long as you are breathing there is someone out there somewhere that wants you.
I won't get the tubal, I just can't bring myself to do that. When I was pregnant with Ivy I was SO sure. Glad I changed my mind before I had it done.
But DH is going to have a vasectomy, I can't talk him out of it. He's certain we won't be lead to have any more children. So I've told him to pray that I'll eventually have peace with it, because it bothers me very badly right now.
He's 100% right. He will be 60 when Ivy is 18 and graduates high school. Who wants to be OVER 60 and still raising children? God has blessed us with 4 wonderful kids, and I wouldn't want to push my luck and be selfish.
Still, it weighs pretty heavy on me to know my child bearing years are behind me. I'm sure I'll go through this feeling again when the last kid moves out and my child raising years are entirely behind me. I'll probably become a crazy cat lady, hoarding animals to occupy my poor little mind with something to care for and look after.
I used to wonder the same thing. I am currently pregnant with #6 and DH and I both agree this will be our last. With all my other pregnancies I didn't feel done. People would say I would know when our family was complete but I didn't think it would happen to me. We've come to a point in our family where we are excited to know this is the last newborn and we can move forward together and enjoy our completed family. I am sure there will be times when I miss being pregnant but I know in my heart this is our last little one.
I hope you are able to come to a decision that you and your DH are both at peace with.
Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)