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  #1  
April 26th, 2010, 09:25 PM
klskills's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Utah
Posts: 68
decide to have a large family?

DH and I have 4 children so far, and we're still fairly young. (He's 30, I'm 27.) We have 1 girl (oldest), 3 boys. Ages 6, 5, almost 3, and 18 mos. I never thought I'd want a large family.. and right now I don't consider our family large. I came from a family of 3. Dh is the oldest of 6.

When we started having kids, we both agreed 4 was a good number. Now that they're here.. it doesn't feel like we're done yet.

Currently we live in my parent's basement while hubby finishes school. We are planning on being able to buy our own (modest) house in about a year. I have home births, my last one was in this basement. My mom has made it clear that I'm not welcome to have another baby here and she also thinks we should definitely be done. She doesn't know that we're considering having any more. So, we're planning on waiting until we move to even think about having more kids.

My heart fills with such love and joy when I think about having more children, but then my mind gets cluttered with worries about money, time, patience, etc, etc, etc.

How did you decide??

-Katie
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  #2  
April 26th, 2010, 10:40 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,158
complete and utter luck; I had 1 bio child, became infertile, and ended up adopting three bio siblings-luck
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  #3  
April 27th, 2010, 05:34 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am just bad on deciding what type of BC to use. LOL
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  #4  
April 27th, 2010, 06:40 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,951
OK, you two are no help.

Except for living in my parents basement, we were very much like you. We had one, liked her, kept going. When I had 2, I knew we weren't done, I could not imagine even being half done. 3 was awesome! 4 just fit right in. Now we are expecting #8. Each one is a welcome new member of the family.

I will say you are right to abide by your mother's wishes while you are living in her house. Which is why I like to recommend a 250 mile buffer between you and unpleasant family relationships. Once you have your own place, which I would recommend as soon as possible, it is no longer her business.

I will admit to having mild panic attacks every couple of years if I dwell on the enormity of what we have done, but my husband very easily brings me back to we are all healthy, fed, clothed, and housed today. That is all we are promised and that is all we need. Do not let fear drive your decision making. It really is just one day at a time.

But get out of your mother's house. That is a bondage you do not want!
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  #5  
April 27th, 2010, 06:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
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We just haven't figured out what causes it yet


DH is the oldest of 4 kids and he LOVED having so many siblings. For me it was only me and my younger brother and I always wished I had had more siblings. So we decided that we wanted to have a bigger family where our kids would have brothers and sisters to keep them occupied lol. We're hoping this one is a girl so then we'll have 2 boys and 2 girls, but no matter what, we're done.
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  #6  
April 27th, 2010, 06:58 AM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Smalltown, USA
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It didn't really become a plan until I decided I wanted a 5th. I always wanted 3 but #4 surprised us. Once he was here it was like "Hey, after 3 this stuff is super easy!" And, like you, I just didn't see myself being done.
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  #7  
April 27th, 2010, 06:59 AM
GiftsfromGod's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
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I am the oldest of 7 kids and my siblings and I are all super close friends so that helped to contribute to our decision.

The main reason is because kids are such special blessings from God and it makes me so sad to hear so many of my friends talking about how they wish they could have more than 2 but they just can't afford them, have space for them, etc I know that I would forever regret not allowing God to bless our family with many children. For me personally I'll choose to sacrifice a lot in order to be able to afford a large family. I'd choose a child over wearing designer clothes, going out to eat, living in a big fancy house ect. My kids are worth so much more than all of those material things that so many people in our society place such a high value on. I've often heard it said that you may regret not having another child but will rarely (if ever) regret having another one.

I also agree with FW do what it takes to move out of your parents house as that will ultimately add a lot of extra stress and negativity to your life.
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Last edited by GiftsfromGod; April 27th, 2010 at 07:14 AM.
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  #8  
April 27th, 2010, 07:00 AM
~mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with getting out asap.

I only wanted one girl when I was growing up. Surprise #2 (ds1) came along. I knew I didn't want 2 so 3 came along. Didn't want a "middle child" so along came #4. Thought MAYbe we were done, along came #5. Now were not sure whether we're done or not......We'll see.
I am almost 37 though so our days are numbered.
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  #9  
April 27th, 2010, 08:26 AM
babydahl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't really know what made us decide to have one! DH has 4 kids in his family, though they are VERY spread out and not close at all. I think he liked the idea of a big family and liked the odd time every was together for holidays etc...

I'm only from a family of 2 kids but love kids (which is good since I'm an elementary teacher!) Over the years we kind of just decided we'd have at least 3 kids and now we think that 4 is our final.
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  #10  
April 27th, 2010, 11:18 AM
Kristina's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It was a gradual thing first dh and I had decided on 4 then after she came we decided to stop once we hit 30 we are now 32 and pg with #8 are we done IDK it depends on how I feel, after the others I knew that there was another soul out there who wanted me to be their mommy I'm waiting to feel done kwim, I have never heard of someone regretting a child that they had just the ones that they didn't, I don't want that regret.

I would wait until I moved out to have another baby in your situation, how does your dh feel about it?
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  #11  
April 27th, 2010, 11:33 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
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I don't know if we actually ever decided.

Wayyyyy back when we both agreed that we thought we wanted a bunch, 4 maybe 5. And thankfully, things went the way we wanted them to go, so here we are.

I remember dh's brother (who has one child) asking us if we didn't worry about finances, but it's really never been issue if we could "afford" another child. I think we'd still manage financially with more kids, but I am happy with my 5.
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  #12  
April 27th, 2010, 06:41 PM
Mommy to Many
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 205
We never planned our family, we just let God plan it for us. We thought we were done after 3 and then had our baby girl who was a surprise. That was a very difficult pregnancy and we knew as far as having another biological child we were done. Adoption has always in the cards though; especially medically fragile children in limbo in the foster care system. We have 8 (4 are foster children, 3 are "medically fragile") right now and we don't feel complete. There is a set of twins that are in NICU we may get in a few weeks. I hope we get them!! We'll end up with 3 under 2 and that requires a variance so we may not... Not to get sidetracked, we might be done at 10 although we've had up to 12 at one time and although it was crowded and hectic, it was very *nice*.
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  #13  
April 28th, 2010, 06:28 AM
klskills's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Utah
Posts: 68
Thanks, everyone, for your comments. DH and I definitely agree that we should wait until we have our own place. It will be very freeing when I can do what I want and don't feel like I'm 14 again.

It was so great to read your stories. The one thing that stood out to me is that I will never regret having more kids, but I will regret not having more if I want to. That is so true. I have many friends that are done, and have made medical changes to ensure they're done, but still say they wish they had more kids.

Also, it's so true that finances will just work themselves out. I guess with food and everything it will just mean I will have less leftovers that no one will eat anyway! haha

I'm really going to enjoy being part of this board. Thanks so much.
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