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Would this make you mad


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  #1  
May 3rd, 2010, 07:34 AM
kassia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had a little cash in my purse, I don't normally ever carry cash but I had a little due to paying a sitter etc. This morning my dh comes in the living room with out saying a word to me, goes through my purse and takes the cash. Still not saying anything to me not even a "good morning"

I blew up at him over it big time and am still angry. I feel violated that he went through my purse and took it with out asking or telling me he needed it. We are not a couple who doesn't communicate and to try and keep finances on track we always tell each other what we are spending. All he would have needed to say was "hey need some cash, going to take yours" and I would have been fine. When I blew up at him I was told by him that I was overreacting and he shouldn't have to ask or let me know he is going through my purse.

Personally I think the head cold he has gave him a case of stupid too....so my question is.

Would you be upset by your so going through your purse and taking something with out asking?
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  #2  
May 3rd, 2010, 08:14 AM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I definitely would have said something if he did it in front of me. Something like "Ummm...if you need a purse I've got a spare" or "Ya know there's tampons in there right?" and watch him jump back like he has just been bit by a snake .
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  #3  
May 3rd, 2010, 09:39 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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Thankfully my SO would never, ever go through my purse. Even when he has asked if I have spare bus tickets (I sometimes have some kicking around from buying them here & there for the teens) and even if I tell him to go get some from my purse he will not; he'll bring my purse to me instead.
Same goes for his wallet, I will not go in there (but he carries his cash in his front pocket anyway, and I go in there all the time to put everything on his desk to do laundry.. quite different IMO (plus I have blanket permission to do so since sometimes he forgets to empty his pockets)).

I would be very angry if it was done in the manner that your dh did it. Married or not, everyone should have their own privacy in some way or another, and rummaging in a woman's purse without acknowledging, asking permission or anything is wrong (to me); others could very well see that as differently (in the 'what do you have to hide from your spouse kind of sense), but it's not about having anything to hide, it's about having a right to some things being private and/or off-limits... you know, like trying to have a poo and your spouse walking into the bathroom... don't do it!
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  #4  
May 3rd, 2010, 09:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KrazE View Post
others could very well see that as differently (in the 'what do you have to hide from your spouse kind of sense), but it's not about having anything to hide, it's about having a right to some things being private and/or off-limits... you know, like trying to have a poo and your spouse walking into the bathroom... don't do it!
My DH DOES walk in the bathroom on me.. doesn't knock or anything and will actually undo the lock if I have it locked (not hard just turn the outside part lol).. and just walks right in even though we have 2 bathrooms... drives me NUTS!! I can only guess that he does this because he has no problem leaving the bathroom door WIDE open while he's going.. like we all want to see that

My DH will get in my purse, but he always asks me first and he would NEVER go in there and just take money out... he's asked if I have any money on me that he could have, but never just gone and grabbed money that was in there. I'd be very VERY angry if he did that and trust me.. he'd NEVER do it again! I agree with the privacy thing.. it's not about hiding anything, sometimes you just need something that's ONLY yours!
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  #5  
May 3rd, 2010, 10:09 AM
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Absolutely BTDT and it makes me

He doesn't understand why it is a problem.
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  #6  
May 3rd, 2010, 10:46 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes, it would make me mad.
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  #7  
May 3rd, 2010, 01:27 PM
kassia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you, I feel a little more normal for being mad now.

After I calmed down I explained to him that it's not the money I cared about (if he had asked I would of happily given it to him) it was that violation of space. I have no real space of my own (I don't even get to pee with out a child and an animal trying to assist) but my purse is MINE and him getting into it with out asking just set me off. He has never done it before and after today I can't see him ever doing it again.
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  #8  
May 3rd, 2010, 02:38 PM
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I love Courney's response, that's great .

As for me, I would probably be upset if he took the money (that maybe I needed for something else) rather than that he went in my purse. I really have nothing in there, but I completely understand the privacy thing.
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  #9  
May 3rd, 2010, 04:52 PM
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I agree with Mari, I understand the space and privacy thing. Mine doesn't go through my purse but I would be mad if he did. I don't have any privacy either I have to ask him to go away because I'm in the bathroom and I'll be out it a minute. I don't want to be watched (it's bad enough I got the kids watching all the time), so I understand.
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  #10  
May 3rd, 2010, 05:25 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I must be the only one that wouldn't be bothered by it. Then again I don't usually carry cash.
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  #11  
May 3rd, 2010, 07:49 PM
SnowAngel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KrazE View Post
Thankfully my SO would never, ever go through my purse. Even when he has asked if I have spare bus tickets (I sometimes have some kicking around from buying them here & there for the teens) and even if I tell him to go get some from my purse he will not; he'll bring my purse to me instead.
Same goes for his wallet, I will not go in there (but he carries his cash in his front pocket anyway, and I go in there all the time to put everything on his desk to do laundry.. quite different IMO (plus I have blanket permission to do so since sometimes he forgets to empty his pockets)).

I would be very angry if it was done in the manner that your dh did it. Married or not, everyone should have their own privacy in some way or another, and rummaging in a woman's purse without acknowledging, asking permission or anything is wrong (to me); others could very well see that as differently (in the 'what do you have to hide from your spouse kind of sense), but it's not about having anything to hide, it's about having a right to some things being private and/or off-limits... you know, like trying to have a poo and your spouse walking into the bathroom... don't do it!
That's how it is here.
oh and I never get to go to the bathroom alone. I either have a kid or a cat or a dog or all three(four, we have two cats). I usually have one of the cats for sure because she likes to hide away from the toddler and has found a nice hiding spot under the tub. I'll get peace and quiet when they are all moved out wont I? lol oh who are we kidding I will still have a dog and a cat following me around.
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  #12  
May 4th, 2010, 07:30 AM
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I wouldn't have been bothered by it either. My purse isn't really a purse...it holds diapers, kid stuff, my wallet...and that's about it. IF we ever have cash...it is ours...not mine....so he is welcome to it unless I have plans for it...and if I do then he knows about it. Usually he does ask "Do you have any cash" and I'll say yes or no..if I say yes, but it has a purpose already...he will leave it alone...if I just say yes...he'll either go get it or ask....but either way....I dont mind.

If he were to be pilfering through just to look at what is in there...I'd be less "ok" with it.

As far as the bathroom goes. Unless someone is doing a number two, lol, the door is usually left open...dh and I walk in on each other all the time....we have a pretty "open" household....lol
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In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
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  #13  
May 4th, 2010, 01:57 PM
Kristina's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think I would be bothered with him going through my purse but if he took money with out saying anything yeah that would irk me, I have nothing to hide and having 7 kiddos I am ok with no privacy
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  #14  
May 4th, 2010, 07:30 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't mind of dh takes stuff out of my purse, just let me know first-he's the same if I need cash out of his waller; not that either of us carries any cash anyhow...
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