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Forum: Large Families

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  #1  
October 8th, 2010, 05:19 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
to a family of 8 and TTC....

My name is sandy (22) mommy to dylan and jessica (ages 4 and 2)..My SO is phil (37) and he has five boys ages 18,14,9,6,3 who he has shared custody with...

What do you have as far as a kitchen set? I noticed alot of places have tables that either seat 4 or 6

We are going to be living in a 3 bedroom apartment for now (his apartment) soon..His four boys share a room and when we get things settled my son and daughter are going to share a room
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  #2  
October 8th, 2010, 06:56 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,190
Well, OK. Welcome. Here's the thing...

I am sure I am almost old enough to be your mother, at least a close aunt, or even a BFF. If I were any of those things, or a stranger on the internet, I would have some serious misgivings about you moving in with a man who has recently divorced or dissolved some sort of relationship, with his 5 kids, the youngest of which is only 3! It screams to me that he is using you to take care of said kids when they are around. You also state that you are TTC with him. And your big question or concern is about table space?

I am not attacking your personally, or trying to knock your desire for more children. But I want you to really take a look at this situation and consider if it is in the best interest of you and your two young children. I foresee years of financial problems because of the amount of child support he is bound to be paying for those 4 under 18. You are so young and your kids are so little. Please, talk to someone. Someone who you respect and trust to counsel you in your best interests. If you don't have someone like that in your life, we are here for you.
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  #3  
October 8th, 2010, 08:00 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,289
I am in absolute agreement with FW, if nothing else, hold off TTC for a while, you are 22, you will still have plenty of time if you wait just a year even. Your children and his children are going through so much change already, it will be good for everyone to get used to their new situation before adding another child to the mix.
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  #4  
October 8th, 2010, 10:41 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,159
I agree with pp, the table is the easy part
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  #5  
October 8th, 2010, 05:03 PM
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 5,298
Does the apartment have space for a table larger than one that seats 6? I have one that seats 8 and I can tell you where to order it from but it might not fit.

I know a family down the street and they are blended like yours. She had 2 kids and he had 4 when she got pregnant and it's been a battle for them. They aren't married so she was on her own for medical expenses. I hear her complain that the biological daddy to her first 2 won't help financially, and yet she complains about how much money her SO pays for support to his first 4. It is a mess. And all the ex's thrown in there has made for some major drama. Be careful
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  #6  
November 1st, 2010, 03:51 AM
Marlz.
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Hey sandy I have seen you on here since you had your first.. first off i think your a wonderful mother... but really hun.. please PLEASE have a good think about this first. I dont know your so but i get a bad vibe from this.. He has 5 boys from 3-18.. really i have 3 girls and im having my 4th and i look at my 3 br home with a study and go argh its going to be hard to fit all of us in here... and im sure our house is bigger then his apartment. I kinder get this feeling he is using you 2.. i would put off ttc until yous have been together for quiet some time... and maybe have a bigger house.. i think the table should be the least of your worries..

is his children all to the one mother? if so do you know much about his relationship with her? like has he always tried his best for his family, does he work, is he a good father?
Im only young but i dont think i could put myself in a spot like that...

I have seen alot of men with kids go out with younger mother with kids and in the end they get the mother to watch their kids the use there money and play on them.. use and abuse them..

I just be safe and step back and wait and see what this man is like before ttc...
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  #7  
November 1st, 2010, 10:52 AM
MrsAndMommy
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Completely lurking here and noticed you've only been together a couple of months. I think young single moms (such as you and not long ago, me) have this desire to rush, rush, rush! DH and I moved in together very quickly and TTCed almost right away...we're still together and doing fine but there was a girl my age who did the same thing in one of my JM playrooms and now she's a single mom to another baby. I think it's few and far between that rushed relationships like this work out and my DH and I definitely hit our hard parts at times because we went right into pregnancy (we ended up getting pregnant right away) and parenting together!

I know that most people don't listen to anyone when they have their minds set, but I figured I'd toss some words in there. Good luck with whatever you choose!
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  #8  
November 1st, 2010, 07:26 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 11,750
i'm just gonna throw in here that my sister got divoriced in 08 and remarried not a year later. now she's been married to this man for a year and it's very apparent that he married her so she would take care of his kids. it's been very hard on her. like the others said, think it over and make sure it's for the best.

oh, and to answer your table question, we have a conference table for our kitchen table. we can 12 around it comfortably, more if we squish.
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  #9  
November 2nd, 2010, 05:09 AM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 15,110
I have to agree with fw on this one, you are so young and he is older and wanting to put all of you in a 3 bedroom apt.? I think I would be saying why don't you get a bigger house and then think about moving in or maybe waiting until your married to him so you know he is ligit about being with you. From us looking in from the outside the situation just doesn't seem right...I'm sorry, I know you came here for support, but I am sure many of us have been a single mom or been used and to me, this is a red flag!!
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  #10  
November 2nd, 2010, 05:20 AM
shari626's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5,679
I have to agree. What does "get things settled" mean? I don't think I would move in until those things were settled.

We have a huge farmhouse table that seats 8. I would have a hard time fitting that into another kitchen - let alone an apartment. We redid our kitchen with our table in mind, so it fits. I can picture dh's and my first apartment and it would have taken up the whole dining room and living room area.
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