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  #1  
October 22nd, 2010, 06:40 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If you died, who would get your kids? Do you have a will? Could your dh cope alone? If you both died, would you want all the kids kept together, or are you okay with having them split up? Do you feel your choices are different now that you have many children vs only one or two?
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  #2  
October 22nd, 2010, 06:55 PM
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When it was just Nolan, I had three friends who wanted him if we both died, and we picked those three in descending order of preference. Now that we have four, none of those people want big families, don't have the patience, and only have 1-2 kids of their own. Now we are left with leaving them with the IL's, who are in their 50's and unhealthy-but they have no other kids, and they would keep them together. I don't want them split up. Bad enough to lose both their parents, but to lose each other would be terrible.

If I died alone, dh could cope, but I'm sure he'd move closer to his parents/family for help. He'd have enough money to keep the house and only have to work part time for the first few years. I'm sure he'd marry again, I would want him to. My kids would need a mom. My siblings are too old and selfish, my niece and nephews can't even get their own crap together as adults, nevermind raising four littles ones who aren't their own.

Such a struggle-very stressful.

If dh died, there would be enough money for me to live here and work just full time online from home. My siblings live 2 hours away, and probably wouldn't help more than they do now. I think dh's family would be useless to me, also. I'd have to sell our rental house, but we could live here. I don't know if I would marry again-he'd have to be someone pretty special to be good enough for my kids.
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  #3  
October 22nd, 2010, 08:15 PM
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If you died, who would get your kids?

IF we both died my parents would take the kids BUT my sister would get our life insurance money. She would be responsible for making sure that my parents get a monthly allowance to take care of the kids.

Do you have a will? Yes we both do

Could your dh cope alone? Yes he could, there was a point a few kids ago I didn't think he could but he has grown into an excellent father.

If you both died, would you want all the kids kept together, or are you okay with having them split up?
I am not ok with them being split up at all, my sister suggested this once and I told her she was insane.

Do you feel your choices are different now that you have many children vs only one or two?
Not really

Now if Dh died there is enough life insurance money that as long as I kept on a budget we could live for 7 years with out me working. I would still be able to work part-time since my in-laws are close and my MIL would babysit. We could also move in with my parents but I would rather maintain my sanity and live where we are.
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  #4  
October 23rd, 2010, 06:04 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We have struggled with this question for 15 years. My husband just recently decided on a couple and I was very surprised, but also very much in agreement.

When we just had 1-3, my DH's sister was going to take them. But then she had quads and her husband told us they thought we should have DH's parents take them. We disagreed. But that is ok, I don't really like them that much, anyway, so I was glad to reconsider the issue.

We would truly prefer my husband's brother, but he is not married and doesn't think he could do a god job. But he would do anything in the world for us and I know he would try his very best.

Then, about 2 months ago, my husband and I were out to lunch, again, and he said we really need to get this on paper because the more we go out, the greater chance of us both dying in a fiery car crash together. And he then said he wanted to ask this young couple here in our little town. His reasons were they are 10 years younger than us, so have more energy! They have 4 of their own, so can handle the chaos. Homeschool, so they won't just stick ours in school. They live on some acres like we do and do the same kinds of things as we do. They are younger, prettier, richer versions of ourselves! I asked them, they said yes. But we still don't have it on paper. So, if the uncle feels it isn't working for him, the other couple will step in. They live about 15 minutes from us, so I am thinking a tag-team thing would be what actually happened.

DH could totally handle this if I died. He is almost a better parent than me. There was a time that I thought he was better than me, but here lately I think I have edged him out in some areas.

But you are right. This is real and we really need to take care of the paperwork.
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  #5  
October 23rd, 2010, 07:04 AM
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We still have to get a will drawn up and get everything figured out. I definately want our kids kept together.. they are so close to one another that losing us and then losing each other would be horrendous!! My mom wants the kids if something would happen to us, but I really don't think she could handle them all and I know she wouldn't make anywhere near the decisions I would where them seeing my dad is concerned. My MIL and FIL would take them too, but they are in their mid 60's. None of our kids have ever met my Bil so he's out. One of my SIL's has a totally opposite parenting style than we do so she's out. My brother is so far from being ready for kids that it's not even funny. That leaves my other SIL and ideally we'd both like for her to take the kids. I'm sure she'd be happy to take them in, but we haven't asked yet because she does already have 3 of her own. But we do need to get something in writing before much longer.

If something were to happen to me, DH would be ok... he'd definately move back home by his mom and she'd take care of a lot of it for him. He tells me that he'd never remarry because it took him 36 years to find me and there'd be no one like me out there. But I'd want him to remarry and find someone who makes him happy and is good to our kids.

If something were to happen to DH, there's enough life insurance to pay off the house and car and for me to not have to work for the next 2 years. I'd probably move closer to family as well.
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  #6  
October 23rd, 2010, 08:33 AM
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We don't have a lot of kids yet but if we both died my dad and step mom have agreed to take them. My dad is in his mid 50's but raised 7 kids and would do a great job with our kids (the youngest is 13 so still at home) We may have to reconsider in another 10 years or so depending on his health.

If I died DH would find a way to manage. He would have family help him a lot and it would be hard but he would adjust.
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  #7  
October 23rd, 2010, 09:50 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't want anyone old taking mine-I think it would suck to lose two sets of parents. We don't have a will, but each time we go on holidays without the kids, we write one up, scan it, email it to my executor, and put it in the safe. In my province, handwritten wills are recognized by law. But we really need to do something more formal, esp with the financial stuff.
Any of you want on the list? I would absolutely take on another large family's kids if I needed to, I'm already in large family mindset, and we could do it. I just need to find another set of us!
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  #8  
October 23rd, 2010, 10:05 AM
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If it was either one of us, I'm sure we could manage on our own. We have a lot of family near by and are close to them, and very supportive friends too. I know they would all do what they could to help.

If both of us, we've named my inlaws as guardians in our will. That doesn't automatically mean they would be the ones to raise them, but we trust them with the decision of deciding who is in the best position to take them. They are in their early 50's and in good health, so they would probably do it. If they developed health problems or something, there are 3 other couples and 2 single people we would trust to raise all 5. My inlaws know who these people are and would take that into consideration if anything every happened to us.
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  #9  
October 23rd, 2010, 01:46 PM
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Well, I pretty much manage on my own now, so I am not worried about "so" not being around.

If I were to die my mom would take them all, no doubt. She would live here in this house because it also has her name on it "just in case". We did that on purpose when we bought the house. It's all paid for so no mortgage worries.

The other kids dad would definitely be involved still, but we have talked about it and he would allow the kids to be with my mom so they could all be together.
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  #10  
October 23rd, 2010, 05:15 PM
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If you died, who would get your kids? My brother and his wife. they have 5 kids in 8 years just like us, and although we're a bit more no nonsense, they are already committed to be involved in our kids' lives (like we are in theirs) and they are very much on the same page as far as our Christian values, which matters most to us.

Do you have a will? We've had one since we had our oldest, and back then she would go to my parents, but we changed it as soon as said brother got married.

Could your dh cope alone? well, he would have to, we have lots of support in the way of family and friends around us.

If you both died, would you want all the kids kept together, or are you okay with having them split up? It's never occured to me to split them up, I never even considered it. And there is more than enough money for my kids (and my brother's family) not to be financially burdened, so that's taken care of too.

Do you feel your choices are different now that you have many children vs only one or two? no, I'd still pick my brother and sister in law, thank goodness for them and their love of children (when they first got married they figured they'd have 12 kids lol)or I wouldn't know who I would choose.

ps. Marie, my youngest just saw your kids' pictures and said that your girl is cute and she could come to our house sometime, but not the boys lol.
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  #11  
October 23rd, 2010, 06:28 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Shall I send E on the bus tonight??
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  #12  
October 23rd, 2010, 06:55 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
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If you died, who would get your kids?
If we died tomorrow one or all of our older kids would take the younger kids. They would be helped my best friend and my MIL. But we have the concern of my oldest who is bi-polar and learning disabled, he will always need care and my oldest DD has already stated that she will take him when the time comes.


Do you have a will?
Not in writing but EVERYONE knows our plans.


Could your dh cope alone?
Honestly I do not think he can, I know he would try like hell though.

If you both died, would you want all the kids kept together, or are you okay with having them split up?
I would be ok with a split, meaning one of the four older ones and one of the four younger ones. Not ideal but so long as they are together in some way I know they will be fine.

Do you feel your choices are different now that you have many children vs only one or two?
Not sure, maybe. I never thought I would have kids old enough to raise their younger siblings.
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