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  #1  
December 7th, 2010, 04:58 AM
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Location: Northamptonshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 28
Hubby wants me to have a medical Termination! He KNEW I wanted another baby! He KNEW I had stopped contraceptives!!

He said another child will push him financially overboard!!! We talked last night about it, this is the first conversation we had since I got my bfp. He said the kids would love a baby but he don't want another.

Been awake all night cant sleep, or eat, keep crying. I have yo put a brave face on, my daughter is 7 today!!!

I work on a maternity ward and I love it, I want to be a midwife, I planned to go back to work once the baby was born. How can I remain in this job if I terminate, I would be a hypocrite. I am going to speak to him again tonight when kids are asleep.

I ama christian, a methodist and believe every child is a gift. I prayed for a baby and now I feel like I am taking the mickey. So many people would love kids and cant have them!!!

Feel like I'm in termoil.

Sorry if my post has upset anyone, needed to air my views.

Thank you for reading

xxx
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  #2  
December 7th, 2010, 06:13 AM
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Say no. He helped make a baby knowing you wanted it. Another baby may push him financially overboard but I don't think aborting a baby you prayed for would turn out too hot for your mental well being.
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  #3  
December 7th, 2010, 07:05 AM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Maybe it's the 1st trimester jitters. Hopefully he will calm down in a little while and realize that it will all work out for the best.
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  #4  
December 7th, 2010, 07:20 AM
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I'm sorta speechless. I'm sorry you're going through this
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  #5  
December 7th, 2010, 07:34 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with Jessie, say no.
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  #6  
December 7th, 2010, 08:21 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am all about obeying the husband, blah blah blah. But not when it comes to going against God's word. I do believe this is a thing to take a stand on, the hill to die on, so to speak. I would flat out tell him no. The money will work out. He will come around. And he will be glad you didn't follow his wishes.
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  #7  
December 7th, 2010, 09:10 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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And I'm not about obeying the husband, so I'd still tell him no. If he knows you weren't preventing, then he shoulda done the math.
Take a big breath, you're in my prayers.
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  #8  
December 7th, 2010, 10:36 AM
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Um......................no, your body, your right. this is one area that he gets no say so (after the fact).
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  #9  
December 7th, 2010, 02:27 PM
mi5kidzmom's Avatar Veteran
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If it were me I would say no to terminating the pregnancy but to show him you at least consider his feelings, you can say, well I am not going to kill an innocent child but if you don't want this baby then lets consider giving him/her to a family who can't have one. I bet he will change his mind, but if that is what he decides then he has to do all the work to find an intact, stable couple.
If you refuse to do anything, you know him, how will he react? I know this women who had 8 children with her husband and because she refused to terminate the last pregnancy, he took off! Left to another country and never came back! I think that is completely despicable but he did it. Its been 12 yrs now and she had been through many many things (a breakdown, on welfare, so much). Ultimately only know your husband and what he is capable or not capable of doing. Like someone else said maybe he is just stressed and confused.
I hope everything works out. Hugs
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Last edited by mi5kidzmom; December 7th, 2010 at 02:30 PM.
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  #10  
December 7th, 2010, 04:58 PM
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Say No.. Tell him he knew you wanted another.. knew you stopped preventing.. tell him the money will work out and that once he's holding that precious baby he's going to regret ever saying that to you. I love my husband to no end... I'd do ALMOST anything for him... but bringing harm to one of my children is where I draw the line and in my opinion, from the time of conception, that baby in there is one of your children!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Targueta View Post
If you refuse to do anything, you know him, how will he react? I know this women who had 8 children with her husband and because she refused to terminate the last pregnancy, he took off! Left to another country and never came back! I think that is completely despicable but he did it. Its been 12 yrs now and she had been through many many things (a breakdown, on welfare, so much). Ultimately only know your husband and what he is capable or not capable of doing.

I think any man who could actually do that to his family for any reason isn't a man worth being married to!
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  #11  
December 7th, 2010, 05:06 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'd tell him no. He's just as responsible for you being pregnant. He'll get over it.

I'm sorry he's acting that way.
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  #12  
December 7th, 2010, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarieJ View Post
And I'm not about obeying the husband, so I'd still tell him no. If he knows you weren't preventing, then he shoulda done the math.
Take a big breath, you're in my prayers.
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  #13  
December 7th, 2010, 08:49 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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Wow! He reminds me of some teenager who knocked up his girlfriend. He needs to be a man and take some responsibility. Besides, adding one more really doesn't add that much financial strain, especially if you have already done it and have everything you need. I hope he's just nervous and will come around and regret ever saying that.
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  #14  
December 7th, 2010, 09:30 PM
OatmealKisses's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would say HELLO NO! He did the deed. He knew what was going to happen. He went along with all of it until this point and led you on. Not your fault or the unborn child's. Neither of you should have to pay for that.
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  #15  
December 7th, 2010, 10:39 PM
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i agree id flat out say no!
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  #16  
December 8th, 2010, 03:41 AM
shari626's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with everyone else so far. I would have to say NO no matter what he said. Would you be able to live with yourself if you terminated this pregnancy? I will definitley say a prayer that your husband really didn't mean that. I would think even suggesting that has to have put a serious strain on your marriage. It would mine. Hugs. Please keep us posted.
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  #17  
December 8th, 2010, 06:07 AM
ImustBeNuts06's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am SO very sorry he is not supporting you the way you deserve and need to be right now. I would tell him NO and prepare to continue with your pregnancy with or without his support.

I went through something similar in April. I ended up pregnant unexpectedly when we were both "done." This was just a few days before my DH's vasectomy consult. Anyway, my DH and I were both a horrible mess. We knew that having another baby could quite possibly send us over the edge (financially and mentally). We had some of the most honest conversations that a man and wife could ever have. This included talks of abortion and adoption. The thought of either of those "options" tore me to shreds. I did some serious soul searching and knew that this baby never would have happened if it weren't in God's plans. We can make all the plans we like, but really, it's not up to us. I went to DH and I told him there isn't a way in the world that I could let someone else raise my kid. To know I had a child on Earth and I could not hold them, wipe their tears, and watch them grow....no way! I'm not saying adoption is bad, I just don't believe that I am strong enough to do that. As far as abortion, I told him HELL NO! He even went as far as to say, well...guess we should start looking up divorce lawyers. Yeah, he seriously said that to me. Now, before you all start thinking my DH is a total D-bag....he was in serious panic mode. He literally nearly fainted in the baby aisle in Target. It was at that moment that I told him, "God has decided I will have this child, and that is what I'm going to do. If you feel that strongly, then you are free to go. I will raise the children that God gave me.....with or without you." It was a rough month, but now he is so giddy about our new addition that is due any day.

Hang in there and do what is in YOUR heart. IMO, my children (those alive or in the womb) will always come before ANYONE else......including my DH.
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  #18  
December 8th, 2010, 07:33 AM
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I'd say NO..no way am I going to kill a life growing inside of me.

He knew you quit the contraceptives, so if he was really so darn worried about the possibility of having another child he should have kept his penis to himself.

If it were my hubby, christian or not, I would break his freaking nose and tell him to get out of my house.

I just can't put up with that. It is so uncalled for..a man not supporting the fact that he got his wife pregnant. If he didn't want to have another child he should have gotten himself "fixed". If he is too much of a weinie to do that, he needs to stiffle those sexual urges and keep his penis in his hand.
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  #19  
December 8th, 2010, 12:38 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northamptonshire, United Kingdom
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Hi guys I love you all already. Thank you for all you said when I have not been thinking straight. We have not talked yet I don't feel ready to talk. I can't see the problem cos my first 4 kids are all go their 20' s and don't live at home. They are from my first marriage. So together hubby and I have twins 8 a 7 year old and a 4 year old pm technically speakins this will be hubby's 5th child. I have just found out that I am going to be a granny go July. My oldest son 23 is going to be a dad!

Xxx
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  #20  
December 8th, 2010, 03:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shebur View Post
Hi guys I love you all already. Thank you for all you said when I have not been thinking straight. We have not talked yet I don't feel ready to talk. I can't see the problem cos my first 4 kids are all go their 20' s and don't live at home. They are from my first marriage. So together hubby and I have twins 8 a 7 year old and a 4 year old pm technically speakins this will be hubby's 5th child. I have just found out that I am going to be a granny go July. My oldest son 23 is going to be a dad!

Xxx
Maybe hubby was just feeling he could settle into a new phase of life, but I still am not sure I would put up with the fact that he knew you were off contraceptives and then got all upset.

Anyway, maybe just sit down and matter of factly explain that you were hurt that he would want you to abort this baby. He may suprise you and let you know he was just stressed and speaking out of fear and nothing more.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with each other or the Lord so it is hard for me to try and say things that might help you both.

I love God, I love my hubby, but my hubby does not "rule" this household..it is a democracy (isnt that what all dictator wifes say lol).

Honestly if my hubby said that to me, regardless of the situation, he would be unable to bear any more children..let alone pee straight.
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