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Ryen went through a phase last year where she pulled all her hair out on one side...she had a mullet by the time I could get her to stop. So, the last two weeks of school, we cut her hair off. The next day of school, a girl in her class made fun of her and got other kids in her class to do the same. That afternoon, I picked Ryen up from school and the girl walked by us with a friend and in front of me, made fun of Ryen's hair. I was mad, she was in Kindergarten! Well, this same girl is in her class this year and Ryen has been complaining about this little girl again. So I finally went in today and talked with the teacher and found out that I'm the 3rd parent to come in and complain about her. And my teacher told me that the mom seems to just blow it off. So she'll call the mom again today and talk to her. However my mom told me I needed to talk to the principal and I just can't do that. I don't feel it's bad enough yet...but, My mom didn't think that was good enough and she called for me. She said, If the teacher isn't enough for the mom to intervene, then may the principal will be enough. Anyways, I just can't believe that I'm dealing with this in first grade. I can't imagine how middle school will be.
I haven't a problem to that extent, and I do agree with your mom, the principal should be brought in. If this was the first offense and the teacher was able to take care of it then that is fine. It wasn't so it was time to bring in someone else.
This did remind me of a time from 12 years ago or so, my oldest has severe learning disabilities and was/is very shy and very quite. It was so bad that if he spoke to a teacher I would get a phone call from the teacher where she thought she had just won the lottery. He had a friend that was the known bully and sorda a problem kid, but he adored my oldest and my oldest had been warned that if he did anything that he knew I disapproved of he would be the one in trouble. I wasn't going to take this kid away from him cause he was his only friend but I wanted guidelines understood. One day I get a phone call from the school telling me that my son and this other kid had put this younger boy in a trash can, I have to admit when I hung up I gave a little chuckle, I know it was wrong but I couldn't help myself. One of the issue's with my oldest is that his comprehension and speech output is low so he has a hard time expressing himself, after we got home I talked with him about how what he did was wrong and he got some form of consequence. A few weeks later what I actually learned is that this younger kid had been picking on my oldest, well this friend had had enough of it and figured he was going to help my oldest "teach this kid a lesson" which it would appear they did. After learning this I had a long talk with both boys about how to handle bullying, there wasn't the same amount of awareness back then.
I know they handled it wrong, but I was proud of the other boy for helping my son. Looking back this many years it is easy to laugh about, but I felt bad that my son was going through that and I was completely unaware it was happening.
Hopefully the principal can get something accomplished cause there is no reason your DD can't go to school and feel safe.
I agree with Allison. We have a ZERO tolerance policy also. I work in the school and the counselor gets involved immediately and if they think it's bullying - the police are given this child's name. (Even if it's a first grader!!) The potential is there for bullies to escalate to something worse. Parents are called in for a conference and the child may be suspended.
Don't ever think it's "not bad enough" yet to go talk to the principal. It's making your child miserable and that's bad enough. Hope they resolve it soon!
Allison...when I lived on post, they had AMAZING anti-bully programs in place. Emily never had problems and she came home several times a week with papers from the program. They had regular assemblies to teach kids how to cope with bullies. It was fantastic. Then I moved up here to Snotsville, USA...holy crap! It's awful!!! They say they have programs in place and that they have zero tolerance, but every one of my school kids (including Brady ) Have been bullied. Pre-K...seriously?!
Anyway, first step for me is to talk to the teacher. If that doesn't work...principal or guidance counselor. I know it may not be suggested, but if the higher ups don't seem to do their job, I would consider contacting the parent directly.
Also, I talk to my kids about bullies and bullying a lot. If I notice they have bully behavior at home, I point it out and ask them how they felt last time someone bullied them. This seems to work quite well. I try to give them some immediate solutions that they can do when being bullied. Tell a teacher or another adult, walk away, etc. My kindergartener once told me that the same kids had been bullying him on the playground. He claimed to have told the teacher and she brushed him off (several times...ugh). I told him that if that happens again, to tell the bully that he is NOT allowed to treat him like that....then find any other adult at school if the teacher won't listen. BTW...I did speak to this teacher about this and she said she didn't know.
I am really sorry your little girl is going through this. Bullies are awful!
I think the key phrase in your post is "And my teacher told me that the mom seems to just blow it off" We always say it begins at home.
I think it's her home environment. I have a large family and I know what it's like to be told by an older sibling that I'm not allowed to play with them. I know this girl has older sisters and I think that's what's going on. So this girl comes to school and treats other girls the same way because that's all she knows and it makes her feel better, which is unfortunate. But, for a parent to brush off their childs attitude towards others is unacceptable. If I ever got a phone call that one of my children has made another childs school days hell....well, let's just say, that child will not have a fun for a long time.
Anyways, Ryen told me her teacher pulled them both aside and told the girl she needed to stop and that she had to apologize. I'm not sure what that will fix. My mom did call the principal and he was not aware of the situation, he said that he will be taking care of it. But, yesterday was the last day of school before Christmas break. I'm not sure when or how it will be taken care of. I guess it's just a waiting game. At least Ryen will have two peaceful weeks!
Last year was the first year that we had a problem with a bully. Naturally, our crappy school does nothing about this sort of thing so it was basically left to the kids themselves. My daughter (who was in 4th grade at the time) wasn't the direct victim but was friends with them and eventually had enough and called the girl out on her bullying to her face. Of course, this turned the attention on to Lyssa for the next week or so but Lyss never gave in and eventually the girl backed off. Now this year lyssa has said that the same girl has been really nice to her and all her friends and she considers her a friend! I'm pretty amazed by it all, really.
So with all that being said, I really don't have any good advice to give because I have no idea how Alyssa turned the whole thing around like she did. But I really hope that things get better for Ryen or that one of her friends will stand up for her.
Cortney...mom to A, C, E, L, I, and R