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How did you make the decission to have a large family?
I have 4 children although one has now passed away. My family was very opposed to me having the twins as I was single for my last three children and chose to use a donor to have them. I have a medical condition and IVF was necessary to get pregnant. I am not financially stable yet and trying to finish University.
I have started dating someone and its getting very serious. He does have one daughter but he missed out on most of her beginings because of issues with his ex. He wants to have more children. He is stable financially however his budget doesn't have much wiggle room. We know that we can get by but things will not be lavish.
I don't know if I want to have more. My heart ones to have them of course. However my family will freak and this will be very hard on me. My health is definately an issue as i have major pregnancy issues, and money is going to be an issue. Now we are not wanting them now but if there is any hope I would need to decide in the next year or so.
So just wondering how others faced family and friends oppositions or other factors?
For us, it just kind of happened. I don't know that we ever looked at each other and said, let's have a bunch of kids.
Looking at your signature line, it looks like you have suffered a lot of loss. I wonder if that's part of your family's issue with you wanting to have more children. No one wants to see their kids suffering.
In the end, you have to do what you think is best, and not worry about what others say. But I do think we have people in our lives for a reason, and we should take their advice and concern to heart as well. It's a hard line to draw.
We knew we wanted a large family but didn't intend right away to go quite this large. We originally wanted four. Then we said we were done. We had four boys. A couple years down the road, we changed our minds and though..ehhh..lets have one more. We had our fifth little guy and six weeks later, our five year old was diagnosed with a bone marrow disease. We tested all our kiddos to see if any were HLA tissue matches for a possible transplant. None were. We decided to try for one more to see if we could get a match. We ended up with twins (a huge and awesome surprise, they are boy/girl) but neither matched. We decided to try again for a match, and had another little girl who also did not match, so we tried again...and then again...still no match but our home is full of love, happiness and babies (6 of our 10 children are age 5 and under!). Our son is in remission now, is very healthy and never needed the transplant. We've been incredibly blessed.
If YOU want more babies then that is YOUR decision and your family doesn't really have the right to freak out about it. But I'm a little concerned that you mentioned difficult pregnancies, and that your heart wants more children.
I would suggest the two of you sit down with a pen and paper and make pro and con lists of why and why not to have more babies, and see which list is longer or holds more weight.
Since I was a child, i wanted 12. Then as an adult, I wanted 5. We had ended up with 4 babies, and then I decided to be done.
When I was pg w/ my twins, I originally started out with THREE babies in there. I became very, very ill, and lost one at the end of the 11th week. The twins were born @ 35 weeks and stayed in NICU for a bit. The first year was hell! The second year was hard too, and I found myself pregnant again, with baby E. Around the same time, we found my then 2yo son had some difficulties with some developmental milestones (and his sister, dominant twin queen bee had some behavioral issues). Shortly after this, we lost her too, and all while trying to deal w/ the twins issues. Sometime, in January 2009, when my donor baby was born (I had donated eggs in April 2008, prior to becoming pregnant with baby E.) I decided I didn't want to try again for myself. I felt something was wrong, or maybe I had been too focused on ME having a baby to see what other people were missing. I decided to become a surrogate.
After almost 2 years, and losing baby T in 13th week, I just wanted to close up shop. BUT, I couldn't let my last pregnancy end in m/c, I just couldn't. So...I matched with another family and here I am 15weeks (and some days) pregnant for a wonderful couple.
Everyone feels I'll eventually want to have that 5th baby, that after the surrogacy, I'll be desperate or something. I really don't wish to raise any more kids.
I guess I decided that if I didn't have all 5 by the time I was 30, then I would only have what I had. And then when other things happened, it just made everything so different.
I am not sure I am explaining it in a way that makes sense, but I just feel at this point in my life, I have completed my family and am satisfied with my four little ones. They are a pain sometimes, and a joy, and a lot of work! They also cost a fortune, which we don't have. Plus, this world is just getting worse and I somewhat feel guilty for even bringing my beautiful babies into this ugly world. I just don't know that I want to do it again and potentially have another of my children face what we have to face these days.
Five years ago, I thought things would be perfect, but I am older now, and maybe I am seeing things just differently. I don't know, I am a bit sad sometimes thinking about their futures. I wonder why we do what we do and I wonder why I chose to have children and help people have children when I know that there is so much ugly out there.
I guess, I am not really sure what made me "finished" exactly, but after this baby is born, I think I am done bringing any more life into this world.
Hope that made sense and I don't sound too ridiculous, but it's just how I feel right now.
Mom to many
1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!
I think as much as much as you desire to have a baby, you should really consider your health, finances and the stability of your relationship.
But for me really, my consideration was what kind of mother I would be to my kids if I added more babies. And even though I know I could do it if I had to and that it would all turn out okay, I really felt like I would fall short as a mom if I had more than 5 (obviously that # is different for everyone). Also, I sorta feel like I am pushing my luck, a healthy baby is not a given, and after 5 healthy children I feel like we should leave well enough alone.
And just to be honest with you, I know we always say that you should ignore what your family says, and in some instances very true, but sometimes there could be something to what they're saying.