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How does your family react to you having/wanting a large family?


Forum: Large Families

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  #1  
March 9th, 2011, 10:26 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Mine seem to be supportive, for the most part.
My mom lives in England so I know that she wishes she were near to help me.

My dh's family are more distant. They don't really see my kids tons, holidays/birthdys it seems.

I guess my interest is spiked since we just told our parents that we were expecting. My mom was actually excited, shes hoping for a girl, lol. My dhs mom was excited too (she said the same thing).
My dh's dad, just kind of shrugged his shoulders and didn't really say anything.

I guess it bothers me since we have heard the 'another one?' comment in the past. We don't ask anyone for help, not financially, with babysitting, anything. My kids are good kids, they do well in school etc, so it bothers me that anyone thinks they have the right to say anything negative.

Do you have supportive families?
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  #2  
March 9th, 2011, 10:35 AM
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My Dad and Brother seem to be very supportive of us. Whenever they hear we are expecting again, they offer congrats and tell me to keep them posted on how everything is going and when I go into labor. My brother lives in Utah and my Dad in Wyoming (we are in Pennsylvania). My Dad has offered more than once for us to come out there and live with him and to help my Hubby find a job. He'd love to have us closer to him. My brother has offered much of the same and we did take him up on it once, but silly me wanted to come back home....

My Aunt (my only living relative from my Mom's side) is not supportive. She believes 1 maybe 2 is enough for anyone and if you can't shop for your kids in high end stores and you can't cater to their every whim then you aren't suited to have any children. Oddly enough, she was never able to conceive children herself.

The Hubs Mom we don't speak to that much. She's critical about everything and can be quite rude at times.

We are like you, no one helps us with babysitting or financially. We support our children and the only babysitter my children ever had was their oldest brother and that was only when we had Baby #6 in November and once a month when we go on date night.
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  #3  
March 9th, 2011, 10:54 AM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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They used to be HUGE jerks but they've gotten alot better. Since joining this board I've gained alot more confidence in our decisions to have more than what is considered sane by most. That's led to many open conversations about the pros and cons of a large family and why I think the pros outweigh the cons. I'm still not sure if they respect our decision but I'm pretty sure they're all tired of hearing me talk about it, lol! I've also pointed out which comments I think are inappropriate so they're weary of saying anything now.

With that said, nobody jumps for joy and I haven't had a family member tell me "Congrats!" since #3. But as long as they keep their mouths shut then I'm good.
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  #4  
March 9th, 2011, 10:55 AM
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Ours aren't. My inlaws, I think, are acting out of fear: what if DH loses his job, what if one gets sick or hurt, what if we lose one (we do at the zoo it seems, every time). They love my DH and they love the kids, but they are old fashioned worriers. My dad thinks we are nuts. He had/has all the money in the world and thinks we are stupid. My mom, though, has been one of those homeless people in the woods behind grocery stores and she thinks it is awesome every time we have another one. I wish she wasn't the crazy alcoholic. She would be more fun to have around and I wouldn't second guess our conviction. When the crazy one is the only one that agrees with you, you might have a problem.
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  #5  
March 9th, 2011, 11:01 AM
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They think we're crazy.
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  #6  
March 9th, 2011, 12:28 PM
SnowAngel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My sister is all for it. My mom hates it but she really doesn't care for kids at least she didn't when I was growing up. she told me I was done at 2. not her decision.
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  #7  
March 9th, 2011, 12:29 PM
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Thanks for sharing your stories. IT's glad to know we are not alone.
I'm so glad to have found a large families board, where there are others like me. (((HUGS)))
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  #8  
March 9th, 2011, 01:02 PM
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My dad's side of the family thinks its great.

My mom's side is complicated. They think I should have stopped having kids and shouldn't have any more because only because its not common and "your only supposed to have 2-3 kids". I also hear some concerns about my health despite the fact that it is good and that I have pretty easy pregnancies, only problem I have is gestational diabetes and it was more of an inconvience to me because of the diet and sugar testing but I didn't complain. It was worth it to me. I think they probably think I'm crazy or something. However, all that said, when we visit they are excited to see all the kids. My grandma is the main one that says anything and she is always very eager to see the baby and get pics.

My dh's family likes to make the funny comments about "don't you know what causes that" ect but doesn't really give us a hard time. Some kinda annoy me because they say we can't handle more or that my body can't handle anymore but they rarely see us and are only assuming. They really have no idea how we are managing so I don't know why they assume we aren't doing just fine.

Luckily, I've gotten better about not caring as much about what they think. I don't care enough to change but some of it does hurt sometimes.
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  #9  
March 9th, 2011, 02:39 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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we have support from both sides of our families, not that they get a say anyhow. My FIL wants us to have ten, since they could only have one and love kids
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  #10  
March 9th, 2011, 04:14 PM
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Most of my family doesn't seem to mind, although, my little brother told me I need to stop breeding and take care of the kids I have and I know my BIL and SIL agree with him. No one else has ever said anything.
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  #11  
March 9th, 2011, 08:26 PM
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My family thinks it is a lot to handle but they don't try to stop us and they say we are great parents.

Dh's family keeps telling us to stop that 4 is plenty and with our last 2 pregnancies they didn't even congratulate us.

We haven't spilled the beans about number 5 yet so I don't know how everyone is going to react to that.
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  #12  
March 10th, 2011, 07:42 AM
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For the most part my family and friends don't really think anything of it. My MIL on occasion will say something about my health but she is coming from a good place so it doesn't bother me, she lives by us and is very involved .

My mom thinks we're crazy, in a good way, she better cause my sister just gave birth to her 7th living baby yesterday (she had twins that died prematurely when she was 15) plus she is raising her boyfriends 2 kids so that gives her 9 in the house.

Oddly enough we don't see our younger siblings (17 and 20) having any kids, I think they are niece and nephew'd out LOL.
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  #13  
March 10th, 2011, 08:36 AM
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THey think we are crazy. But I think they are all crazy for only having one or two. I just dont give my opinion. I guess because I have more than the 'norm' they think I WANT their opinion.
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  #14  
March 10th, 2011, 12:23 PM
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We also don't get congratulated when a new one is coming. I am 12 weeks (woo-hoo) and we haven't told anyone. My tummy muscles are quickly giving way though

We also don't ask for help, babysitting, money or anything. We are homeschoolers, so that only adds fuel to the fire I think.

I'm sorry. It still hurts. This is baby number 9, and I feel bad for "it", because I think every baby should be loved, celebrated, and enjoyed. We are passing that lesson onto our kids. We don't want them to learn from the rest of the relatives. But I do dread the comments coming soon.
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  #15  
March 10th, 2011, 07:19 PM
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I know what you mean Mari. I have the same feelings some times. MY dh says I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does.

We always make an effort to go to everyones events, family gatherings etc and sometimes I feel like everyone bothered for the first couple of children and then slowly stopped bothering as much. Like, another one? They are each as individual, special and as much a gift as the next one and that does hurt.
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Last edited by MommySiobhan; March 10th, 2011 at 07:21 PM.
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  #16  
March 11th, 2011, 01:40 PM
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AMEN! That is exactly right
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  #17  
March 12th, 2011, 02:13 PM
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My in-laws love the fact that we have a larger family. They both came from large families so that might have something to do with that. My family is not so understanding. They feel like we should stop and focus on the kids we already have. While I appreciate their opinions, it also bothers me that I feel like I am getting lectured about this everytime I see them.
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  #18  
March 17th, 2011, 05:37 AM
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They think we're crazy
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  #19  
March 17th, 2011, 05:43 AM
kassia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My family other then my sister has always been supportive. My MIL on the other hand not so much. They are all happy we are done now, I just wish I was as happy with it as they are.
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  #20  
March 18th, 2011, 09:21 AM
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My dad doesn't mind he's from a large family and dhs dad is as well and has no problem. Our moms on the other hand thought we should only have 2 kids and be done. When I told my mom yesterday dh wasn't getting snipped after this baby the phone went silent LOL
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