A question...

i3ai3ydanny · #1 January 29th, 2012, 11:39 AM

So I won't actually fit here for a LONG time but I have questions as I would LOVE to have a large family. My dream has always been six but the more the merrier is my idea.

I got married when I was 18 after 6 years of dating and we conceived a honeymoon. Long story short, my x-DH made a HUGE decision that I could not live with so I have been a single mommy since 11/08. One day when I fine Mr. Right I want to have lots of kids. So my question is... if you have lots of kids, do you stay at home with them? Does your DH/SO have a well paying job or do you just scrounge to make ends meet? I am trying to figure out what I should plan for the future and get ideas of feasibility on things. I would LOVE to be a SAHM to my son now but being a single mom makes that impossible.

So basically, how do you do it financially? Thanks for any tips!

Farmers-wife · #2 January 29th, 2012, 05:04 PM

Live on less than you make. Regardless if you are single or married, two income or one. Do this and you will be fine.

In the meantime, don't be looking for Mr. Right, or even Mr. Rightnow. You have a child, you need to focus on giving him the best, most stable life you can. There are too many creepers out there to bring any of them into your home looking for your knight in shining armor. Rely on your parents, your friends, and even your ex if he is involved with your child, but don't go bringing every Tom, Dick or Harry around your child. Or you, for that matter. The risk is not worth the reward.

Repti.Mom · #3 January 29th, 2012, 06:05 PM

We definitely aren't 'rich'. WI has a pretty low standard of living though, so we do well most of the year. There are always hard times, like around X-mas of course but we do it.

i3ai3ydanny · #4 January 29th, 2012, 07:25 PM

I should have clarified that one. I am in no way "looking" for Mr. Right. More like waiting for God to drop him in my lap.

Thanks for the tips!

cnote · #5 January 30th, 2012, 03:54 AM

Not rich. I am a SAHM for now. We make it work. I'd say that my kids are still spoiled even with just DH's income - Toys galore, preschool, disney vacation, dance lessons.

I would rather buy things for them than myself so that is where some extra money comes from. My MIL and my mom have given us money for various things. My MIL paid for most of our disney vacation.

We have been very fortunate and really don't need to worry much about money. We still need to be frugal but it's not a huge stressor.

UrbanMomma · #6 January 30th, 2012, 10:00 AM

I pretty much shop at thrift stores, off craigslist, garage sales. I bargain hunt. I don't pay full price for anything. I even clearance shop groceries. I use coupons. We don't have everything and don't feel the need for it.

My kids still look like fashion models and almost everything they own in second hand. My teens pretty much wear all name brands (second hand) too.

Counting our Blessings · #7 January 30th, 2012, 12:56 PM

We live in our means, a little below, and buy secondhand everything, except undergarments

.

My advice to you would be to not go into debt for anything, and start saving so when you do meet Mr. Right, you will have a nice financial asset to bring to the marriage.

For us, me working just isn't something we want, so we make it work. Sometimes it's tough, but by God's grace we make it, He always provides for us.

Momtothe6thpower · #8 January 30th, 2012, 01:14 PM

Live below your means, starting yesterday! Best advice ever!! I wish someone had clued me in on that when I was just starting out.

Look into some of Dave Ramsey's books, Financial Peace or Total Money Makeover. His advice is to not try to impress people you probably don't really like anyway.

MarieJ · #9 January 30th, 2012, 03:24 PM

dh has three jobs and I have two, but I work full time from home online right now. We haven't yet learned to spend less than we make

MyBubRy · #10 January 30th, 2012, 05:06 PM

Get a good budget going and try to put just a little away each week, even if it's only like $10 or $15, incase of unforseen school trips, emergencies ect.

UrbanMomma · #11 January 30th, 2012, 05:20 PM

We save all our change too. Just at Christmas time alone we saved up almost $300 in change. It didn't take long, and didnt seem like we were missing anything. I think we started saving the change around October.
We started another change bag after Christmas and its getting pretty full already.

KrazE · #12 January 30th, 2012, 08:47 PM

I'm a couponer, sales hunter, flyer comparer, shopping planning crazy woman.

It's not easy to do in Canada either as we cannot stack coupons (not in Ontario at least), though some out west can.

I have always kept a detailed budget so I know what needs to be paid when, and how to best afford the things we need.

I can tell you honestly, though most people don't believe it - being reasonable with careful planning and using coupons without being a hoarder for things you do not need, you can save a lot of money.

I started using coupons & doing careful shopping with vigour starting June 2011 as I had an intuition that my job would not be around for much longer (I was laid off Dec 31), so I wanted a padding to help keep my stress down.

By Dec 31 I saved just over $7000 that I would have spent having to buy things at their regular price because we needed them, or by not shopping carefully or waiting patiently for sales.

A few examples for me would be when it turned out that I needed glasses for reading - those suckers are expensive since I have a different prescription for my left & right eye. I used a website called ClearlyContacts.ca and paid $53 for the first pair, and only $12.01 for the second pair because I found online coupons for the site as well.

Another example - we needed new livingroom furniture - but I waited for a big tent sale before heading out to find a set. I ended up saving over $1000 on my set because they wanted to clear out inventory to make room for new stuff.

Anywho, find ways to live below your means, and track what you spend. Sometimes switching to using just cash & not taking any credit/debit cards with you can make a huge difference.

I was a single Mom of 4 on my own for a number of years working 1 FT job, and another PT job just to make ends meet, so I can tell you, it can be done.

jhmomofmany · #13 January 31st, 2012, 07:46 AM

Right now we are living on my part-time minimum wage job and DH's unemployment. He was unemployed half of last year and worked for $10 an hour about six months before being layed off again. Our current monthly income is less than $2k a month. For four years we've been living at about this income level... every time I sit down to try to make a budget, I get freaked out. It just doesn't work on paper. And yet, we're making it through. We even have internet at home again!