men/woman and friendships

#5in2005 · #1 February 6th, 2012, 12:47 PM

So in this day and age, is it possible to be just friends with a member of the opposite sex?

Do you have friends that are men? Do you think within certain parameters it's okay, or just not at all that it's just best to stay away from any type of relationship like that all together.

I'm having a deep disagreement with my brother on this one, and just curious what you all would have to say about it.

UrbanMomma · #2 February 6th, 2012, 12:58 PM

I have men I talk to at work, I work with mostly men. I wouldn't necessarily call them friends, but I do talk to them on fb or very occasionally by text.
Usually by a rule I don't think men and women make the best of "just friends"

CBTECH · #3 February 6th, 2012, 01:00 PM

Any friends of the opposite sex that I have (or DH has) have become our couple friends.

Farmers-wife · #4 February 6th, 2012, 01:09 PM

If I am not good friends with the wife, I am not friends with the husband. If there is no wife, I keep very a simple, acquaintence level relationship. It is not a good plan to buddy up with men if you are a married woman. And a married man should not buddy up with women.

Momtothe6thpower · #5 February 6th, 2012, 01:58 PM

Sensitive topic so I can't be unbiased atm....

clouise · #6 February 6th, 2012, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmers-wife

If I am not good friends with the wife, I am not friends with the husband. If there is no wife, I keep very a simple, acquaintence level relationship. It is not a good plan to buddy up with men if you are a married woman. And a married man should not buddy up with women.

I agree with this. I'm either friends with the couple, or if it is a single man, we are just acquaintences.

Just because you CAN do something does not make it wise.

mom2many2010 · #7 February 6th, 2012, 05:25 PM

I see no problem with it. That doesnt mean they need to go bar hopping together or vice versa. However, that doesnt mean everyone would be fine with it. My husband cheated years ago, he has female friends and women he works with and i am okay with that. I guess I am of the mind set that he will do what he's gonna do and it is the ones i dont know about that i would be concerned with.

clouise · #8 February 6th, 2012, 06:16 PM

I guess it depends on the definition of "friend." I know my husband chats with his female coworkers, they all go out to eat together sometimes, some have been by the house for cookouts and things like that. All that is fine and well. I wouldn't be okay with him spending one-on-one time with another female though, and I don't think he needs to be discussing personal matters with another woman. I feel the same way about me and other men of course. We do trust each other, we just don't feel those are appropriate relationships.

mom2many2010 · #9 February 6th, 2012, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clouise

I guess it depends on the definition of "friend." I know my husband chats with his female coworkers, they all go out to eat together sometimes, some have been by the house for cookouts and things like that. All that is fine and well. I wouldn't be okay with him spending one-on-one time with another female though, and I don't think he needs to be discussing personal matters with another woman. I feel the same way about me and other men of course. We do trust each other, we just don't feel those are appropriate relationships.

You said it so much better then me!

cnote · #10 February 7th, 2012, 04:39 AM

Friendly is okay. Friends is not.

Repti.Mom · #11 February 7th, 2012, 05:48 AM

I have had lots of male friends, I prefer males over females honestly. Doesn't mean I want to or have slept with them though. Of course 99% of the time DH was with when we would all hang out, but there are a few of the neighbor guys that I absolutely love. It probably made DH feel confident since they were all pretty big losers in their own way IE: some didn't have jobs, one spends several months in jail a year because he can't / didn't pay his 20 year old child support etc etc, but they're fun guys to spend time with, and their drama brings me out of my own LOL I definitely wouldn't go out one on one with one of them, but I have spent time at the neighbor's house with just 'the guys' and nothing happened but some beers and food got consumed.

#5in2005 · #12 February 7th, 2012, 09:03 AM

Interesting.

Just to clarify where I'm coming from with the disagreement with my brother and how I got to this, he has been dropping comments for ages about how much I like a certain guy. Endless and very annoying. I am not denying that I like this certain fella a lot, BUT he is one of dh's closest friends and we're friends as couples, we visit with them regularly. We sometimes talk a bit when I run into him at church and I cut his hair. I really, really don't see a thing wrong with this, and because of my brothers comments I found myself asking dh if he did, and he said don't be ridiculous.

I would never be friends with someone that wasn't dh's friend first, and I would never even be an acquaintance to anyone that dh wouldn't be comfortable with.

Who wants an extra brother?? I can't even say anything about it, because then I'll seem defensive but I am finding it exceptionally insulting on a whole bunch of levels.

Anyways, I better stop ranting

UrbanMomma · #13 February 7th, 2012, 09:22 AM

No thanks on the brother, I have two of my own who can be difficult enough....LOL

Repti.Mom · #14 February 7th, 2012, 11:11 AM

I'll pass on the brother too, mine is strange enough

MarieJ · #15 February 7th, 2012, 07:14 PM

also have two strange brothers here

level of friendship is the deciding factor for me, and they should be mutual friends.

sarahlorrain · #16 February 8th, 2012, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmers-wife

If I am not good friends with the wife, I am not friends with the husband. If there is no wife, I keep very a simple, acquaintance level relationship. It is not a good plan to buddy up with men if you are a married woman. And a married man should not buddy up with women.

This, exactly!! I won't even send a friend request to a woman's husband without asking her first, unless it's like a high school friend who doesn't even live in the same state.

My best friend and I live across the street from each other and we both asked for permission to send the other's husband a friend request on FB. We also have a rather unspoken rule that we generally don't text or call the other's husband unless it involves the kids. For example, if my kids are playing at their house and she isn't home, I might text to make sure they are behaving or whatever.

cnote · #17 February 8th, 2012, 06:03 PM

Weird brother here too.

That whole scenario sounds perfectly normal to me. I know that I have texted my neighbor's DH about the kids or whatever. I consider all that stuff just friendly.

I hope you don't mind me asking this but am I normal for thinking it was a little wrong for another wife to text my husband saying she was "Disappointed in him and thought he had more respect"? I just feel like if she has issues with my man she should tell her husband and then he would tell my DH.

sarahlorrain · #18 February 8th, 2012, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cnote

I hope you don't mind me asking this but am I normal for thinking it was a little wrong for another wife to text my husband saying she was "Disappointed in him and thought he had more respect"? I just feel like if she has issues with my man she should tell her husband and then he would tell my DH.

Can you elaborate?

#5in2005 · #19 February 8th, 2012, 07:58 PM

No, I don't think it's normal. She is either seeking attention or drama from him. I don't know, if a guy in the "couple" friends was being an jerkI would maybe tell him to stop being one, but I woudn't text him about it later. I wouldn't never send a text like that to the man-friend in my above mentioned post (who I do not text)

Weird. Good thing you stayed home.

cnote · #20 February 9th, 2012, 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahlorrain

Can you elaborate?

My Dh went to a bar with a buddy to watch the superbowl. I stayed home, his friend's wife stayed home. His buddy went to the bar to get a drink and my DH swiped his buddy's cellphone. There was a text from the buddy's wife saying "Having fun?" My DH typed back "Oh yeah, John brought a hooker to the bar with huge boobs" His thought is that is was so outlandish that the wife would know it was a joke.

The wife got really upset. My DH apologized over the phone and also by text. I saw a previous text where she texted him back saying "It's okay". So at 1:00am in the morning I hear a text come in and it says "I am really disappointed in you and thought you had more respect than that." It was the wife for sure. Not a joke. We clarified it the next morning.

Personally I thought it was funny but can understand her being upset. It was not a very classy move on my DH's behalf. If I were in her shoes I would have accepted the apology & moved on. I just don't think it is her place to be telling my husband she is disappointed in him. Who is she..his mom?