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Inspired by the usernames thread: People not believing your family's size


Forum: Large Families

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  #1  
April 6th, 2012, 02:03 AM
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I thought the slight tangent that thread went on was really fascinating, part of me was secretly glad that it was just me who has had issues with being accused of being a 'troll', but most of me was disappointed that this seems to be a bit of a wide spread problem.

Have you had issues with people asking to prove your family's size, or faced discrimination due to the number of children you have?








I have a few little stories, the first, just a continuation of the parenting forum I used to be a member of that I mentioned on the usernames thread. I dont do photos on forums, just a me thing, its not something im hugely comfortable with yet (maybe because I havent been on a forum long enough to feel comfortable doing it, get back to me in a year or two and I may have changed my tune) and one other member did take that as a big sign that I was a 'fake'. Several other members didnt post photos, which I pointed out to her, but her comment was along the lines of "Yeah, but they dont have like 100 kids". One picture I did post was a picture that Sasha drew of our family, which I thought was really cute because he put our cats in it too and they were twice the size of us and wanted to share it, and was then accused of "stealing a child's drawing"

A "real life" incident, was when we went to the aquarium about two years ago, it was just me and the kids and there was a "get your photo taken with a stingray" thing and the kids wanted to get photos with them. The photographer let Sash, Dita and Azriel through, and then the guy taking the photos held me up when it was Sunny's turn to ask me if I had her parent's permission for her photo to be taken, I said that she's my daughter, and first he very rudely questioned why she was blonde when all the others had brown hair like me, like it was some kind of strange occurance for some children to inherit their father's hair colour and others to inherit their mother's, then when he accepted that they were all mine his reaction was "WOW, THEYRE ALL YOURS? **** LADY" Nice. Real nice.
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  #2  
April 6th, 2012, 04:57 AM
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***? Really?

This is gonna be interesting.
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  #3  
April 6th, 2012, 06:13 AM
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wow. I have never had problems online but I do get the "I cant believe they are all yours" alot. I had my oldest when I was 17 and she is in high school now. I went to pick her up from school a few weeks ago and the lady at the desk didnt believe I was her mom!
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  #4  
April 6th, 2012, 06:54 AM
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I have never had any problems online either but I'm only on jm and I have been here since my pregnancy with Nathalia in late 2004. Over the non believers all the time in real life usually I don't even have them all with me. Like "they're not all yours right" when I answer yes sometimes I'll get "but you didn't have them all,right" um yup I did and then one of mine will pipe up there's more at home too lOl the jaw dropping is pretty funny then. But yeah it takes quite a few minutes for some people to become believers, I remember after I had Nathalia I was at a catholic funeral and a young priest said oh your to young after he found out that she was my fifth, he quickly recovered and apologized but it was funny. I was 27 at the time.
The people that really irk me are the ones who complain about the overpopulation argument and using too many resources my family doesn't use any more resources than a regular 4 person family, we reuse, recycle,hand down, and grow our own; as much as we can I am raising very earth conscious children that will go out into the world and appreciate what they have and respect others and their environment, they will not expect things be handed to them and they will know the reward of self sufficiency. Ok off my soap box but really I see so many children being raised today who have this immense sense of entitlement and who have low morals and no firm values it really irritates me that some some so me as a target for having so many children but won't bat an eyelash at the 4000 sq ft house 4 car garage for 4 People.
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  #5  
April 6th, 2012, 07:41 AM
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I've never been called a troll nor have people not believed me when I say they're all mine. I guess I look young so whenever I'm pregnant I get "is this your first baby?" (when I'm alone of course). When I brought one of the kids to a new doctor I went up to the reception desk to check in and she said "well is your mom here" and I responded, I AM the mom... I always get more embarrassed than the other person seems to be though.
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  #6  
April 6th, 2012, 08:25 AM
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I still get "is tis your first?" but I think that is just a polite entry into conversation than a comment on how young I look. I just realized hat.

About the highschool, I think that would be awesome! You are young to have a17yo, but I think it would all be worth it to trip people out like that. I have a friend who married at 18 a man who had a 3 yo who he was raising alone. So years later, she is 30 with a 15 yo. She said it was fun to watch people do the math and she enjoyed not saying he isn't her birth child.

I did feel enviro guilt about the 12 pass van only getting 15-16 mpg. But I have since learned that normal minivans and cars are only getting 18-20 because of the ethanol gas. So now buying the little car makes us better than a 2 child family because we get 36 mpg, bought a ford, financed it so are supporting a bank.
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  #7  
April 6th, 2012, 10:47 AM
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I would always get it the most when it came to the last 2 boys; 3 of the kids have dark hair & brown eyes, and 1 is blonde with blue eyes.

Of course when I would confirm that all 4 are mine, they would follow it up with a "are they twins?" for the last two simply because they are very close in age, so they were the same size etc.

As to the troll thing - I don't think JM takes a hard enough stance against members who are abusive to others, especially when there are several members of a clique involved; I was even told by a couple members that some of the admins provided them with private information about other members because they can see everything - this is why I don't bother with JM much anymore, or post very often.
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  #8  
April 6th, 2012, 01:44 PM
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I've never been questioned either online.

I do get "Are they all yours?" but I think some of that is the age range of my kids and the fact that only the younger form some resemblance to each other. My kids range from pale (almost white) to very very dark. Some have blue eye's, some have brown. Some are a dark blond and some are brown haired. When I was little no one would believe my mom was my mom. My mom is pale, blonde hair and blue eyed. Then there was me, dark hair, dark skin and brown eye's. The funny thing is that all of my siblings look like my mom..then there is me.
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  #9  
April 6th, 2012, 01:56 PM
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I have had any trouble on Jm, but I pretty much only do large families. I have done two ddc, but I fade out after the babies were born. My jm fb friends are some of my favorites. Urban momma is one of my favorite people online or in real life!
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  #10  
April 6th, 2012, 04:06 PM
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I have had issues online which caused me to leave two other boards and change my username. It was really just one particular person who was accusing me of being fake, but everything I posted she turned into drama, so it was easier to leave.

In real life people have made comments but I get more along the lines that some of them can't be mine because I am pink pale and a few of my kids (Laliyaah and Elijaah especially) are pretty brown skinned. Once in a Toys R Us a security guard came to ask Laliyaah if she was "okay" when she was about 5 feet away from me, they thought she was lost.
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  #11  
April 6th, 2012, 04:32 PM
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I've never really had any trouble either. I was in the private room of my last ddc and there were some 'troll hunters' in there. One posted that she thought it was odd that people claiming to have children and be pg again wouldn't have anything to confirm it in their siggy and that she didn't even think the private forum was safe because she thought that a member was a troll. Ironically, I didn't have any pics in my siggy anymore because I took them down when I joined the ddc. I knew those places were breeding grounds for trolls, lol! Anyway, she may not have been talking to me but I posted anyway since I fit the criteria that...

speculating over who may or may not be a troll can in fact cause more drama than the troll themselves. JM has moderators to oversee this type of thing and they ask you to email them with your suspicions.

I don't believe in hunting down trolls and confronting them. If you think someone is a fake report them. They don't even have to know you did it and everyone can get on with their lives.

IRL, people are always shocked that they are all mine but no one has called me a liar.
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Last edited by Momtothe6thpower; April 6th, 2012 at 04:37 PM.
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  #12  
April 6th, 2012, 06:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanMomma View Post
In real life people have made comments but I get more along the lines that some of them can't be mine because I am pink pale and a few of my kids (Laliyaah and Elijaah especially) are pretty brown skinned. Once in a Toys R Us a security guard came to ask Laliyaah if she was "okay" when she was about 5 feet away from me, they thought she was lost.
Ive only gotten it once with Sunny (the time at the aquarium) and it bowled me over, she 100% has the physical features of DH's side, blonde colour, grey eyes, pixie-like facial structure (with the exception of Sasha actually, he has the pixie face), freckles, whereas all the other kids have brown hair, brown eyes, longer faces, freckle-free skin like me, so when I thought about it later, I was a little surprised that it hadnt come up before.

DH's little sister gets it a lot though. She has blonde hair, grey eyes, freckles, like DH. Her husband is of vietnamese descent and their two daughters have his features, her "story to tell" is once she lost both her kids in a shopping centre and was frantic, as you would be, a message came over the loudspeaker "Would Coraline and Jessalyn's mother please come to centre management" and she was so relieved, she ran there, and was quite heavily questioned before she was allowed to see them, because the lady at the desk was expecting a woman of asian descent to come to collect them, fortunately she had photos of them in her phone so she could prove that they were hers, didnt stop the lady at the desk from double checking with the kids "Are you really sure this is Mum?"
Other than that, she is often asked by other parents at the school if theyre adopted, which I think is a little rude to be honest.

Last edited by cybele; April 6th, 2012 at 06:19 PM.
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  #13  
April 6th, 2012, 06:32 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtothe6thpower View Post
I've never really had any trouble either. I was in the private room of my last ddc and there were some 'troll hunters' in there. One posted that she thought it was odd that people claiming to have children and be pg again wouldn't have anything to confirm it in their siggy and that she didn't even think the private forum was safe because she thought that a member was a troll. Ironically, I didn't have any pics in my siggy anymore because I took them down when I joined the ddc. I knew those places were breeding grounds for trolls, lol! Anyway, she may not have been talking to me but I posted anyway since I fit the criteria that...

speculating over who may or may not be a troll can in fact cause more drama than the troll themselves. JM has moderators to oversee this type of thing and they ask you to email them with your suspicions.

I don't believe in hunting down trolls and confronting them. If you think someone is a fake report them. They don't even have to know you did it and everyone can get on with their lives.

IRL, people are always shocked that they are all mine but no one has called me a liar.
95% of that behaviour is by the same clique on JM; none of them have ever been dealt with for that behaviour that I'm aware.

I go through the 'new posts' all the time on the site, and watched a handful of women (including 2 from that SAME clique) post in a DDC they did not even belong to attacking a woman claiming she was a liar & a fake because she found out that she was having conjoined twins. Of course she's as real as all of us and there has been an interview that they did as well as updated pictures after the girls were born just recently, and not a freaking peep out of those 'troll hunters' who didn't even publicly apologize to the woman.

Seriously, the new owners of JM really need to have a hard look at the rules and implementation so those that regularly behave in the manner described above are finally banned permanently; no more chances.
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  #14  
April 6th, 2012, 07:19 PM
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What does ddc stand for?

EDIT: nevermind, as soon as I hit post I figured it out. Yikes, im glad ive post-dated using those boards.
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  #15  
April 6th, 2012, 09:22 PM
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I have my haters online because I have a large family. They don't say it to my face, but I can tell by the comments. I just chalk it up to they don't really know me.

DH's family is critical of us having so many kids. They just don't get why we would want to. They think we're great parents, but they just don't care for kids. Most of his siblings chose not to have kids. Partying and money is more important to them. I haven't told them about this pregnancy because I know they won't care.

Most strangers I meet are surprised by the amount of kids I have, but mostly because they don't think I'm old enough. I think most people have a good attitude about it.
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  #16  
April 9th, 2012, 12:03 AM
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Sorry, been gone a while but this is an interesting post. I've had a good giggle at trolls on the Baby Centre boards, they come up with some of the most hysterical threads sometimes which immediately pinpoint them as trolls!

Never had any problems as I don't have that many kids and I'm kinda boring

I do however have a mixed bag of kids - two blondes with blue eyes, then a red head with freckles and green eyes and now a brunette with blue eyes. My DH and I both have very dark brown hair and brown eyes. He's Portuguese and I'm Anglo saxon. Everyone wants to know where the red head in particular comes from and very few are able to believe that his colouring actually comes from my grandfather on my mother's side because it's such a jump in genetics.

Oh, and the reason I don't post pics of my kids is because I've tried a few times using photobucket but for some reason I keep getting a message saying the link is invalid? Same link I use for other message boards so not sure why it doesn't work - but I'm not very good with these things so it's most likely just me being a bird brain!
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  #17  
April 9th, 2012, 11:57 AM
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Honestly there have been a few people on JM who I really didn't believe. They'd have crazy stories like three sets of triplets or something, lol. Or horrible crazy things happening to them one right after the other. Where they get a lot of "Oh poor you" threads... But whatever...I didn't question them. I pretty much just take people at face value...what is it to me if they aren't who they say they are? It's not like I'm giving them my personal info or sending them money or anything.
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  #18  
April 13th, 2012, 08:12 PM
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I'm pretty dull with only five kids, not really a fun target. Oh and I don't look very approachable IRL so nobody harasses me in public. I like it that way.
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  #19  
April 14th, 2012, 11:52 AM
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You have such a cool story though Marie! In fact I was telling your story to a mom I know IRL just last week. I had to resist saying "my friend who lives in my computer..." and instead went with "another adoptive mother I know..."
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  #20  
April 14th, 2012, 01:27 PM
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sometimes I can't believe my story, lol!
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