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  #21  
June 27th, 2012, 06:10 PM
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I think with NICU babies it's terrifying no matter what your situation. I can't imagine making it a competition. My son spent "only" 10 days. funny word only cause they were the most emotionally and physically exhausting days of my life. I met people there who had been there for months and I couldn't imagine how they got through it. No one wants a sick baby for 2 days or 2 years.

As far as family size. I dont know anyone (expcept my own parents) with more than 4 and thats only 1 or 2 families. We're like a sideshow around here. So no one even tries to compete. I do, however, get a whole lot of "you do know what causes that right?".
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  #22  
June 29th, 2012, 07:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anexia View Post
I think with NICU babies it's terrifying no matter what your situation. I can't imagine making it a competition. My son spent "only" 10 days. funny word only cause they were the most emotionally and physically exhausting days of my life. I met people there who had been there for months and I couldn't imagine how they got through it. No one wants a sick baby for 2 days or 2 years.

As far as family size. I dont know anyone (expcept my own parents) with more than 4 and thats only 1 or 2 families. We're like a sideshow around here. So no one even tries to compete. I do, however, get a whole lot of "you do know what causes that right?".
Her baby wasn't truly "sick." She was 36 weeks gestation and it was more or less a precautionary thing. She got to hold her from day one and spent those two days just down the hall from her and then they both went home together.
Sorry, but I found it rather arrogant of her to complain to someone whose baby was born, rushed to NICU right away, then sent to another NICU an hour away because the hospital he was born at was insufficient, and not able to be held until he was 2 weeks old to her just being able to walk feet down her hallway from her room to her baby for 2 days , held and nursed as well the whole time, then ultimatley able to go home with her and not leave her behind. Not to mention me having to go back and forth an hour each way having 5 other kids for a month. Also not knowing first 5 days if he'd even live.

While I do agree things are relative, with some situations it's comparing apples to oranges because even 2.5 yrs and another baby later, I still sometimes cry because of the experience and the lost time. Her dramatics with "my baby's brave battle in the NICU" for the first year after her birth was truly a slap in the face to those mothers like me, you, and even worse yet the mothers whose babies never made it out whole or at all.

I did feel she was being competitive because every time I would bring up what I went through with Sky she'd try to say "I know exactly what you mean..." Ummm, no she didn't.
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  #23  
June 29th, 2012, 11:43 AM
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Leaving your baby at the hospital while you're going home is THE worst, regardless of how long your baby ends up staying. And I'm not saying that it's not difficult, it's the "competition" factor in the drama that bugs me. I don't know, whenever I hear of someone with a 28 weeker I'm just glad it wasn't me.
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  #24  
June 29th, 2012, 03:04 PM
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Originally Posted by #5in2005 View Post
Leaving your baby at the hospital while you're going home is THE worst, regardless of how long your baby ends up staying. And I'm not saying that it's not difficult, it's the "competition" factor in the drama that bugs me. I don't know, whenever I hear of someone with a 28 weeker I'm just glad it wasn't me.
I agree. My point being she got to take her baby home. It's the most heartbreaking thing.....
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  #25  
June 29th, 2012, 05:42 PM
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I've never experienced that and I can honestly say that is a competition I would be happy to lose! I think we will be done after #5. I never thought I would have 5 kids so it seems like more than enough to me!
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  #26  
June 30th, 2012, 07:46 AM
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I didn't expect my twins to go home with me. Reagan was in for 2 weeks and I thought nothing of it. She wasn't very sick. I certainly don't consider them premies or fighting for their lives. I really didn't think it was a big deal to go home without them. But I'm weird and I was prepared for that outcome for 9 mths.
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  #27  
June 30th, 2012, 10:16 AM
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  #28  
June 30th, 2012, 11:02 AM
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Kya had to go to nicu for a week. She inhaled meconium at birth and developed pneumonia. I hated, hated leaving her there. She was the biggest baby in the nicu, some of them were so tiny and hooked to so many machines. It was so sad. The nicu was awful, I hate to see babies sick.
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  #29  
June 30th, 2012, 11:28 AM
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fine line between "almost" competitive and just stating a fact I guess. (I choose to see the latter).

It's just like everyone is "busy" and "tired", because we all have different standards for it.

I know people that think they're really busy and tired, I'm thinking of a girl I know that has a 2 year old and is expecting her second in october, and she is forever exhausted and can't keep up to her busy toddler. Is she tired? well yes, but all of us have been to a whole different level of tiredness that she doesn't even know exists. Is she busy? In her way, probably, but her life to any of us seems like a picnic, I think I'd almost be bored if I were in her shoes. (not that I'd ever tell her of course).

Maybe this is how it seems for you with extra big families, cause seriously, I think I'm plenty busy with the 5+1 that I have, and they're bigger, I'm totally relieved that I don't have any kids in the 0-5 range.

I'm glad that everyone is always supportive in here
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  #30  
June 30th, 2012, 12:52 PM
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I don't really feel any competition and like someone said...I'm okay with loosing.


The NICU is a horrible place that does amazing things. I have some guilt about this also. My sister at 16/17 gave birth to twins at the barely viable age, so 20 something weeks along. One was 1 lbs 1 oz, the other slightly bigger at 1lbs 5 ozs. The smallest has left an imprint on my brain that I have never been able to forget. She was black and blue from head to toe, I remember the doctor looking at her and saying...."If that is what her outside looks like, imagine what the inside looks like". My sister made the choice to let her go 3 days later to prevent her from anymore suffering. Crystal was laid to rest 4 days later.

Now the other baby, Reina, did really well, but I could never go up there and see her. No matter how much my sister asked....I could not do it. I truly feel I let my sister down, even though she says she understood.....my sister was a baby and I could not pull it together for her. Then 2 weeks before Reina was due to come home she got sick, some sort of infection. The meds to cure the infection were to much for her kidneys, and there was no hope of a transplant, at 5 1/2 months old my sister had to make an even harder choice and let her baby girl go. I am haunted every day by my choice, and the fact I could not move past it enough to have at least held my niece once.
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  #31  
June 30th, 2012, 03:38 PM
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The main question people thought that my cousin and I were in competition all the time, it drove us both nuts we both just wanted large families, she is now done though at 8 because she has had 8 c-sections and they said that her uterus is really really thin. She had her last one in November 2012. My mil also drives me batty she says all the time that we are just like her parents because they had 8; 5 girls and 3 boys so I'm super excited to be having another one and messing her theory up
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  #32  
June 30th, 2012, 08:08 PM
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I know people that think they're really busy and tired, I'm thinking of a girl I know that has a 2 year old and is expecting her second in october, and she is forever exhausted and can't keep up to her busy toddler. Is she tired? well yes, but all of us have been to a whole different level of tiredness that she doesn't even know exists. Is she busy? In her way, probably, but her life to any of us seems like a picnic
That is so funny. I was just thinking tonight about how exhausted I am and how I can't figure out how to come up with the energy to do all the things I want to with the kids and not get cranky by bedtime.
I remember when my first was a baby and I never wanted to run errands because it was sooo tiring to deal with her carsear over and over. Now I have 5 in carseats. Sometimes, when other moms complain I have to remind myself how hard it was with 1 or 2.

Quote:
-fine line between "almost" competitive and just stating a fact I guess. (I choose to see the latter
I agree, Sometimes its hard to get things to sound right. I think, with the NICU talk, most of us just want to talk. It's such an emotional thing, its nice to talk with people who understand.
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Last edited by anexia; June 30th, 2012 at 08:13 PM. Reason: Added quotes
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  #33  
June 30th, 2012, 11:34 PM
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Originally Posted by anexia View Post


I agree, Sometimes its hard to get things to sound right. I think, with the NICU talk, most of us just want to talk. It's such an emotional thing, its nice to talk with people who understand.
I like to talk about it, but no one I know even remotely understands. It's nice when someone just says "that must have been so hard" instead of relating how they couldn't go home for 24hrs. When I talk to other preemie moms about my kids, I hope I'm being encouraging, not saying that my experiences were worse than someone elses.
Btw, all my babies stayed in the nicu. They were all born from 35 to 25wks.
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  #34  
July 1st, 2012, 03:41 PM
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I'm mom to a preemie, too. Although, now that he is nearly 17, I hardly think of him like that anymore! If I mention that he came 15 weeks early, that he weighed less than 2 pounds and was in the hospital for 12 weeks, it isn't to brag. More like to express awe at how difficult a start the poor baby got and how well he has done ever since.
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  #35  
July 2nd, 2012, 10:41 AM
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I get it. It's all relative... I still can't fathom how someone whose baby was in the NICU 48 hours and not truly sick, but more or less under observation, and actually got to come home with her can say that she can relate to my child being essentially ripped out of my arms and sent an hour away at another hospital and in for the first month of his life.

But I digress.......
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  #36  
July 5th, 2012, 05:39 AM
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I see a few women with this competition mindset.

We visited a friend's church last year and as we were introduced from one family to another I was introduced as "just has 5."

We just found out we are expecting twins. We truly pray they both grow healthy and strong and make it, yet I *hate* that our instant jump to seven will make us more worthy in some of these ladies' books. :S

Now - other friends will just pity me. So which is better???
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  #37  
July 5th, 2012, 06:28 AM
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Congrats on the new babies! That is exciting. I always wanted twins, but now I think it would kill me.
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  #38  
July 5th, 2012, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Farmers-wife View Post
Congrats on the new babies! That is exciting. I always wanted twins, but now I think it would kill me.

Oh me too Farmerswife....me too. Although another baby at all would kill me right now.....
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  #39  
July 5th, 2012, 01:43 PM
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Not me....I really don't know many people that have even four like us, or that have their kids so close together. We are in this one alone, lol.

All of mine were preemies too, and I really don't like to talk about it. I feel like the past is the past, they're all healthy now, and I just want to move on. If I know someone who has a baby in the NICU or is at risk of premature birth I'll try to lend them support and encouragement, but that's the only time it really comes up.
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