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Ill try to keep it short lol I can get long winded.
I met SO 5yrs ago, almost 6. He had told me he had a son, but the mom had taken off and hadnt seen him since he was 6months old. Fast forward to the following Feb. ex contacts SO and tells him she is taking him to court for child support, go to court..get to meet his son for the first time..he was almost 2. She decides she doesnt want to go infront of the judge and agrees to mediation, she will contact us with the appointments and such. We wait and wait.
End of september(2009) comes and she emails him saying he has to sign his rights over or get involved with his son. We make a day to see him. we get 2 hrs to hang out with him. great.
NOW before I go further, a little history on her. She has 3kids, by 3 different dads, SO raised her oldest for 2yrs, before she found someone else and took off with the boys. She had social services involved since her oldest was born. When she took us to court, she was pregnant with her youngest, and he was born in june. august she broke up with his dad and when we went to see DSS she was with another man.
Anyways, so we pick DSS up, she doesnt send diapers,wipes,stroller etc with him. his shoes are 2 sz too small, so we end up going shopping for everything. We have an awesome time and take him home. He doesnt want to go, so we stay for a bit. The apt has garbage bags PILED up in the enterance way and the kitchen. BM and her bf are sitting there smoking with the windows closed(all 3 boys have asthma) and baby had just gotten off a feeding tube. baby john is lying propped up with a pillow, puke and milk all over the place.
I was disgusted. we called ss when we got home
we left and about 2days later she calls and asks us to take DSS for the weekend. No problem. they come to drop him off and drop off both other boys also. No worries, BUT nothing for them, no diapers, formula, clothes, NOTHING. again called ss. documented.
The boys didnt go home after the weekend. We had them dropped off oct. 4... she came to get the oldest one to take him to his dads on NOVEMBER 10th. We had DSS and baby til dec 4 and she picked them up, had them for 2 days and needed a break so brought them back for a "couple" days. I called her and told her she needed to pick up baby on dec 23 because i was taking DSS and my DD on a 10hr bus ride to see SO (he works the rigs) and have Christmas with him.
I got home dec 26 and baby was back the same day. In this whole time she has moved 5 times because ss is investigating her.
They both went home jan 10 for 4days and came back again and stayed until april 18 when she came to pick up baby, and we called the cops because at this point we had been to court to get guardianship of both but our court date wasnt for another 2 weeks. We had seen our court counselor 2days prior and she had said how healthy and chubby baby had been.
the cops couldnt let us keep baby because we didnt have paperwork yet. So they let her take him home. BUT they arrested her bf for driving with a suspended lisence, no insurance, no registration and no carseats for the older boy(4 at the time)
2weeks later we went to court and our court counselor stood up in front of the judge after seeing baby, he was 1/2the size of the last time she saw him, his head was shaved and he was just sitting in his stroller with no expression what so ever. With the pics of bruises and horrible rashes the boys used to come back with and my court counselors statement the judge gave us full parenting,with all decision making and gave her supervised visitation. Baby's dad got visitation.
Both boys have significant delays in development and they are getting tested for FAS. John didnt start walking or talking until he was 2 and DSS is 5 but is at a 2.5yr old level of thinking. John is at 18months and he is 3. Their oldest brother lives 3hrs away with his stepmom and has lots of issues also.
I read this and just had to think. Wow. It is a wonderful thing that the boys have you and your SO in their lives to give them stability and love.
Does the mother have drug problems? Are you able to terminate her rights and adopt the boys? Seems like it would be easier all around if she just kinda went away for good.