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How do/did your family and friends react to you having a large family?


Forum: Large Families

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  • 1 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 3 Post By UrbanMomma
  • 1 Post By therevslady
  • 3 Post By sarahlorrain
  • 2 Post By Kristina
  • 1 Post By Momtothe6thpower

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  #1  
August 29th, 2012, 03:00 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We have 4 and I feel like everyone is telling us that is enough! We are a blended family and #4 was our 1st together. We have custody of the other 3. While I was pregnant a few relatives and friends were saying things like "now that you have 1 together your family is complete" and "your not going to have another one are you?" It really bothered me! We had thought about having more. Honestly I have always wanted a big family! I have 8 siblings (steps and halves included) and I really like it!

So have you had to deal with criticism over your family size? What do you say? How do you deal with it?
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  #2  
August 29th, 2012, 07:59 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My dad doesn't talk to us, my in laws are polite but think we are nuts, my mom thinks it is wonderful, but she is a bipolar alcoholic who lived in the woods for ten years.

You can't let others decide this for you. They all ave opinions and most are negative. If you and your husband want to have more, go for it. We have a ton of threads on this subject and what say in response to the comments.
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  #3  
August 29th, 2012, 09:22 PM
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Mine don't really care. What concerns they do have are more about my health then anything, and I can understand where they are coming from.
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  #4  
August 30th, 2012, 12:36 PM
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Yeah, I don't care what anyone thinks.....
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  #5  
August 30th, 2012, 12:42 PM
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Our parent's don't like it. They want different things for our children than we do. They think we shouldn't have any more because of money. They believe in GIANT Christmases full of ridiculous amounts of presents, each kid should have their own room with too many toys, as many extra curriculars as their schedule can hold, etc. We just don't have the same values.
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  #6  
August 30th, 2012, 12:55 PM
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Our first was a boy and second was a girl so everyone would say oh your family is complete now. Then we had another boy and another girl. Some people finally caught on and will say when are you having more but there are still some that will say oh now you have 2 of each how perfect. My kids love having their siblings and tell everyone that we're going to have at least one more because we're adopting.
Our families have learned not to comment.
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  #7  
August 30th, 2012, 03:24 PM
sarahlorrain's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My family thinks we shouldn't have more because of $$, but they can go fly a kite. We don't ask any of them them for financial help, so I feel it's not their business.

Like Que mentioned, we have different values than a lot of people. Our kids don't get a lot of toys - go play outside with the dog, the cats or the chickens! Climb a tree!

I actually just put a pause on our satellite service to save money and get the kids to quit asking to watch TV all the time. It's great so far!!!

I love having a bunch of kids and spending time with them. I also kind of enjoy the "you are crazy" looks we get from people. I can't wait until I'm obviously pregnant! Haha!
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  #8  
August 31st, 2012, 04:34 AM
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After #5 everyone just assumes we are having more and close friends and family have learned to bite their tongues and say congrats or they dont get to learn the news of a new pregnancy until everyone else does at like 20 weeks. I love having a large family and my kiddos are so super excited about the new baby, they all well except for Thayer and Malayna brought am u/s pic to school today, Thayer didn't cuz well he;s jsut like that, and malayna didn't because she said the face is too dark she didn't like it lol. I figure if they are that excited to have another sibling I must be doing an alright job thats all that matters.
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  #9  
August 31st, 2012, 09:47 AM
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I've had extended family ask if I know what causes it and if I'm trying to be like my paternal grandmother (she had 11, raised 10 (1 was stillborn?? ) I love the aunts uncles and cousins at family reunions. I look forward to being the matriarch (and patriarch) of similar gatherings.
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  #10  
August 31st, 2012, 06:55 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~mommy~ View Post
I've had extended family ask if I know what causes it and if I'm trying to be like my paternal grandmother (she had 11, raised 10 (1 was stillborn?? ) I love the aunts uncles and cousins at family reunions. I look forward to being the matriarch (and patriarch) of similar gatherings.
All our grandmas combined had 16 and we are at 9! I have more than anyone on my family tree that goes back to the 1700s.
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  #11  
October 24th, 2012, 08:17 AM
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I have some friends that are always excited when I announce our pregnancies. Then I have some that are completely negative. When I made this announcement of my pregnancy this time I lost a friend. Oh well their loss!!! Family on the other hand are mostly negative on both sides. But, in my opinion it's noones business how many children we decide to have. Since, when do people think they have a say in our family sizes? I am a happy and wouldn't have it any other way!
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  #12  
October 24th, 2012, 08:43 AM
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It seems like #4 is the lucky number that brings on the most negative comments at one time.
Family finally backed off and friends like to laugh and tease but I like to laugh and tease with them so it wouldn't be fair if I go mad over it.
That's not to say that I don't think there are people out there that talk bad about me behind my back. I'm sure I've been the topic of some pretty good 'I want to feel superior today' rants.
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  #13  
October 24th, 2012, 09:47 AM
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Number 4 was when we reached the point where we had two of each, everyone assumed we'd be done then too I guess. Then we had 3 of each, and ruined that too No one makes negative comments. DH gets some teasing at work, but I don't think they mean it in a mean way.
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  #14  
October 24th, 2012, 10:20 AM
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When I was pg with #5 I started people that we were planning on having 8.

Fil used to throw out a comment or 2 way back when, but changed his tune when he wanted us to keep trying for a boy, but hasn't said anything after #2 about that either, cause even though fil drives me nuts, he adores his granddaughters.

My one brother has 5, the other has 4. I never get any grief.
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  #15  
October 24th, 2012, 10:47 AM
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I could type out everything people on all sides of the family think but honestly - it doesn't matter. I just accept them for who they are and what they think. If they press me on a reaction I simply tell them that their views and my views are not the same and that I'm pretty sure nothing we say to each other will change the other's view so why argue about it especially since I don't disrespect the way they feel about or do things by talking negatively about it. But the minute they see - neglect, abuse, or lack of provision for *needs* - then they will be free to tell me all about it.

It has been funny though on my dad's side - because most of "my generation" (what we call the grandkids --- my kids are "the great-grandkids", etc) - went on to have 3 to 4 each. While our parents only had 1 or 2 each. My grandparents had 10. I have a couple of cousins who would have had more but they each had to have emergency hysterectomies.

I'm like several others that have posted above - my values and others' values are not the same. Therefore the way we live our lives will not be the same. I'm okay with that.
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  #16  
October 24th, 2012, 11:50 AM
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We really haven't gotten any grief about having the 4. For years, my husband told everyone we were done at 3 so they were surprised when we had the 4th, but I don't think angry in any way. My parents definitely didn't think anything of it because they had 4. We haven't told anyone else besides our girls that I am pregnant again. Again, I don't think that my family will make one peep about it, certainly not my parents. One of my sisters MIGHT say something, but whatever. We're more concerned about hubby's parents. I will admit that they do help us out quite a bit with some things, particularly since he has been back in school since right after we had #4, BUT we didn't ask for the help -- they volunteered it. They can decline at any time. I NEVER ask them for anything. I'm not always sure about hubby, but I definitely don't. And even without any of the "help" they provide, our girls have never gone without anything that they "need", and they have been allowed to play sports, etc.
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  #17  
October 24th, 2012, 09:04 PM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Proud Mama to 5 girls
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My MIL was the only person that had issues with us having more then 3 but now she knows this is who I am and what I want so she doesn't say much, all my friends are always happy they all think I am crazy but they love me and my babies
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  #18  
October 26th, 2012, 03:46 PM
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my family doesn't know they have a say in how or when or if we procreate. None of their business. Tell them to back off and be happy. Make choices in your life with joy and integrity, not based on how others will react.
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  #19  
October 26th, 2012, 08:38 PM
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Both sides of our families hate us having many children and have been down right evil about it. our realtionship is very strained and almost no talking because of all the childen. I no longer give a crap! lol we are waiting upon the arrival of our tenth any minute now. plus we are also starting the "grandparent" thing now and are making our own family memories with our grandkids. we are expecting our 3rd grandchild in a few months. I am 40 and hubby is 42.. We are VERY happy with large family fun...lol
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