Log In Sign Up

Question best posed here?


Forum: Large Families

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree6Likes
  • 1 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 1 Post By Counting our Blessings
  • 1 Post By mom2many2010
  • 2 Post By Rebelmommy
  • 1 Post By #5in2005

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Large Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
November 25th, 2012, 10:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,107
I desparately need some input, but no forum seems to be exactly the right fit....
So can you ladies help me out?

My DH and I are both getting ready to turn 36. We have two great kiddos, DS is 5 and DD is 3. I have been back and forth on whether we want a third and DH is even less sure (though I think he would be on board if I was really, really convinced). We both work full-time out of the house, and while I just can't seem to shake the desire to have another baby, I have some concerns, as well.

On the "pro" side, I love being pregnant. I feel like giving my kids another sibling is the greatest gift I could give them...And I absolutely love being a mom. It's the job I never knew I wanted and the one that I value the most....mothering those kids makes my life meaningful. I feel like I want the chance to really savor every moment of another pregnancy.

On the "con" side, we both work full-time and feel like our time and energy is already taxed. We are both pretty type-A and are not laid back enough to "go with the flow" when things turn to utter chaos. For a few years, two of the kids would need to share a room until my son is old enough to move downstairs. And my son is starting kindergarten next year and we want to send him to private school, so we'd have one in private school and two in daycare, which is a big hit financially.

I'm just wondering if you can tell me what it was like to go from 2 to 3. Was it a big adjustment? Did you feel like you could give less of yourself to your other kids? Did your desire to have a big family evolve over time or did you always know it was what you wanted? I know 3 does not constitute a big family and it's probably absurd to think that women with 7-10 kids might say, "no, don't do it" , but I'm still curious, given our circumstances, if anyone might have some advice? I posted this question over a year ago, when I was far less serious (and this forum seemed to be less active). Now we are thinking that we would start trying in the next 6 months if we decide the decision is right. Can you help me out?

Thank you all for reading my ramblings and I really look forward to hearing what you have to say.
__________________
Shannon, proud mommy to:
Jackson-10/19/07
Kate-12/21/09
Reply With Quote
  #2  
November 25th, 2012, 11:17 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,066
I can't speak to your situation as I am not type a, wouldn't put themin day care or private school, and very much have evolved into going with the flow. So my perspective wouldn't help you at all. But I will tell you about my third child. She is amazing. Brilliant, beautiful, talented. A little bossy, but who isn't? She can do or be anything she wants. I can't imagine life without her. She is funny, witty, and can make me actually lol.

So, yeah, go for it. I will say having her, going to three, really does help you get over all that control and trying to make things perfect for them.
UrbanMomma likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
November 25th, 2012, 11:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,604
I honestly don't remember it being tough going from 2-3 being rough. For me, it was going from 7-8...that was the toughest transitition.

But, I am home full time and homeschool, so I won't be able to comment on the "hardness" of getting them to daycare and school.

Both my hubby and I are pretty relaxed and have learned to enjoy chaos So for us, the more the merrier. We are very strict on a clean house though, it keeps mama sane. But for us the number of kids is up to the Lord and so we accept whatever He gives us. I only say that because it means the decision has never been up to us. We are now expecting number 10 and live on one income and have made it.

For some, it's a lifestyle they want to be able to continue is the determining factor, so for you might play into it. If it's really important for your son to be in private school, will you still be able to do that? I understand because we won't do public school either, so for us it's homeschooling.

But, having another child/sibling is such a blessing it's hard to put a monetary value on it. But, you have to be able to be around to teach, guide and love on the child as well. So it depends on how much and long you will be working.

Hope that helps!
Farmers-wife likes this.
__________________
Jesus loving, homeschooling, gardening lover, devoted wife to a wonderful hubby and 10 kids, ages 13 down to 12.5 months . We are expecting number 11 due January 1st, 2015.

Reply With Quote
  #4  
November 25th, 2012, 12:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,107
Thank you both for your responses. Just to provide some additional insight, I have a very family-friendly job. I work 8:30-4:30, never travel, don't work on weekends and can leave during the day anytime I need. So I never miss the kids' school events and frequently take the day off to prepare for a birthday party or other "family event." However, my husband and I both have school loans and it is necessary for us both to work in order to maintain the lifestyle that we want. Nothing extravagent, but without the constant pressure and stress of worrying about money. It obviously comes at a price, because in a perfect world, I would stay home. But these are the choices we made. I would never let "money" completely stand in the way of having another baby, but it's certainly one of many factors. I get that no one regrets having a child and I wouldn't either. But it's unrealistic to think that another baby wouldn't require more of us and I just want to make sure that we have that "more" to give. The problem? I don't know what "more" is. Our family with two children already seems a little chaotic to me....so is having a third no big deal or does it drastically increase the craziness. The only thing I can think to do is look to others who have been there and done that to try and get a better picture of what's going on. My DH and I don't use birth control, but it requires a little more of us to get pregnant. While I, too, think that children are blessings given to us by God, we have to do our part to help in the miracle and it wouldn't come from NTNP or NFP for us.
__________________
Shannon, proud mommy to:
Jackson-10/19/07
Kate-12/21/09
Reply With Quote
  #5  
November 25th, 2012, 12:48 PM
Rebelmommy's Avatar Mommy to controlled chaos
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,673
I had 3 children in 40 months and to be honest the transition was hardly noticeable I am not really a type A personality though and what i found is that with children, you really do have to go with the flow, because they are their own little people and will not always want to do what you want them to do..LOL

My youngest child will be 7 in 10 days and we were in a position like you, where I love being a mom and being that DH and I were getting older we thought about it and figured it was now or never and we would give it 6 months to happen and if it didn't we would take that as a sign.. we got pregnant the second month we tried
__________________
----------------------------------------------------------
Mommy to:
Ashley (02/18/94) Rhiana (08/20/02) Tierney (05/23/04)
Talon
(12/05/05) Creighton (01/31/13) (05/02/14)


Reply With Quote
  #6  
November 25th, 2012, 02:56 PM
MIL2lissy8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,185
i did not find it difficult to go from 2 to 3....that was 28 years ago and all three were boys. so i had the baby stuff, the hand-me-down clothes and toys. i was pretty much single because my husband at the time worked nights and slept days. i stayed home with the boys and we did all right. i went on to have a surprise daughter two years later and she changed things dramatically...not because she was number 4 but because she was born sick and required a LOT of hospital/dr office time as well as constant care for the first 2+ years. all that said, i would say that you should go for it. i have no regrets about any of mine. God bless you as you decide and give you a peace about your choice.
__________________
school's out for the summer.....

~~terre~~
Reply With Quote
  #7  
November 25th, 2012, 03:19 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Somewhere near Detroit, MI
Posts: 8,841
Send a message via Yahoo to UrbanMomma
I agree with FW.

My #3 is pretty amazing, stubborn, but talented and wonderful and I love him, of course we are baking #11 now, and I think all of them are pretty darn special and couldn't imagine life without them!!
__________________
Jenifer....The Queen Bee
#12 is on the way
Reply With Quote
  #8  
November 25th, 2012, 03:52 PM
~mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,474
My #3 just asked me if he was born in America. I told him he was. He then asked "So I could be President some day if I wanted?" I said "Yes, you can" He is in first grade and the 2 teacher's he has had adore him and his 1st grade teacher is amazed by how well he interacts with others and what a good friend he is. I was very concerned about the transition from 2-3 I had more dc than hands, but it was fairly seamless. I have become a non type A with a lot of help? from 6dc and you really do end up going with the flow if for no other reason than to protect your sanity. Good luck with your decision.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #9  
November 25th, 2012, 04:43 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melba, Idaho
Posts: 2,592
Child 1-2 was the hardest for me, but they were 11 months apart. Really after that it wasn't difficult. I mean there is a bit of adjustment in the beginning, but that's really true no matter what number it is.

I also don't work but I also know of quite a few larger families were both parents work, they manage and have happy healthy children. the only thing with three is that you might need to learn to down the type A personality, not a lot but you do have to accept that sometimes it's just not going to go the way you want. If you can go in knowing that it won't always be amazing, then go for it.

No one every regrets having more kids, but people do regret not having them.
UrbanMomma likes this.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #10  
November 25th, 2012, 04:57 PM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,468
"No one ever regrets having more kids, but people do regret not having them." Best quote ever!!

Like most others here, the transition from 2-3 wasn't that bad. Having one was a big adjustment, and it was a pretty big adjustment going from 1 to 2. After 2, I have always believed that it doesn't really matter how many after that. You will have to tone down the Type A a little, at least in my opinion.

We are on #5, and both my husband and I work full time, and he also goes to school full time currently. It is not always easy, and we hope some day that is not the case. You just have to determine what sacrifices you are willing to make, and what ones you aren't.

I work with a woman who has told me countless times since I had #4 that she wishes she would have had more. She considers herself stupid for not doing it. She only had 2, and she tells me all the time that I am smart for having more. Again, this was after #4. We'll see how everyone feels once they find out about #5.
__________________
Mommy to Jasmine (17), Kirsten (13), Ana (12), Katie (2), Xavier (1), and...



Reply With Quote
  #11  
November 25th, 2012, 05:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,684
I went from 2-4 then to 3. Honestly the biggest transition for me so far was 1-2.

I am type A. I need to make sure they are in great daycares, great schools, how are finances going to work. I feel like I need to control every day. One thing I have learned is that I can't control everything.

Now that I am pregnant again and DH is still talking about wanting one more I do worry about money, space and time but I have faith it will all work out, I worried before each child anyway.
__________________
MOM of 6!

Thanks to Bokkechick for my wonderful Siggy!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
November 25th, 2012, 08:43 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
Like the others, a lot of what applies to you doe not to me- I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mom-but I will say that none of our transitions have been unmanageable at all. I think it is definitely worth it
Reply With Quote
  #13  
November 26th, 2012, 05:52 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,107
Thank you all for your responses and advice. I feel like if I was done, I would have been able to put it behind me.....But as much as I try to talk myself out of trying for another one (I even gave most of our baby stuff away), I always come back to wanting a third.
__________________
Shannon, proud mommy to:
Jackson-10/19/07
Kate-12/21/09
Reply With Quote
  #14  
November 26th, 2012, 06:11 AM
Rebelmommy's Avatar Mommy to controlled chaos
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,673
Quote:
Originally Posted by babysam View Post
Thank you all for your responses and advice. I feel like if I was done, I would have been able to put it behind me.....But as much as I try to talk myself out of trying for another one (I even gave most of our baby stuff away), I always come back to wanting a third.
From experience I can tell you that that feeling will not go away. If you don't feel "finished" or "complete" than I would say take it as a sign to go for it! Every reason you may find for not having another is manageable if you really want to have a 3rd
sarahlorrain and HalfDozen like this.
__________________
----------------------------------------------------------
Mommy to:
Ashley (02/18/94) Rhiana (08/20/02) Tierney (05/23/04)
Talon
(12/05/05) Creighton (01/31/13) (05/02/14)


Reply With Quote
  #15  
November 26th, 2012, 06:55 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,230
I feel that all type A people should have more kids than they think they can handle it makes us nicer people.
I have with my 5th what you have considering a third. I always said I wanted 4 or 5, and figured I was done after my 4th, gave away my stuff etc. So glad I changed my mind. We never thought about having more after her, our family feels complete.
Rebelmommy likes this.
__________________
mom of 5 girls
Reply With Quote
  #16  
November 26th, 2012, 08:07 AM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Smalltown, USA
Posts: 7,280
Quote:
Originally Posted by babysam
Thank you all for your responses and advice. I feel like if I was done, I would have been able to put it behind me.....But as much as I try to talk myself out of trying for another one (I even gave most of our baby stuff away), I always come back to wanting a third.
Some babies are born into our hearts before they ever reach our wombs. I think you already know your answer.

2-3 was my hardest transition but I had 3 more so it obviously wasn't that bad.
__________________
C...mom to A, C, E, L, I, and R
Reply With Quote
  #17  
November 26th, 2012, 08:50 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,107
Quote:
Originally Posted by #5in2005 View Post
I feel that all type A people should have more kids than they think they can handle it makes us nicer people.
I love this! My two kiddos have toned me down quite a bit, but I will completely confess to making them sit for 200 pictures while I try to get it just right. I have some work to do!
__________________
Shannon, proud mommy to:
Jackson-10/19/07
Kate-12/21/09
Reply With Quote
  #18  
November 26th, 2012, 09:36 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 15,630
We have 7 and I think I'm still pretty type A. I don't schedule all their activities after school and have every minute of the day on a calendar, but if the house is dirty, and things are a little out of routine I get kinda crabby.

I wont give away my baby stuff this time. I never learned til now LOL Even the unisex baby clothing I have I'm keeping. I know clothing doesn't cost that much, but still I can't let it go.

2-3 was kinda difficult for me, I was working full time though and was even more type A than I am now. My #3 is pretty dramatic. She's the one you know will cry or pout about something before anyone else. She's also probably the one who will have the most kids herself though. She loves babies and girly stuff.
__________________







Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:03 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0