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Help me advise my sister


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  • 1 Post By Repti.Mom
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  #1  
December 30th, 2012, 08:45 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quick back story: she is 5 years younger than me. She is a fabulous hospice nurse. Gay, never married, no kids. She takes care of our mom, bipolar, on ssi, former homeless, alcoholic. My sister is her payee with ssi and pays her bills, gets her groceries, takes her to the doctor. Got this email from her this morning: oh, Mary is our mother. They live in Orlando, 4 hours, 250 miles from me (not on accident!).

"Help. I'm too pissed to talk now but I need advice to have serious intervention with Mary. She's become the trailer park ***** for beer. I'm not joking or exaggerating. Please, what can I do ? Call me later.

I had Long talk with neighbor who is greatly concerned and was honest with me . I've called many times and can tell she's wasted. Had boyfriend Chris, I think his brother Jim too and now Carl. We met Carl yesterday . I thought she was lying about him living few trailers up . I seriously thought he was homeless man living there with her. They met last week.

I've been informed new years party at her house Monday. Really. What the **** ? And all these folks smoke in her trailer. I told her and Carl no smoking inside and no drinking. They just looked at me. Smoking inside is nasty but I'm afraid they will burn the trailer down !"

I will call her later, but what should I tell her.
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  #2  
December 30th, 2012, 11:21 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wouldn't know what to tell her. All I know is there is only so much you can help a person to help themselves before you have to give up.
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  #3  
December 30th, 2012, 11:37 AM
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Yeah ... I am stumped too. I mean, she can't lock her up or anything and she's an adult.

What's the word that was asterisked out?

Bummer of a situation.
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  #4  
December 30th, 2012, 11:49 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm guessing trailer park w-h-o-r--e
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  #5  
December 30th, 2012, 12:57 PM
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Is this your mother ? Im really sorry that you 2 are having to deal with this. you said she is bipolar? I dont know very much about bipolar but do you think it could have something to do with her current behavior? Is she taking meds for that?

Whos house is it, your moms or sisters? if its your sisters can she take the keys and not allow anyone to come in for the part? I mean a fear of actually burning down the house is a big deal.
I dont really have any advice either except if it is mental health issues causing this then she needs to remedy that first. huugs to you and your sister...
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  #6  
December 30th, 2012, 01:16 PM
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Is she taking her med's? are the med's right?

Beyond that, what can be done? Is she a threat to others? Is she a threat to herself? With Ted I have learned that sometimes there isn't much I can do, especially with him being an 'adult'.
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  #7  
December 30th, 2012, 03:03 PM
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That was my guess on the word too Repti. If that's the case and she is sleeping around my first concern would be for her health and physical safety.
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  #8  
December 30th, 2012, 03:32 PM
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Isn't there any kind of adult protective services or, I don't know what it would be called, but here its called PIC. Psychiatric Intervention Clinic. The sleeping around and letting random men live with her would/could put her in danger. No kind of psych services were they will put an involuntary hold on her??

I don't know. I agree with Repti, only so much helping someone before you have to just say enough is enough.

Good luck.
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  #9  
December 30th, 2012, 03:34 PM
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She sounds like she is having a bipolar high. Can they see if she needs more meds or different meds.
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  #10  
December 30th, 2012, 04:59 PM
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I was going to suggest it being a problem with her meds too, either a bad reaction or the wrong dosage. Does she see her doctor regularly?
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  #11  
December 30th, 2012, 05:00 PM
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Thanks for your input. I suggested that we call the elder care people but she doesn't want to bother them. She had calmed down by then. She said she will just wait til she breaks her hip and put her in a nursing home and be done with it.
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  #12  
December 30th, 2012, 05:49 PM
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Hide the milk!

Sorry it's not really funny, but I couldn't help myself.
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  #13  
December 30th, 2012, 06:51 PM
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Oh no, we laugh. We laugh hard and often. We have to.
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  #14  
December 30th, 2012, 09:35 PM
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Good Lord, if its not our kids its our parents!

Sounds like a mental health intervention is required. Seriously, who lives like that? 250miles sounds too close to me, come up here!
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  #15  
December 31st, 2012, 06:00 AM
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Yeah, we moved to California when #1 was born and she came up here.

She is on meds, big time. She just wants beer and attention from men. Nothing has changed since I was 6. I think the beer could affect her meds, though, right? She is completely pickled. Even if she stopped drinking, smoking she would never heal. How do I make sure none of mine end up like this?
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  #16  
December 31st, 2012, 07:09 AM
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Hugs FW, I can't imagine dealing with this. I would also check into some social servies programs and see if there is anything they can do. I would also check with her doctor and see what the options are. Can they hospitalize her somehow until her meds are correct?

Oh, so sad. I wish I had some answers for you.
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  #17  
December 31st, 2012, 08:06 AM
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Just be thankful you are not an only child I guess. It does sound like she needs her meds adjusted, but it is hard with her being an adult.
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  #18  
December 31st, 2012, 08:38 AM
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they said it all already. it sure is a sad situation.
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  #19  
December 31st, 2012, 02:27 PM
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How sad. Does sound like her meds are not working. What about a 72 hour psych hold?
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