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  • 2 Post By UrbanMomma
  • 1 Post By Momtothe6thpower
  • 2 Post By mom2many2010

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  #1  
January 14th, 2013, 11:25 AM
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Hello!I know this might not right board but since we all have large families, I'm seeking advice on how best to deal with problem I been having my 13 year old daughter. Last night, she was up past bedtime because she had forgotten that she had HW due on monday that she needed to do. I let her stay up to finish it but I decide to ground her today as punishment for procrastinating her HW. My 17 year old daughter Olivia told me yesterday that was not first time Diana who is my 13 yr old procrastinates on her HW. Olivia has seen her sister doing HW before school and on the car because she had forgotten to do it. I really don't know how deal with it without getting angry and mad at her. But I figure that getting mad or angry is not going solve anything,then I though giving her early bedtime but 13 year old would not care about an early bedtime. Does anybody have any solutions or ideas?Maybe something that has work for your family. Has anybody done contracts were you list out rules and consequences?Does that work?

Thank you,

Last edited by paigestephymom; January 14th, 2013 at 11:39 AM.
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  #2  
January 14th, 2013, 11:46 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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She'll care about an early bedtime if she's got nothing in her bedroom to do other than sleep.

M2M is better at punishments than I am lol

Here, homework is done immediately after school. I don't care if it's a monday or friday. We don't procrastinate homework til Sunday. If they don't do it, they don't do anything else for the weekend.
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  #3  
January 14th, 2013, 12:04 PM
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By 13, I really don't think I have to hound a child to do homework. Let her deal with the consequences of procrastinating, such as little or no sleep, bad grade, etc. At some point they have to learn to do things on their own.

I always was a last minute homework kinda girl at her age, I got good grades, but sometimes I lost sleep over it. It was just the way I worked. Maybe she's a "better under pressure" kinda girl?
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  #4  
January 14th, 2013, 12:25 PM
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I really don't know if she is better under pressure kind of girl. But I think this somewhat my fault, I don't really set time for them to do homework for my older ones. I assume since they are older and mature,they can do homework without mommy and daddy hounding over them. My 8 yr old since she is home-school,I don't have that problem yet but next year she is going go to an co-ed private school,so I'm going see how HW problem develops.

I'm thinking taking out her TV and her Itouch dock station and taking away her iPad if I decide enact an early bedtime.I'm trying think what is best punishment for her, like today I ground her from cheerleading practice and having friends over after-school.She was mad about it, she was huffing and puffing but I just ignored her. I need think resolve this problem before it gets worse.
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  #5  
January 14th, 2013, 12:29 PM
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My fourteen yr old is doing the same but she always waits til the morning. I'm like if you really want to get up at 5am to do it fine...just don't bother the rest of us, lol!

The real punishments come when she doesn't do it at all and then I have to sign her progress report. In those cases, she loses all her school related fun stuff, sports, social events, I won't even let her go to a school friends house until she gets her grades up.
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  #6  
January 14th, 2013, 12:36 PM
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Momtothe6thpower:
So you really don't make a big deal out of it?My 13 yr old last report card were descent, she raised her grades since they sent progress report. But they are not grades I expect for an 8th grader in honor classes, but she tries and thats all I can ask. The homework thing does worry me especially now,that she is going to high school this year. She is going play 3 sports, I'm question it now if she can handle it. If she can't do homework time,what makes me think that she is going do homework when she is going playing sports in the fall,winter and spring?I'm so worry.
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  #7  
January 14th, 2013, 12:42 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Tell her no sports...I really don't but with lyss I have to pick my battles. Last minute he...fine, no hw and bad grades...misery, lol!

I would insist she follows the bedtime rule. That way she knows it's either do it after school or wake up at the crack of dawn.
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  #8  
January 14th, 2013, 12:55 PM
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Once they get to high school they usually can't play sports unless they have decent grade anyway (at least here).

Noah 'forgot' to do a BIG project one time. It was due right before p/t conferences, which DH goes to. He was in DEEP DOODOO (other word for that) when Rob found out he didn't do this big project. His excuse? *I* wouldn't let him do it!! That was a big what the french toast moment, and obviously DH knew he was lying. He wasn't allowed out of the house or to have anyone over until it was done and turned in. That one project lowered his would be grade by almost one whole mark. I think he learned from that.
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  #9  
January 14th, 2013, 12:57 PM
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So a few things come to mind.

First at 13, they are allowed to deal with the consequences of their own actions. My stance was so long as grades weren't suffering I don't care when/how or where they did it. They want to be tired at school, that's their problem.

One of mine did it in the morning, odd right? but that's how he worked best. The other did right after school and was done. The next stayed up till 1-2 am doing her work. Again she wants to be tired, not my problem, but chores will be done, grades will be good and her attitude better have been good also.

I think by the time they hit their teens they need to find what works for them. I was the last minute, needs the pressure kinda of girl. I still am, that has never changed.

School is one of those area's where I think natural consequence work a lot better then strict punishments.
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  #10  
January 14th, 2013, 04:08 PM
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Thank you!!!I really appreciate you guys input, it's been so helpful. Today,I'm grounding her because I can't take back something I already told her.But from now on,M2M advice and let her deal with her own consequences. If she chooses to stay up and do homework late,she gets in trouble for falling sleep in class then she will learn to do her homework on time.If she can't keep up her grades in high school,then she knows she can't do cheerleading/lacrosse/softball.
I'm learning slowly to pick my battles with my 13 yr old because she is very head-strong thats where I think we collided. I never had this problem with my 17 yr old or 23 yr old but slowly lessons are learned.Thank you so much!
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  #11  
January 14th, 2013, 04:09 PM
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Thank you for you guys advice!!M2M,I will follow your advice and let her deal with her own consequences.Well,tonight she is going be grounded because I can't take it back but from now if she wants stay up late and do her HW then it's her problem.If she will learn about doing HW late when she falls sleep in class and gets in class.And in high school, she can't keep her grades up because she is falling sleep in class then she knows she can't play cheerleading/lacrosse/softball.I need to learn to pick my battles with my 13 yr old and just ignore the petty squabbles. She is just so frustrating at times because she is head-strong and me and her collide.But I'm learning to ignore things,I need ignore and steps where I need to step in.

Last edited by paigestephymom; January 14th, 2013 at 04:13 PM.
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  #12  
January 15th, 2013, 12:40 AM
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We just started the contract thing here. M2M great advice..we started that with the older 2.. I even dont let them stay up late, you want to forget to do it at home, if perhaps no time earlier etc.. then you dont get the time when its convenient for you. My kids cry, but why should I extend their HW times whe the teachers dont stay open all day night long?
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  #13  
January 17th, 2013, 12:10 PM
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I have handled it a little differently because my 15 yr old was "forgetting" to do homework assignments at times and then not bothering to try and do them at all. She started off high school with our complete trust and no hovering. At the end of first quarter she had multiple missing assignments in each class! We grounded her until all assignments were made up and we had proof. We went through this a few times with her.

Then we found out the school had an online grade book that teachers update a few times a week. So now we don't hound her. When she wants to go out with friends we check the online grade book and if she has no missing work then go ahead. If she has missing work she is grounded from friends till the grade book gets updated.

And after a few times of being grounded on weekends because teachers didn't update the grade book after she turned in the missing work before the weekend she learned her lesson.

We still don't let her hang out with friends on school days now though. She can do after school activities/sports, but thats it during the week because we found that she was "forgetting" to do homework too often when she had plans with friends on school days.

And with my other kids they can't go out with friends or watch tv or anything until homework and chores are done during the week.
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