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Boorish dirty old men


Forum: Large Families

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  • 2 Post By mom2many2010
  • 3 Post By clouise
  • 3 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 1 Post By Momtothe6thpower

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  #1  
January 20th, 2013, 07:11 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,085
So my 16 yo daughter was at play practice today. She tells me about this exchange:

Her: hey, marissa can you unzip me?
Marissa: sure
50+ yo man: I'm sure [his 15 yo son] would be happy to do that for you.

This guy is a schmuck. He is abusive to his wife and son, he is weird, he is inappropriate. But I always thought he behaved reasonably around the kids. He is generally respectful to me, but I also have a badass reputation that is rarely challenged.

I told her it was inappropriate. She thought maybe she was blowing it put of proportion in her head. I assured her that it was creepy dirty old man behavior. So what do I do now? Call him? I won't be at the shows or practices. Have my husband talk to him? The director?

Or am I over reacting? When is it acceptable to make innuendo jokes crossing generational lines? I don't joke with her friends like that. Over 18, college age, married, I will start, but only with young women and usually only after they have a baby. I very very rarely make innuendo jokes with men.

What do you think?
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  #2  
January 20th, 2013, 08:08 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melba, Idaho
Posts: 2,604
If I knew said person well I would have no issue with it, we tend to be a little more open then a lot of families.

If not then it was very inappropriate. Was this the first time? If so I might (really depends on my mood) let it slide and instead work with the dd on how to deal with situations like that. If this isn't the first then talk with the director, he is charge of everything. It is his job to make sure everyone feels safe and secure.
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  #3  
January 21st, 2013, 07:01 AM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
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Posts: 3,551
Wow. Not ok. I would get your Dh to do some talking because it could turn into more than that if left alone. I wouldnt take chances with my daughters at all!
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  #4  
January 21st, 2013, 07:04 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Andrews AFB, MD
Posts: 15,470
I think I would talk to the director. I'd also talk to your daughter because sadly she is at the age where she will start running into men like this. Make sure she knows it is okay to tell someone no, to go away, whatever. I'm glad she came to talk to you.
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  #5  
January 21st, 2013, 08:00 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 15,630
I'm like M2M, but not when it comes to old men and my young children.
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  #6  
January 21st, 2013, 12:18 PM
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I'd say something to the director about the inappropriate exchange just so someone knows. That way if there's others that are having problems with him he can be asked to leave or be dealt with somehow. Once is just bad taste, but if he's saying creepy stuff to others, he shouldn't be around.

I only think innuendos are funny to gross my kids out (within reason of course) and a few of our married friends. I, like you, find this exchange between your daughter and this creep totally inappropriate.
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  #7  
January 21st, 2013, 12:43 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
I would probably have your DH talk to him about it, but if it didn't solve the issue, I would talk to the director. His behavior is far from okay.
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  #8  
January 21st, 2013, 02:13 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I appreciate all your comments. What I did was tell the director and called the guy myself. I told him I know he is just joking, trying to be funny, but it made the girls uncomfortable and I know he didn't want to do that. He apologized and said he absolutely didn't mean to offend. I said they see us as old grown ups and that I would never joke with his son like that. He said he understood and was sorry he made anyone upset. I acted as I would want someone to act. I haven't told all my friends (well, you guys and my BFF) I talked to him directly. Now I need to talk to my daughter about how to deal with this stuff in the future because she will have to. The director was glad I called the guy and handled it in a friendly manner. She told me that I am going to deal with this forever because I have a lot of girls and they are all pretty. Men. Are dumbasses.
Kierasmom, clouise and shari626 like this.
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  #9  
January 21st, 2013, 06:47 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Smalltown, USA
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^^ Late to the thread but you did good!
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  #10  
January 21st, 2013, 08:49 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melba, Idaho
Posts: 2,604
Sounds like you handled it well, but I agree about working with your DD, it's sad but she is at that age where it will start to happen. My girls would have just given him the finger....not that I'm suggesting that lol
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