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Ever feel like your family is not complete but you can't afford to add to it?


Forum: Large Families

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  • 3 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 1 Post By mamato4andc
  • 1 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 2 Post By Jenilope
  • 1 Post By my3sonsplus1
  • 2 Post By Mommy Ree

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  #1  
February 7th, 2013, 06:39 PM
OatmealKisses's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,430
I have this strong feeling that I am meant to have a large family--biological and adopted children. However, we can't afford another child right now. Hubby says he is happy with 2, but sometimes says I will have as many babies with you as you want. See? That's a problem. "....as **you** want." He will have more if I want but he is happy with just 2. I will NEVER be happy with just 2. Furthermore, I don't think hubby would really be up for adopting. He isn't against it, he's just not "into it" like I am.

So for now I am on the patch, which I am having horrible bleeding and mood swings, but oh well.

In about a year and a half we will be debt free, and think about buying a nicer house. I would like to wait until than if nothing else, which really isn't that bad.
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  #2  
February 7th, 2013, 08:25 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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No.

It is a predicament. I agree that if he says no more, you submit to that. But I wouldn't take hormonal bc. That is just my opinion. I hope he changes his mind. How old is the youngest?
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  #3  
February 7th, 2013, 08:26 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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When I just had my first two, I wanted more but hubby said no because we couldn't afford it. We ended up pregnant with #3 and 2 years later with #4. Are we rich? Nope! But God gives us what we need. We don't have (or want) cable. We have one basic cell phone. We shop in bulk when it's on sale.
I also wanted to adopt but again hubby said it wasn't possible financially. I prayed that either the feeling to adopt would go away or hubby would get the feeling too. After about 2-3 months, HE came to me and told me he thinks we should adopt! We are now in the process of raising money to adopt. My husband bakes pizzas,pies, cheesecakes, chocoflans and sells them. So don't give up hope.
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  #4  
February 7th, 2013, 08:31 PM
OatmealKisses's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmers-wife View Post
No.

It is a predicament. I agree that if he says no more, you submit to that. But I wouldn't take hormonal bc. That is just my opinion. I hope he changes his mind. How old is the youngest?
almost 5 months
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  #5  
February 8th, 2013, 05:35 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Give him time. It takes time to adjust to a new one and he is likely experiencing the enormity of providing for a new person.
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  #6  
February 8th, 2013, 05:44 AM
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I think FW said it well. It's so hard to have you and DH not be on quite the same page as far as family size--at least yours is open to more; that's positive! Maybe when your baby is a little older he will come around, but I agree that in pretty much everything when it comes to kids that it's usually better to submit to the more conservative position--you could always have more later, but you can't put one back and if hubby feels like it's mistake it will put strain on your marriage, which would be much harder on children than a tight budget.

I'm pregnant with #4 right now, and we have just accepted that our kids won't necessarily have all the treats and gagets and expensive activities that their smaller-family peers might have, but we feel like what we do have is more precious and we have enough to support ourselves. Yes, we have to budget and go without some things, but we're doing well. And, honestly, with breastfeeding, cloth diapers and home or public school, the additional children (beyond 2) aren't adding THAT much of a financial burden outside of trying to save for college, but our priorities, financially, are paying our bills, saving for OUR retirement, and then, if there's extra, college savings. They might have to work and get scholarships and put themselves through college but that's ok, I did it.

Our biggest concerns about expanding our family are how hard pregnancy is on my body--it generally puts me out of commission for a minium of 2 months in the beginning and one at the end. We have concerns about whether or not our family would be able to cope with that when our children are in school and have real commitments, so this is probably our last biological child, but I'm open to adoption later, and we never decide no for sure until a minimum of 1 year after the most recent birth. Your baby is only 5 months old and your hubby hasn't said no; if you're faithful, pray on it with an open heart and I'm sure you guys will talk about this again and eventually come to a decision you both feel good about.
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  #7  
February 8th, 2013, 07:33 AM
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My body is designed to be pregnant, so no problems. I did get pretty sick with this last pregnancy, but not enough to go to the hospital. I am too stubborn for that anyway. I probably wouldn't have gone with Noah either, but my parents made me and I was living there, so no option. ANYWAY, Rob was done after #4, but that didn't get him very far obviously lol Now we have an odd number so we can't be done, and 8 is kinda a weird number. 9 might feel ok haha
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  #8  
February 8th, 2013, 09:26 AM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
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As far as money goes, I don't think many people think 'okay, we have enough money to have a baby now'. I'm a firm believer that if you're always waiting for the right time, it will never come.

As for your hubby though, he hasn't ruled it out completely, just give him a little time and he may come around anyway!
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  #9  
February 18th, 2013, 05:47 PM
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DH lost his job weeks before I delivered baby #5. We had no way of knowing that would happen. But after a miscarriage and ttc for over a year, we wouldn't have changed anything. There is never a "right" time. We don't have much money, but we make things work. The most important thing is we spend a lot of time together as a family.
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  #10  
February 18th, 2013, 06:15 PM
~mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No....dh never worries about money...at least not to me.
When we got married dh said he wanted 12 dc. We currently have 6 and he is DONE!!!
I have my heart set on 8...... The next one should be born this year, but it's not looking good.
He was wanting to get a V. I got an IUD instead.
He is open to adoption.......I'm just sad that I won't be pregnant ever again.......
haha , sorry I'm sure none of that was any help to you.

There is never a right time financially to have a baby.
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  #11  
February 19th, 2013, 07:35 PM
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We can't decide if we are done or not. We really can't financially afford more but we do ok, we would just have to start giving things up.

I thought I was done after number 4 and now number 6 for our family is just over a month old.
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  #12  
March 2nd, 2013, 03:33 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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I've often thought our family wasn't complete. It's funny I've caught myself 'looking' for another child when counting to see if we had everyone, or when coming to the dinner table, I would be like "okay who's missing? Umm...no one, gangs all here mom!" I just laughed at myself every time. My dh and I always wanted more kids but didn't think we could afford and also our ages were somewhat of an issue (he's 49 and I'm 39), but we found out Monday we'll be expecting in November. Our youngest is 5yrs old and our oldest is 12. We have four kids (soon to be 5). I've always wanted twins AND I always said my ideal family would be 6 kids...we'll see....
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  #13  
March 2nd, 2013, 04:53 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Congrats! Welcome to the group.
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  #14  
March 2nd, 2013, 04:56 PM
OatmealKisses's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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[QUOTE=Mommy Ree;2but we found out Monday we'll be expecting in November. Our youngest is 5yrs old and our oldest is 12. We have four kids (soon to be 5). I've always wanted twins AND I always said my ideal family would be 6 kids...we'll see....[/QUOTE]

congrats!
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  #15  
March 12th, 2013, 08:29 PM
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Location: Michigan
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I have one DD, and 3 DSD, I want more...expanding past 4/5 is more difficult I think because vehicles were not made for this many. Not sure I want to drive a big ol van...but I really would love to expand the family. On top of the fact we live in just under 1000 sq ft house + basement. Hmmm, I think you have money for what you want to have money for, just a matter of decideing what's important to you. Just have to convince DH
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  #16  
March 13th, 2013, 07:27 AM
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Finances has never been a factor for us, but then again, I also really have the feeling I'm "done" at 5, maybe it would be a difference we did the NTNP thing (lol, I'd have a TLC show by now). I think we can "afford" more children, but we would make different choices, I'm not sure about music lessons and we'd have to be more choosy about activities. On the other hand, if something is important to you you make it work. Unless I had that show of course, then we could go anywhere.
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