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Anyone else ever chastised for wanting more?


Forum: Large Families

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  • 2 Post By Jenilope
  • 4 Post By mom2many2010
  • 1 Post By AmiraX4

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  #1  
April 8th, 2013, 06:38 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Indiana
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I'm sure most of you know my story and I'm sure many can relate. At least I hope...*sigh*

I'm once again at the point where I want another baby but in this case, nursing is messing with my cycles and force weaning him would be a cruel thing at this moment in time, I feel (it wouldn't even be a thought if I wasn't almost 39 and felt time was running out). Anyways, does anyone else every get a little envious and sad when someone announces a pregnancy? Also, does anyone else ever get chastised and shamed for wanting another when you already have a large family?

I, for one, do. I always hear 'be thankful for what you have' (ummm, I am, what's wrong with wanting another to add to it) and heaven forbid I should have the audacity to feel the desire when I already have so many. I was told today to 'get over myself' for my desire for another. Nice, huh?

I seriously don't see what the difference is whether you have 2 or 10, if the want is there, why am I such a vilan for these feelings?

Rant over.
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  #2  
April 8th, 2013, 07:00 PM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((hugs))) what an insensitive boar to say something like that to you!

I'm pregnant now and, it's only my 4th. I did get a fair amount of "why?" and "you know what causes that?" and "you must REALLY want a boy" and "you're done now, though... Right?" And it does bother me that people can't seem to just be happy for the new life you want to welcome into the world. Large families are really a beautiful gift to society and to each other. I can sense your frustration and longing in your post, although I don't know you or your story well, but I really do wish you the best of luck with a quick conception and uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery for your next child.

When I'm feeling down about society's reaction to our desire for a large family, I've been revisiting this article and I find it (and the article linked with in it, penned by her husband, encouraging) http://ourmothersdaughters.blogspot....ll-people.html
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  #3  
April 8th, 2013, 08:33 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
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Okay before I say anything, it's good to understand that I let very little 'get' to me, my husband see's it as a flaw that drives him crazy. I just try to see the other side of things.

I think the problem is that they just don't understand, most people get to a certain number of kids and they are done. They know they are done and that they do not want anymore. So when they see a large family they can't move past their idea of what being done is, and they can't see that the desire for everyone is different. We all have some form of preconceived ideas.

For example (not to start a debate just to show what I mean) I don't understand CIO, but other people do and other people do it, but I don't get it. Circumcision, I don't get it, but other people still do it. These are things that I don't understand and sometimes I might say something that could be preconceived as rude, but honestly I don't mean it from a bad place. I just don't understand.

Large families are the same way. They just don't get it, they have idea's based off of preconceived notions so what they say can come out bad. When it happens, which is rare where I live, I just don't take anything others have to say to heart, cause they will never understand it, and I am okay with that.

Be okay with it, there is nothing wrong with your desire, others just don't understand it.
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  #4  
April 9th, 2013, 08:53 AM
aln030482's Avatar <3 Proud Mommy <3
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I can completely understand & relate to this, especially since my DH & I knew, many years prior might I add, that we wanted a larger family -- though the exact size was still in question. Actually let me correct this.... I knew from a very young age that when I started a family, I wanted 6-10. My DH was just on board with 'large'.

I feel mom2many2010 explains it the best that some "just don't understand".

I also love the link Jenilope posted. -- In reference to that, my DH & I always proudly stated that we wanted a large family to friends & family. We also announced our pregnancies early too because heaven's forbid we experienced a m/c, which we had 3 before this pregnancy, people weren't as ignorant if one or both of started crying for no reason at the oddest times.

Last but not least, regarding the criticism we've faced -- Most people in our area see a 'normal' family size as 1-2 with 3 pushing it, 4 is tolerable (based on the parents age), 5 is on the verge of crazy (again, based on the parents age), & 6+... well, you ARE crazy!! With that being said, my general area gives parents of 'large' families a bad rap.... meaning, if you have 5 or more, you're doing it for some 'government check' of some sort. Which is wrong!!!
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  #5  
April 9th, 2013, 08:53 AM
aln030482's Avatar <3 Proud Mommy <3
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I can completely understand & relate to this, especially since my DH & I knew, many years prior might I add, that we wanted a larger family -- though the exact size was still in question. Actually let me correct this.... I knew from a very young age that when I started a family, I wanted 6-10. My DH was just on board with 'large'.

I feel mom2many2010 explains it the best that some "just don't understand".

I also love the link Jenilope posted. -- In reference to that, my DH & I always proudly stated that we wanted a large family to friends & family. We also announced our pregnancies early too because heaven's forbid we experienced a m/c, which we had 3 before this pregnancy, people weren't as ignorant if one or both of started crying for no reason at the oddest times.

Last but not least, regarding the criticism we've faced -- Most people in our area see a 'normal' family size as 1-2 with 3 pushing it, 4 is tolerable (based on the parents age), 5 is on the verge of crazy (again, based on the parents age), & 6+... well, you ARE crazy!! With that being said, my general area gives parents of 'large' families a bad rap.... meaning, if you have 5 or more, you're doing it for some 'government check' of some sort. Which is wrong!!!
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  #6  
April 9th, 2013, 09:54 AM
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You dont sound like a villan and you have every right to want as much children as you want!

I will be anxiously waiting for your update!
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  #7  
April 9th, 2013, 07:49 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies
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Mother to Chad 19, Alexa 18, Jeremiah 16, Madelyn 13, Korinne 6, Sky 3, and introducing baby Linden 1/17/12



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  #8  
April 12th, 2013, 12:13 AM
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I am new to this group. I am mom to five kids, four boys and one girl. I was an only child so I think I have so many kids because I was a very lonely child (no cousins living nearby either) with a working single mom. By the time my mother remarried, I was a college freshmen and though I gained two stepsisters (very nice people I may add), we have never been anything more than friends, definitely not the sister relationship I would have wanted. I love the chaos that comes from many kids, sometimes feel overwhelmed (probably because my oldest kids are 14 and 12) so I have teenager issues and youngest are 3 and 10 months (along with one in the middle at 8) so I also have babyhood-both in diapers. I had a lot of people including my own mother who thought I was nuts having this fifth baby but I am glad for a big family.
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  #9  
April 25th, 2013, 11:34 AM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 23,763
I'm sure I have haters, but I don't care an ounce. I'm going to live my life the way I want. I don't have time to care what anyone else thinks. Save yourself the trouble and realize that no matter what you do they will always find a way to judge you.
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