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Your opinion on parents of only one or two children complaining?


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  #1  
April 10th, 2013, 12:23 PM
aln030482's Avatar <3 Proud Mommy <3
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So today when I went to pick up my daughter from her pre-school, I over heard a few of the mothers who only have one or two children complaining about everything under the sun regarding their children. Then the one mother who was expecting her second child was complaining even more so how her life was so terrible with just one child that she isn't sure how she's going to manage with a second.

Of course, being an experienced & helpful mother of 7, soon to be 8, who has dealt with everything from bipolar, ADHD, & autism -- I thought just maybe I could offer some advice. So, I asked her if there was anything I could help her with.... That was a BIG MISTAKE!!!

She started ranting about how she is a stay at home mother while her husband works & her 3 year old son gets up at 8, insists on breakfast by 9, & then while he goes for a nap at 12, he only sleeps til 3. Then this apparent 'burden' of a child, goes to bed by 8 BUT has to be read a story first! Now hearing this I asked her what the problem was & she said just said that he requires SO MUCH WORK & that I just didn't understand.... Her life is miserable & even though I have a large family, I just don't get it...

I don't know if it's just because I have a large family, have pregnancy hormones streaming wildly through my blood or what the case might be, but I positively can't stand parents of only one or two children complaining about how hard raising their child(ren) is.
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  #2  
April 10th, 2013, 12:53 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I guess I can't say that I don't complain about people, but this is something that never really bothers me. I can't really phrase it right, but every number of children is differently difficult.
A mom with one child can have just as hard of a time as a mom with 20 kids. Kinda like how people handle pain differently I guess. Someone might need an epidural to remove a sliver, but another might not even notice they have a broken ankle.

Not to relate children to pain... lol
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  #3  
April 10th, 2013, 01:01 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I refuse to believe one child could be as difficult or as much work as 20...LOL If I had just one or two I think I'd be in heaven.

I laugh at moms who think their one or two are so difficult, but not to them. I try to be helpful, offer advice, but I often find some (most) aren't receptive to it.
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  #4  
April 10th, 2013, 01:17 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's probably your hormones (and hers too).

I think 1 child is A LOT of work. Who else is there to entertain them other than you in that case?

We are given what we can handle. For many that is only 1 or 2 children. So someone with less patience than me is going to feel overwhelmed before I do.
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  #5  
April 10th, 2013, 01:27 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I sometimes think I would love to have just one that I could devote time, energy and creativity into. Ohhh the things we would have time to do if I didn't do laundry for a dozen, or dishes for that many, or have to drive kids to work and basketball, or food for a small army three times a day, or give baths to numerous dirty toddlers, etc.

I could push lil ones in swings at the park and color pictures and play with play-doh and read books.

I still can do those things but not nearly as much as I could when I only had 1-2.
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  #6  
April 10th, 2013, 01:32 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aln030482 View Post
So today when I went to pick up my daughter from her pre-school, I over heard a few of the mothers who only have one or two children complaining about everything under the sun regarding their children. Then the one mother who was expecting her second child was complaining even more so how her life was so terrible with just one child that she isn't sure how she's going to manage with a second.

Of course, being an experienced & helpful mother of 7, soon to be 8, who has dealt with everything from bipolar, ADHD, & autism -- I thought just maybe I could offer some advice. So, I asked her if there was anything I could help her with.... That was a BIG MISTAKE!!!

She started ranting about how she is a stay at home mother while her husband works & her 3 year old son gets up at 8, insists on breakfast by 9, & then while he goes for a nap at 12, he only sleeps til 3. Then this apparent 'burden' of a child, goes to bed by 8 BUT has to be read a story first! Now hearing this I asked her what the problem was & she said just said that he requires SO MUCH WORK & that I just didn't understand.... Her life is miserable & even though I have a large family, I just don't get it...

I don't know if it's just because I have a large family, have pregnancy hormones streaming wildly through my blood or what the case might be, but I positively can't stand parents of only one or two children complaining about how hard raising their child(ren) is.
OMG not a mistake to open up and offer advice help, she probably needed to hear it to wake up or something.

Im insulted that she would say her son is a lot of work, really? My life doesn't revolve with naps, early bed etc anymore so to read what she has for her son, wow that's easy?? She has a problem with that?
Its those people with 1 or 2 that have no clue really. Yes they have it hard, honestly cus they aren't used to it yet. They haven't seen the good in what they got and to embrace it and love every moment, cus in that hard work comes fullfillment when they are 16 and never home not needing your help or hard work!

Ugh, don't feel bad for talking to her, just some parents of lesser kids just need a good wake up call.
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  #7  
April 10th, 2013, 04:14 PM
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I laugh at myself. I remember thinking 2 kids was a lot of work. I have a daily schedule I held onto from when I just had one kid. It's hilarious! I actually had "check mail" on it LMAO

The best part of being on this side of those moms is perspective.
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  #8  
April 10th, 2013, 04:44 PM
~mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Aw I remember a phase where my dc napped regularly and went to bed at a certain time.....It was lovely Lately the phase seems to be who can stay up the latest. Some of them are to the phase where they are fairly self sufficient and really don't need much from me, which is both sad and gratifying at the same time.
I agree that "just one" is challenging in that you have to entertain them, but on the other hand if something gets broken or someone writes on the wall you KNOW who did it. There have been times where something has happened and it really could have been any one of 4 or so and if no one fesses up....
I agree. sit back relax and enjoy the ride. It goes so very fast......
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  #9  
April 10th, 2013, 04:58 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Here..read this

To the Mother With Only One Child |Blogs | NCRegister.com
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  #10  
April 10th, 2013, 05:54 PM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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There are plenty of things people do that get under my skin, but this isn't really one of them. Looking back, I surely didn't appreciate how "easy" I had it when I only had one or two. Heck, compared to most of you, I've got it easy now--but I still feel overwhelmed some days. So a lot of it is what you're used to, but another big part of it is that we just can't guess what another's person's journey is. She might have other challenges, mental, physical, emotional, financial etc that she's truly frustrated about that you can't see and she's getting it out by "commiserating" with other moms about something she thinks they can relate to. Although, I agree, her kid's schedule sounds pretty dreamy, but it also can be exhausting to be your child's only source of entertainment!

But, I live in an area where large families (indeed, families of more than two!) are not that common, so I think I'd probably be closing myself off to a lot of opportunities at friendship and connections if I made moms of fewer kids feel like they weren't allowed to complain about parenting challenges infront of me. (Totally not saying that you did that! I think it was super nice that you offered to help! Just saying that our thoughts often become our words and actions, KWIM?)

It's all relative, I suppose. As much as I view my children as amazing gifts straight from God, some days I DO want to complain about those gifts! And I suppose we'd be in a pretty sorry spot if we were only allowed to complain when we were sure we truly had it worse than everyone else on the planet instead of just venting our particular frustrations, right? lol

It would have been nice for her to have been more open to HEARING you instead of just talking at you and assuming no one could understand. I bet the perspective and support would have done her a world of good. I hope she has a better day tomorrow.
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  #11  
April 10th, 2013, 06:09 PM
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As Jenilope said, it's all relative. Going from 1-2 was the hardest for me, 2-4 was a little better and after that it was much easier.

I do want to say that with that mom it probably had more to do with her expectations. she doesn't sound like she really enjoys being a mom.
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  #12  
April 10th, 2013, 07:47 PM
Babymakes8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm trying to wrap my head around a few things she complained about!

1: He's up at 8 am, wants breakfast at 9 am. My kids are up by 6 am and asking for food before I'm even out of MY bed.

2) he's 3 and takes a 3 hour nap every day Holy cow! What I could get done in three hours if my kid was sleeping!! I'm lucky if my 4 yr old takes a nap once a week, and my 18 month old MAYBE takes an hour nap. I'd have ***** slapped her for this one alone!!

3) In bed by 8? and wants a story read? Well, that's why he's up so early. Want him to sleep later? put him to bed later...which by the way doesn't work for my kids...we have kept them up until midnight and they were still up at 6 am. Maybe she should try cutting his nap down by an hour. Reading to our kids is one of the best parts of being a mom!!!

Seriously, her 3 year old sounds like a dream!!
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  #13  
April 10th, 2013, 09:06 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I should hand her my younger 3 kids, she would say uhhhh give me back my son lol but really she could of had a bad day or expected something totally different in parenting. who knows right. I wish some people would just think befor they talk. My younger sister is bad for that, she will say her opinion befor thinking and regret it. She would say to me, omg my kids would never do that, or you should do this, or if that were me, blah blah, until Until I gave her 3 of the older 4 for just 5 hours and she was like wow, its hard. LOL ya its not as easy as one thinks, and it could be harder than one thinks. My only advice for the moms that think and say they have it hard is to think of what it will be like when they are not needing you as much, or moved out. Those days are the ones you will be like what happened, where did the time go?! I honestly think that with my older ones, they don't need me to walk them to and from school, take them to some functions, bathe them, cut their foods and more. Heck I don't even tuck them in at night.
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Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





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  #14  
April 11th, 2013, 05:11 AM
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Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn't. It just depends ont he context.

Ridiculous complaining (whether you have 1 or 2) = annoying and bothersome. Complaining about real problems = sympathy
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  #15  
April 11th, 2013, 05:29 AM
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Motherhood isn't easy, no matter how many kids you have. Enjoyable and rewarding...yes. And also pretty intense.
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  #16  
April 11th, 2013, 06:46 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's the blog I was looking for Cortney. Though I think relating children to pain is funnier lol
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  #17  
April 11th, 2013, 10:42 AM
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LOL...You took the words right out of my mouth. My brother is currently dealing with 1 three year old...alone...because his mommy feels too overwhelmed & can't quit going out on the weekends. She feels she needs to wind down from such a rough week...gimme a break. A good day for me is when my kids only get into 3 or 4 tiffs for the day and I only need to lock myself in the bathroom for 3 minutes instead of 5, just to take a phone call. I've also noticed that those with 1 tend to be more paranoid. Every little thing is a major drama. BUT, I was there once too, so I can't really complain. Years later, I can do pretty much anything with kids in tow, dh meanwhile has a breakdown if he I ask him to take ONE with him to the store...LOL
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  #18  
April 11th, 2013, 12:17 PM
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Her kid does seem like a dream. Maybe she still hasn't adjusted to motherhood or isn't a motherly person! Having 1-2 was hardest for me. My third was a dream to add and by my fourth there was no adjustment besides adding extra minutes to our schedule getting everyone in the van! We'll see what happens with two extra at once. I have adjusted to adding one so its not a big deal.

I never had a solitary preschooler, but I imagine they would be exhausting trying to entertain them! Siblings make for a very different dynamic! I once watched a mom of an only 3 yr old and I was exhausted just watching her be the only playmate for the child. I might go mad! I had my kids in close in age sets for this reason! I get the enjoyable teaching, reading and caretaking parenting parts and their siblings take care of the best friend role in their lives!
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  #19  
April 11th, 2013, 12:57 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I guess I am different, even if I only had one, I am not the entertainment committee. I wouldn't spend my entire day entertaining a child. I guess that comes from growing up with my grandma as primary caretaker while my mom worked, and was sick. She had a lot to do and didn't just sit and play with us for any length of time.

Most of our interaction was helping her bake, or fold laundry. I remember after she would get dinner started, in the summertime, she would sit outside with us until my grandpa got home from work. We were encouraged to play independently, read, color, "use your imagination."
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  #20  
April 11th, 2013, 01:47 PM
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I sometimes think about how easy it would be right now if I just had my twins. They are 6 and pretty independent. I also think about how nice it would be not to have TSS therapist in our house. Nate is down to only 10 hours a week but still some weeks I just don't want people in my house. It is trying to keep the little kids from interfering. I MUST occupy them while Nathan is doing his therapy which to the other kids just looks like fun one on one adult time playing candy land, playdoh, activities games. So instead of cooking cleaning or anything else I am brainstorming how I can occupy the other children and I need to be with them that whole time otherwise they cling to the therapist.
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