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Daughter doesn't want any more siblings


Forum: Large Families

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  • 1 Post By mom2many2010
  • 2 Post By Repti.Mom
  • 5 Post By Farmers-wife
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  #1  
April 22nd, 2013, 06:06 PM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
Join Date: Dec 2009
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I currently have three children but am planning to have a fourth. However my eldest daughter really does not want any more siblings. She has anger issues that we are just starting to get dealt with and a major trigger for her is her little siblings who pester her. I don't want to not have another child because she doesn't want one and I don't think I should, but I'm not sure how to deal with this. I don't want to make her mental health issues worse and I don't want her to not like the new child or my pregnancy. I want her to enjoy it.

For those who have large families, have your older children expressed a dislike of you having another? How did you handle it? How do you foster sibling love?
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  #2  
April 22nd, 2013, 06:17 PM
MIL2lissy8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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thats a tough one. my first thought was ' good thing she doesn't get to make the decision about more babies'. i can see your concern though. i hope the others who really do have large families will have some insights for you. good luck.
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  #3  
April 22nd, 2013, 08:15 PM
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My older kids told me that if I had more (after #7) they would move out and in with their grandma. When I discovered I was pregnant with #8 I hid it until my DD caught me puking. They were not happy, but LOVE her to pieces, she's quite spoiled.

Does your DD have medical anger issue's? If so the adding on may not be the best thing. If her issue's are just teen angst and having younger siblings, then she doesn't get a say.
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  #4  
April 23rd, 2013, 12:36 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Though I tell Weston all the time that he's lucky to exist after Sebastian, (only mostly joking lol) I don't think that any child's special needs, or mental issues should stop you from making your own adult decision to grow YOUR family.
There are many many families out there that have more kids before they even realize that their child has a disability. Or what if she was the 8th kid born? She wouldn't even have a say in either case. Sure a new baby will take more time, but that doesn't mean you can't go to therapy, or meet her needs just because of another kid.
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  #5  
April 23rd, 2013, 07:14 PM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2many2010 View Post
Does your DD have medical anger issue's? If so the adding on may not be the best thing. If her issue's are just teen angst and having younger siblings, then she doesn't get a say.
I'm not sure yet. I am just starting the process of getting her in to see a counsellor to help teach her some anger management issues and get a better idea of what's going on with her. It's not like she hurts herself or trashes the house or steals but she does have anger outbursts (mostly about her sister) and has extra moody times.

I think I just need to make a better effort at giving her alone time. it's hard though because we have a small house and the girls share a room. So there is no where for her to go when her sister is bugging her. It doesn't help that her sister is unusually annoying. What I mean is she annoys everyone around her, even her family, way more than an average kid should.
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  #6  
April 24th, 2013, 06:00 AM
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In that case, I think more time together is better than more time alone. Can they work on a project together? Do they share an interest they can get into more together? Have another baby just so the two of them can come together to be annoyed.
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  #7  
April 24th, 2013, 11:30 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
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My oldest didn't want a sibling when we had the 4th, but I believe alot of it was just her being a teenager and being grossed out knowing how another one came to be. She was also upset when we got pregnant with the 5th, but she accepted it much more quickly. Despite all her protestations, she is pretty close with #4.
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  #8  
April 24th, 2013, 02:16 PM
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My almost 7 year old has mental health issues and anger issues. We don't allow our children to make the decission for us but we do take into account their needs and their feelings. For us we chose to have another child and it has actually been a great thing for my 7 year old daughter!
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  #9  
April 25th, 2013, 06:53 AM
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I think you and your husband should make the decision together...kids are immature, and how they feel now might not be how to feel in a year or two. And in any case, when they are the adult they can decide what size family they want for themselves.

If he anger issues are that bad though I would take into account the safety needs of the new baby and your other kids. Hopefully meeting with the counselor will help her out.

My oldest is eight, and she seems to have a greater need for one on one time with my husband and I. I don't know if it is because she is the oldest or just her personality. I really try to make that time for her though. It doesn't have to be much...just running to the store with just me, or getting to sit with her dad and watch a move makes her so happy. I read this book about "Love languages" for kids (they have one for adults and marriages) too, and it is clear her "language" is "quality time."
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  #10  
April 25th, 2013, 09:52 AM
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I've never had this problem and I wouldn't let it stop me from having more children. She'll get over it. She's 7 years old right? I would just tell her you really want another child and you're sorry she feels the way she does. Spend more time with her(and include her in being a big girl around the house). Definitely have them spend time doing fun stuff together as well.
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  #11  
May 14th, 2013, 12:24 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm coming in on this kind of late... My 19 and 16 year old sons are very opposed. I tell them both they know where the heck the door is... Especially the 19 year old.
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