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Tips for Managing 4+ children??


Forum: Large Families

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  • 4 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 1 Post By HalfDozen
  • 4 Post By therevslady
  • 1 Post By sarahlorrain

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  #1  
May 7th, 2013, 06:20 PM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Canada
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I am TTC my fourth and was wondering if some of you who have more kids than me(some of you have way more kids!) have any advice on parenting when there is 4 or more? Do you do anything differently? How do you have alone time with each kid like is recommended? Thanks.
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  #2  
May 7th, 2013, 06:48 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We don't. Who recommends that?
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  #3  
May 7th, 2013, 08:05 PM
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When I think back on when all mine were little, I think I coped by saying No to a lot of stuff, and limiting my own and the kids' activities. As for one on one time, in our family as long as you got a little time in at bedtime it was fine. I found the kids didn't really need a whole lot of 1 on 1, (except maybe the oldest, but that was easy, she just got to stay up a little longer), they played together and mostly just wanted to know I was around.

I think the thing you different is to not sweat the small stuff, whose got the time!
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  #4  
May 7th, 2013, 09:55 PM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
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For me making sure routine is strongly in place. Being very consistant and giving lots and lots of praise for good behaviors and things like that. Setting small goals for each and of course I couldnt live without my beloved reward chart!!!

They work for stars!!! its amazing what a child will do to earn a star and having it to proudly show off on the wall ...

Spending time with each will come naturally. You will find yourself holding one and reading a special story or painting fingernails with another. Arts and craft time is a good time to get personal while others are occupied.

The best advice I have been given is patience. I really struggle with it at times ( especially while pregnant ) but if you can learn that for yourself, then alot of the rest easily falls into place. Thats my experience only .

best wishes for TTC #4 and hope you get that real soon!!!
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  #5  
May 8th, 2013, 04:29 PM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmers-wife View Post
We don't. Who recommends that?
I can't remember a specific person but I've read it in lots of books, heard it on lots of parenting information shows etc. I think every child should have a little time alone with each parent, even if it's just a walk around the block, or reading together for 15 minutes.

Thanks to everyone for the tips so far.
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  #6  
May 8th, 2013, 05:39 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Since we homeschool we have more time than most, but people with large families whose kids are in school don't have time to devote every day to each kid. It is really silly. I have to go because dh is going to read to 4 boys while 3 girls and I clean the kitchen.
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  #7  
May 8th, 2013, 06:21 PM
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Our family thrives on routine, especially with homeschooling as well, with the exception of weekends which are more relaxed - family oriented. My husband & I specifically don't devote time to each child, but if he/ she wants that one on one time or we feel they need it for whatever reason, we are readily available and willing to fulfill that need. Help & guidance are always provided, but more in more of a well rounded 'team' environment, instead of the 'I' or 'me' scenarios I've seen in families of less children.
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  #8  
May 8th, 2013, 08:00 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ditto routines. We home school and have a lot of time together. I find that he older kds want time with just the parents more than the little kids do. Dh and I wil often take just one child shopping or to the library. I am a runner and typically run with one or two of the kids several times a week. Dh loves to camp and we rotate who goes with him. Mostly though we do things as a family. We read books together, do chores together, learn together, etc
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  #9  
May 8th, 2013, 10:45 PM
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We Homeschool too, but I don't find it hard for one on one time. Its easier with the younger, but I take one of the older kids with me alone when I can.
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  #10  
May 9th, 2013, 05:06 AM
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I don't do alone time purposely, I don't have the time. I personally don't give a dam who recommends what. There are plenty of things "some expert" recommends that I don't do.

My mom only had three kids and we didn't get one on one time. I'm not a serial killer.

Actually I am not the kids playmate. I am not the entertainment committee. They have each other for that.

Thats not to say I don't have one on one time with the kids here and there. If I have to run to the store I'll take a kid with me, switch 'em up. I sit down and help with homework.

We have loose routines. I don't live or die by them. I am organized. It just is what it is.
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  #11  
May 9th, 2013, 05:18 AM
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I have four, and I love that number. I don't find that they are that hard to manage.

I guess my #1 tip is to get a good calendar. I know a lot of people have gone electronic, but I still have a big huge desk calendar. I write everything down...school projects for the kids, sports games, church events, doctor's appts, when library books are due. If it isn't written down there isn't a chance I'll remember.

I rarely go anywhere alone. When my husband or I have to run errands I always grab a kid or two. I think they all get plenty of time...one-on-one, and as a family. We certainly spend more time as a family, and I think that is more important.
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  #12  
May 9th, 2013, 11:34 AM
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See, now we do "family" things. Even if it is just going for a walk, or to the park.
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  #13  
May 10th, 2013, 07:45 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
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One of the questions at the doctor now is if the kids get regular one-on-one time with a parent. I just looked at her and said, "Yeah, sure...". The nurse has 5 kids, too so she gets it. It's not that they NEVER get one-on-one time with one of us, but it's not a regularly scheduled thing, either.
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  #14  
May 11th, 2013, 05:46 AM
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We thrive on routine, organization, and minimization.

I put more value on family time than one on one time. I believe our culture puts too much emphasis on individuality, individual attention, and so on. I believe loving the family as a unity and allowing natural relationships to evolve on their own is a great way to tend to the family. Each kid gets one and a half to two years of my undivided attention while I breastfeed them and stay up all night with them. I think it's good for my kids to be seen and tended to as a unit because it forces them to look outside themselves, to think of others, and to not be so self centered. That is part of why I wanted a bigger family. Even though I don't make an effort to have one on one time, I am sympathetic to my children. If they need privacy to talk about something, they get it. If I notice that someone needs some attention, I try to reevaluate how I've been doing things and might take someone out on a "date" as a reward for good behavior.
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  #15  
May 13th, 2013, 10:56 AM
sarahlorrain's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I guess I'm the odd one out. We do schedule one on one time with the kids - well, the 3 older ones anyway. From Sunday through Saturday, it is one of the kid's "week". During that week, usually on Friday or Saturday because dh doesn't work those days, either their father or I will take that child out do something just the two of us. Sometimes it's riding bikes, going to a coffee shop to play board games and have a treat, going for a walk, etc. There are some activities that only their father does, and some that only I do. For example, their father might take them target shooting, but I don't do that. I play board games, but their father doesn't. Also, during the child's week, if either of us need to run an errand, that child gets to go. That way, there's no arguing - "I want to go!" "No, you went last time!" "Waaah!" If we all go somewhere as a family and one of us need to run into a store, that week's child gets to come in. It's also used to solve arguments like who gets to take a shower first, drink the last of the milk, get the last granola bar etc.

As far as managing a bunch of kids, you can't let them get away with anything. At least, that's what I've experience with my own kids. Discipline must be consistent. There's just too many of them for it not to be.
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