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How do you know you are done having kids?


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  • 1 Post By Farmers-wife
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  #1  
October 1st, 2013, 08:07 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We keep going back and forth on having another (would make 5 total, which I know is small in comparison to a lot of you ladies ).

I really wanted another because we have such an age gap between our older three and our youngest (16, almost 15, 11, and 2). We have been trying and no luck

Now I am kind of at the point where I think about how "easy" life will be in another year or so because we will be done with the "terrible 2's", diapers, etc. And I think do I want to do that all again along with the sleepless nights? I think about when hubby can't get off work and I go with all the kids to a family function, or when we go on family vacations with my whole family, etc and how much work our little one is. I think about how in a couple years my youngest will also be in school full-time and I can go back to work and we will have extra money to do the things we can't right now.

But then I think about how close my older three are, and how they hang out together at night on weekends, and how cute they were together when they were younger. And I feel sad that my youngest won't have that. And I feel like I would love another baby.

How do you know when you are done or ready for more children?
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  #2  
October 1st, 2013, 08:28 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We seem to be done only because I haven't gotten really pregnant in 18 months. By that is the only indicator. I'm older now, so I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't have anymore. We homeschool and have a zillion kids already so there is no going back to work or going on vacations.
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  #3  
October 1st, 2013, 09:06 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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hah, you are avoiding a child to have money... I might have to have another one to save money! lol

I don't know when we'll be done. I did promise Rob we wouldn't have another when he is past 50. He's almost 42.
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  #4  
October 1st, 2013, 09:13 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm 40 and just had my 11th. I am not sure if we will have another or not. Its just a wait and see thing. At this point, with eleven kids, what would be the point in preventing now? It isn't like I have anything better to do with my life. LOL!! As much as life is crazy, hectic, and overwhelming some days, it is also fun and full of love. I can't even imagine life any other way.

I know that doesn't answer your questions at all though. Sorry, I just don't know.
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  #5  
October 2nd, 2013, 11:33 AM
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Good question!! I have been asking myself this too. Dh is really wanting another like NOW and doesnt want to do anything now to prevent anything. ME, I am not ready at all.

I have taken him with me to the OB, PCP ect and had the talk with them on my side (cus I asked them) and he still isnt wanting to stop. Even me I wouldnt today be able to something permanent so Im still not 1000% there BUT I dont want another ...see the confusion??

I totally get everything your saying, So very good Question and please when you find that answer if you do, reply back with that!!!!

Either way, I hope it works out for you and your family.
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  #6  
October 2nd, 2013, 07:08 PM
Babymakes8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I want to be done. DH wants to be done.
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  #7  
October 3rd, 2013, 08:04 AM
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Way before I ever had kids I always thought I wanted 4 or 5. I thought I was done after 4, but then we went for #5 and I felt totally done after that. I had an awful labour experience with her and she was colicky, so it's not like I'd ever want to do that again, so that helped a lot with not getting any baby fever. Dh was also totally good with 5, I think I might have been able to get him to agree to another, but I'm not sure.
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  #8  
October 3rd, 2013, 12:15 PM
#6 otw for us:)
Join Date: Aug 2013
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Well that depends on each family... dh and I both had two boys When we met, we have a 5yr old daughter together, and thought we were done... when I went into have my tubes tied may 15th the last minute Protocol of a pregnancy test came back with our surprise baby boy due Jan 16th of next year...
So even though we thought we were done, God had other plans for us
my grandma had 7kids in 9years, never ever prevented but never got pregnant after number seven... so sometimes there isn't an option either...
I'm a waitress, dh is a chef, working 64hrs a week to bear most of the financial weight and to allow me time to be home before and after school and to drop off and pick up the littlest ones from elementary school since its 8blocks away and has no bus avail, but that's too far for a 5 and 10 year old to walk alone in my opinion, especially in our MN winters.
Financially one more child doesn't make much difference especially with little ones in the house already, but that depends on the work schedules involved too, I work 2 graveyard shifts on the weekends, when dh and the oldest kids are home to help with our DD, and I'm sure this is going to stay the same or very similar after baby boy is born as well.
Its up to you and your dh to come to a decision together...
hope that helps!

Another thing is that I was an only child in my home growing up and always told myself I would never ever make my child go through that, I was surrounded by adults only all the time, and it was really lonely for me... dh is one of 5 kids and although grew up extremely broke, never was a lonely house, so we knew we would grow our family until it felt right for everyone... even though baby boy to be was a surprise, we are both extatic to have the just one more time to do it all over again!
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  #9  
October 3rd, 2013, 05:04 PM
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We have 8, mine are 22, 21, 21, almost 20, 11 (see the gap?), 9, 7, and almost 4.

Before we had #5, we decided that we would just have him and be done, but then we started to think that he was, in many way's going to be an only child and not have the same type of interactions that the older kids got to have. So we had #6.

We both thought that was enough, but I wouldn't say we were done. Well then came #7. We knew we were done, or at least I was, the hubby didn't really care one way or another. Yeah, #8, she was a huge unhappy surprise for me. I'd say I was angry, but I was plain old fashioned pissed lol I do not have easy pregnancies. I am sick from beginning to end and the thought of that was enough to send me over the edge. Now I wouldn't trade her for the world, and maybe had it been a better time in our lives (my son had sudden onset bi-polar come on during it) I would have felt different. If I got pregnant, all these ladies would have to talk me off a ledge. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am done.
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  #10  
October 7th, 2013, 08:48 PM
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We haven't decided 100 percent. There are so many con's to having another one and unless we get finances more secure we won't. We still want one more in our hearts though and our kids keep asking...lol. We just don't really want to make a final decission right now but we do know if we do have another it has to be in the next 4 years because I don't want one at 40
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  #12  
October 8th, 2013, 11:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2many2010 View Post
We have 8, mine are 22, 21, 21, almost 20, 11 (see the gap?), 9, 7, and almost 4.

Before we had #5, we decided that we would just have him and be done, but then we started to think that he was, in many way's going to be an only child and not have the same type of interactions that the older kids got to have. So we had #6.

We both thought that was enough, but I wouldn't say we were done. Well then came #7. We knew we were done, or at least I was, the hubby didn't really care one way or another. Yeah, #8, she was a huge unhappy surprise for me. I'd say I was angry, but I was plain old fashioned pissed lol I do not have easy pregnancies. I am sick from beginning to end and the thought of that was enough to send me over the edge. Now I wouldn't trade her for the world, and maybe had it been a better time in our lives (my son had sudden onset bi-polar come on during it) I would have felt different. If I got pregnant, all these ladies would have to talk me off a ledge. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am done.
^^ THIS is how clear I hope to become !!!
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  #13  
October 11th, 2013, 08:55 PM
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I went into this pg as my last. I had strong feelings that we'd have twins even though I don't have the genetic for them. My DH would ask me what was going to happen if it was just one and I said then 5 was our number. This was my last pg. I just felt so very done. My DH had to have hernia surgery and I asked him to see about a V while he was under. The Dr actually mentioned it, so they did the procedures together. My DH was afraid that I'd change my mind. I finally had to tell him that it didn't matter how much money we had, 6 was enough. Our family was perfect with 3 sets of kids. The only way I've been able to get through this horrible pg is knowing that I never have to do this again. I'm so very done having babies! I just want to enjoy the ones I have.
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  #14  
October 22nd, 2013, 06:37 PM
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We are having trouble deciding. We have four, not sure if we should have more. I keep changing my mind.
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  #15  
October 22nd, 2013, 06:40 PM
~mommy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Dh told me.....LOL as time went on, I have become more agreeable to the idea.
Wish all of you the best with your own personal decisions regarding family size.
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  #16  
October 27th, 2013, 04:25 AM
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I'm done. For me it's a case of my body currently being in a very poor state, it wouldn't be fair on me, or a baby to have me pregnant... if that makes sense.

Aside from that though, I'm really enjoying having older children. I've found that recently my relationship with my oldest has changed so much due to her being an adult and I just feel that I am at a point where I am finished raising babies and I am ready for those more 'grown up' relationships.
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  #17  
November 7th, 2013, 08:28 AM
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I always thought that I would always want another baby. But, after I had Shawn I was totally done with being pregnant and having kids. I tell people I think I would drive my car into the lake if I found out I was pregnant now. My kids are a lot of work, cost a lot to feed, and I just want my body back. I don't want to have kid attached to my boob 24/7 anymore. I'm just enjoying all the good things about being done.

I think when you are ready to be done, you just know. You feel done.
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  #18  
November 14th, 2013, 12:22 PM
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I think I am done. I started off wanting 4. We had Andrew and with all his problems we where done. The twins where a surprise. Then their father left because we where not getting along before the twins and the added stress was too much and I found James father. He really wanted one of his own so he talked me into one more. Again the last set of twins was a surprise. Now I am really done. I might reconsider in 5 years when the youngest are out of diapers and able to do some things on their own.
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  #19  
November 20th, 2013, 08:54 AM
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I don't know how you know, but I just have to throw out there that if you and DH aren't BOTH 100% certain you're done forever, then don't do anything permanent. And DON'T listen to anyone else's opinion on this decision. That probably sounds so stupidly simple and obvious, but I'm living with a good bit of regret because of a couple of poor decisions. To have it to do over again, I would have researched NFP and hoped to get DH on board with that and we could at least have the option open. But I'm 30 and I'm just not feeling ready to leave this baby and toddler stage. I'm sure the feeling will pass eventually, though. I hope.
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