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Just to be fair....


Forum: Large Families

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  • 4 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 1 Post By meant2bemommie

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  #1  
November 24th, 2013, 01:24 PM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,531
So being that we large families, one issue DH and I dont always agree on is when I want to buy one of the kids something or give one of them a piece of gum or candy or whatever, he thinks I should give every single one of them the same to be fair.

I would never just hand out one child something to be spiteful or anything but sometimes it just happens, like when driving in the car or when I have 1 or 2 kids with me and we buy something to eat. I think you get what Im getting at.

Is that being unfair? Is it a MUST to always buy/give each kid something everytime?

Sorry forgot to add that this excludes the prizes given from the rewards chart.
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  #2  
November 24th, 2013, 03:35 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think it is wrong or unfair at all. When they cry foul, I will ask if the 14 yo really wants me to treat her the same as the 4 yo. They don't bother about it much.
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  #3  
November 24th, 2013, 04:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Australia
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Same as FW. I could treat them all equally, but they won't like that.
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  #4  
November 24th, 2013, 04:14 PM
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such is life, sometimes you get more than someone else, and sometimes someone else will get more than you. I think it all evens out in the end.
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  #5  
November 24th, 2013, 07:49 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
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If they are all there, they are all treated equally.

If I take one or two, then they might get something the others won't or...say a toy...they might get a toy, but the others will get something small. I always try to mix it up, and I always try to keep it somewhat fair, but I don't sit around and think on it to much.
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  #6  
November 25th, 2013, 07:30 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The other kids automatically pick something for each other if we are out and they get a small candy or gum or something. I don't do it all the time, because, if every time I went to the store I got them something, it would get kinda expensive. $7 a few times a week when I'm at the store x 4 weeks in the month would be 75-100 a month just on 'treats'.
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  #7  
November 25th, 2013, 08:18 AM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
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Yah if we are out buying it for specifically for one of them, then yeah they all get equal, but if it was unintentional then I think its alright as long as I do the same with the others in a different situation.
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  #8  
November 26th, 2013, 11:46 AM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It is impossible to ALWAYS be fair in these situations. Plus there are just going to be times that one child is going to get something and the others don't. I try to be as fair as I can but it doesn't always work out. Lets switch it. If he takes two of the kids out and gets them something does he ALWAYS get the others something? Every single time?
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  #9  
November 27th, 2013, 08:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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as a general rule of thumb, fair does NOT mean same. Fair: "treating people equally without favoritism or discrimination; just or appropriate in the circumstances." That's my response when my kids tell me something's not fair. If all your other kids would have gotten a piece of candy had they been in the car, then you're being perfectly fair. If you always take certain kids and always give them candy, then maybe that would be a bit lopsided. I'd look at it over the course of a year and see if it all shakes out in the end. I'll be it's pretty close.
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  #10  
November 29th, 2013, 07:36 AM
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I think it all equals out in the end. Matt was pouting this week about how Beth got to stay up late to go visit a friend (because they have a daughter her age) while he was put to bed with the little girls. I reminded him how this same week his dad took just him out to lunch to meet an old friend.
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  #11  
November 29th, 2013, 07:57 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
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we've had issues like that too. RJ had a sleepover with the neighbor's stepson (his mom never allows him to have sleepovers ) and then the next night Noah had a friend over and RJ wanted to sleep down in the playroom with them, but I said no. Mostly because if he got two nights of sleepovers/no sleep he'd be a big crab-hole all day sunday lol!
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  #12  
November 30th, 2013, 09:43 AM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
Join Date: Apr 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meant2bemommie View Post
It is impossible to ALWAYS be fair in these situations. Plus there are just going to be times that one child is going to get something and the others don't. I try to be as fair as I can but it doesn't always work out. Lets switch it. If he takes two of the kids out and gets them something does he ALWAYS get the others something? Every single time?
ha literally , YES!!!
thats where we come up short on agreement!
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